The real victims of the California earthquake

[Bur]

Oh yea, the Beamapocalypse made news in Finland too. Truly horrifying.

[Savage]

Well, since Grumpy trotted off to work fifteen minutes or so, I will tell you: the big quake was not such a big deal for us. Both of us were born here, and we have lived through quite a few big quakes. I remember one when I was a school child and Grumpy was a freshly hatched Marine when we were awakened by one they called the Sylmar quake. And some years ago, Grumpy was on a det somewhere to train personnel and the children and I were awakened by one that shook us like dice in a cup. Then a few years ago, we had a whole series of quakes, that made every loose thing in the house dance, while nearby Mexico suffered devastating effects.

So this one was notable to us only for the fact that it went on so darn long. Finally I looked at the old man and said, maybe we should put on our shoes and such. I grabbed our wallets and a couple of jackets and the shoes and got them ready by the door, but by then the major shaking had stopped. Only our hanging cast iron pans and a couple of small ornaments had moved enough to make earthquake music.

When I was a little girl, we had two kinds of school disaster drills. One was for if the Soviets launched the nukes at us. The other was if we had a big earthquake. Each drill consisted of crouching under the desks and covering our heads. (Weird Al has a video--It's Christmas At Ground Zero.) That, and sonic booms, my childhood memories.

[Badfellow]

Savage, I implore you to go out and save as many bottles of Makers Mark as you possibly can from the earthquake prone store shelves of California... then send them to me in the earthquake free zone of the Drunkard Republic for safe keeping in my special booze depository!

In fact, I would urge all Californians to immediately do the same. Now more than ever. Send your liquor today. Before it's too late. God bless America.

Ship directly to:
NATIONAL BOOZE DEPOSITORY
C/O MY LIQUOR CABINET
HIDDEN VALLEY RANCH, MN USA



As a gift of my appreciation, I will send you your very own free Taco Bell napkin which you may pick up at any participating Taco Bell restaurant. It's good for any number of uses, including soaking up alcohol that was spilled from smashed bottles during earthquakes.

[scream ale]

Oh yea, the Beamapocalypse made news in Finland too. Truly horrifying.

Beamapocalypse is great name for the tragedy.

[Savage]

Funny thing, that earthquake when I was a kid, I sorta woke up, thinking my mom was doing her usual kick and shake the bed to wake me. But the lights didn't flash, like they usually did. Grumpy woke up, half dreaming that the drill instructor was giving him a "good morning scumbag maggot" greeting. He was in some other kind of training by then I guess, but that sort of wake up call stays with you.