A Florida Man...

[oettinger]

Florida man strikes again! By now it should be abundantly clear that if you are in Florida, stay the hell away from large department stores!

https://www.clickorlando.com/news/flori ... -at-target

But why? He`s a looker, surely with an abundance of chicks available

[RIPT2.0]

Florida man celebrates Thanksgiving!

https://www.heraldmailmedia.com/news/na ... a0790.html

[Rooster]

I lived in Florida for 5 years, awhile back. That state does something to you. I can't describe it. Maybe it's the wholesale lowering of inhibitions, but of all of the dirty shit that I've ever done, the dirtiest was in Florida.

I was at a buddy's party and he slipped coke into my beer (totally Florida thing to do). I then drove my car home hoping to avoid further debauchery (a pair of 18-year twin lifeguards were there, with their mom, who was doing shots of tequila and trying to get me to show my dick). The police lit me up for failure-to-signal. I sped down a 35-mph boulevard at 165-mph, before hitting a railroad-crossing and doing my best Dukes of Hazzard impersonation. I outran them.
I got shithoused one St. Pats and got into a car with a really ugly girl and her cute friend because the cute friend wanted to have sex and the ugly one wanted to have a threesome. The ugly one gets pulled for a DUI because she couldn't keep it straight in a 6-lane boulevard and went curb-to-curb three times. Instead of arresting her, the police officer let her go to my recognizance because "sleeping with her is your [my] punishment for making such bad decisions."
I convinced a local strip-club manager that I was a back-up Mission Commander for NASA and got me and my friends free lap-dances every time a shuttle launched.
I invited a porn-company that was shooting promo-pictures on the beach to shoot video in front of my condo-complex, and then ran a young girl over with my skateboard as she and her dad were watching a lesbian-porn shoot.
I drove around a crackhead who robbed me of $500, and then beat the shit out of another crackhead that weekend because I thought it was the same crackhead (it wasn't). When I learned that it was two different crackheads, I told the one I beat the shit out of to go beat the shit out of the other one or I'd beat the shit out of him again. He did, and then got murdered by a third crackhead.

Do I have anything to declare? Yeah... don't go to Florida.

[RIPT2.0]

I lived in Florida for 5 years, awhile back. That state does something to you. I can't describe it. Maybe it's the wholesale lowering of inhibitions, but of all of the dirty shit that I've ever done, the dirtiest was in Florida.

I was at a buddy's party and he slipped coke into my beer (totally Florida thing to do). I then drove my car home hoping to avoid further debauchery (a pair of 18-year twin lifeguards were there, with their mom, who was doing shots of tequila and trying to get me to show my dick). The police lit me up for failure-to-signal. I sped down a 35-mph boulevard at 165-mph, before hitting a railroad-crossing and doing my best Dukes of Hazzard impersonation. I outran them.
I got shithoused one St. Pats and got into a car with a really ugly girl and her cute friend because the cute friend wanted to have sex and the ugly one wanted to have a threesome. The ugly one gets pulled for a DUI because she couldn't keep it straight in a 6-lane boulevard and went curb-to-curb three times. Instead of arresting her, the police officer let her go to my recognizance because "sleeping with her is your [my] punishment for making such bad decisions."
I convinced a local strip-club manager that I was a back-up Mission Commander for NASA and got me and my friends free lap-dances every time a shuttle launched.
I invited a porn-company that was shooting promo-pictures on the beach to shoot video in front of my condo-complex, and then ran a young girl over with my skateboard as she and her dad were watching a lesbian-porn shoot.
I drove around a crackhead who robbed me of $500, and then beat the shit out of another crackhead that weekend because I thought it was the same crackhead (it wasn't). When I learned that it was two different crackheads, I told the one I beat the shit out of to go beat the shit out of the other one or I'd beat the shit out of him again. He did, and then got murdered by a third crackhead.

Do I have anything to declare? Yeah... don't go to Florida.

I know only one person, who happens to live in FL last I heard, that I would believe this shit from, so you are either he, or you know him. But I do and you ain't him.

[Rooster]

I know only one person, who happens to live in FL last I heard, that I would believe this shit from, so you are either he, or you know him. But I do and you ain't him.

I don't care if you believe me or not. The truth is much worse, but I thankfully held back in my drunken stupor because I like to collect a check from the government every month. Florida is the abyss, and the longer you stare in into it; the longer it stares back into you.

[RIPT2.0]

I know only one person, who happens to live in FL last I heard, that I would believe this shit from, so you are either he, or you know him. But I do and you ain't him.

I don't care if you believe me or not. The truth is much worse, but I thankfully held back in my drunken stupor because I like to collect a check from the government every month. Florida is the abyss, and the longer you stare in into it; the longer it stares back into you.

Just one question. Have you ever been airlifted to a hospital on Long Island due to a punctured lung?

[Rooster]

Just one question. Have you ever been airlifted to a hospital on Long Island due to a punctured lung?

No, I did most of the airlifting.

[oettinger]

No, I did most of the airlifting.

Like this?

[Patchez]

I lived in Florida for 5 years, awhile back. That state does something to you. I can't describe it. Maybe it's the wholesale lowering of inhibitions, but of all of the dirty shit that I've ever done, the dirtiest was in Florida.

I was at a buddy's party and he slipped coke into my beer (totally Florida thing to do). I then drove my car home hoping to avoid further debauchery (a pair of 18-year twin lifeguards were there, with their mom, who was doing shots of tequila and trying to get me to show my dick). The police lit me up for failure-to-signal. I sped down a 35-mph boulevard at 165-mph, before hitting a railroad-crossing and doing my best Dukes of Hazzard impersonation. I outran them.
I got shithoused one St. Pats and got into a car with a really ugly girl and her cute friend because the cute friend wanted to have sex and the ugly one wanted to have a threesome. The ugly one gets pulled for a DUI because she couldn't keep it straight in a 6-lane boulevard and went curb-to-curb three times. Instead of arresting her, the police officer let her go to my recognizance because "sleeping with her is your [my] punishment for making such bad decisions."
I convinced a local strip-club manager that I was a back-up Mission Commander for NASA and got me and my friends free lap-dances every time a shuttle launched.
I invited a porn-company that was shooting promo-pictures on the beach to shoot video in front of my condo-complex, and then ran a young girl over with my skateboard as she and her dad were watching a lesbian-porn shoot.
I drove around a crackhead who robbed me of $500, and then beat the shit out of another crackhead that weekend because I thought it was the same crackhead (it wasn't). When I learned that it was two different crackheads, I told the one I beat the shit out of to go beat the shit out of the other one or I'd beat the shit out of him again. He did, and then got murdered by a third crackhead.

Do I have anything to declare? Yeah... don't go to Florida.

Copy and paste Florida Man!!!

[RIPT2.0]

Meanwhile in Florida.....

https://notallowedto.com/florida-man-so ... -to-death/

[oettinger]

Meanwhile in Florida.....

https://notallowedto.com/florida-man-so ... -to-death/

That really was his last resort

[RIPT2.0]

Florida man gets political.

https://www.theamericanmirror.com/cops- ... -politics/