The real victims of the California earthquake

[Badfellow]

It's the booze. I was unable to hold back my tears, seeing the images of all those poor, defenseless liquor bottles fallen off the shelves and smashed upon the floor. And just this week some 45,000 barrels of Jim Beam burned to cinders after a random lightning strike.

What the fuck is your problem, Mother Nature?

There are, of course, the human tragedies resultant from her bitchy mood swings. But the real victim here is all the liquor that will never have a chance to be consumed. Why must the booze always suffer? Why?

[Badfellow]

I was praying to Satan just this morning and he said to me, "Badfellow."

And I said, "Yes, oh dark and unholy Father?"

And he said, "Mother Nature is bound to raise another shit fit, probably sooner than later. You must save the booze, my son."

And I said, "And how the fuck am I supposed to do that, oh mighty Beelzibub?

And he said, "You must drink it. Drink it all! Muahahaha!"

And I said, "As you command, Mr. Satan, sir. I'll start with top shelf and work my way down."

That's about how it happened.

[oettinger]

Ah Yeas God said,

you dumnd ass calvinistics will build another shrine

[ThirstyDrunk]

only round 2. and now you want aftershock
Save what you can before that coast gently slides off into the great Pacific.

[Badfellow]

Dear California,

Send us your liquor before the Big One, before it's too late. Also, please send us your weed and your women, but only the good looking ones.

[oettinger]

Dear California,

Send us your liquor before the Big One, before it's too late. Also, please send us your weed and your women, but only the good looking ones.

Yeah and send cash, and smokes. You`ll all die soon. Hurry up, esp. folks from San Francisco. Your money needs to treat a bigger liver

[Savage]

I know. I wept, I lighted a candle for the survivors.

[mistah willies]

I know. I wept, I lighted a candle for the survivors.

...and since straws are illegal there in Cali now, it's difficult to imbibe the lovely ethyl just lying in a puddle in the aisles.

Wonder what the name of that earthquake drink would be?

[Dear Booze]

I know. I wept, I lighted a candle for the survivors.

...and since straws are illegal there in Cali now, it's difficult to imbibe the lovely ethyl just lying in a puddle in the aisles.

Wonder what the name of that earthquake drink would be?

Rigecrest Shake

[mistah willies]

I know. I wept, I lighted a candle for the survivors.

...and since straws are illegal there in Cali now, it's difficult to imbibe the lovely ethyl just lying in a puddle in the aisles.

Wonder what the name of that earthquake drink would be?

Rigecrest Shake

Ah.
The intestinal fortitude of the Ridgecrestians:
Shaken, not stirred.

The Big One will never happen. It's these sorts of things that take all the energy out.

<Sean Connery voice> "Moneypenny, I've dropped a quarter under my desk. Would you root around for it?"

[Badfellow]

You people are making light of the fact that THOUSANDS OF LIQUOR BOTTLES DIED!

What if it were your bottle of Zima laying smashed and bleeding it's tasteless guts all over the floor?

[Badfellow]

I know. I wept, I lighted a candle for the survivors.

...and since straws are illegal there in Cali now, it's difficult to imbibe the lovely ethyl just lying in a puddle in the aisles.

Wonder what the name of that earthquake drink would be?

Rigecrest Shake

Ridgecrest on the rocks.

[Dear Booze]

...and since straws are illegal there in Cali now, it's difficult to imbibe the lovely ethyl just lying in a puddle in the aisles.

Wonder what the name of that earthquake drink would be?

Rigecrest Shake

Ridgecrest on the rocks.

Recipe:
7 ounces of 151
.1 ounce Rolling Rock
Shake well
Serve over ice

[Rye and Coke]

The Jim Beam fire hurt my goddamn heart, my coworker and I had a Maker's Mark shot in its memory. All that whiskey, quietly aging and asleep in its barrel, barely even 4 years old. Never had a chance, killed in its sleep.

...Jesus, this metaphor just got incredibly dark.

[Badfellow]

THOUSANDS OF LIQUOR BOTTLES DIED!