Italy closes bars, restaurants and most shops as coronavirus death toll jumps 30%
https://www.cnbc.com/2020/03/12/italy-s ... close.html
Won't be long before the panic's oily, suction cupped tentacles wrap around the entry ways of the local pub near you. Get what you can, when you can, while you can. The Bad Times are coming.
The panic has begun ladies and gentleman, time to stock up!
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- Rye and Coke
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The panic has begun ladies and gentleman, time to stock up!
"They told me to see the glass half full cause some see it as half empty
I chose to see the glass twice the size it needed to be" - Pharoahe Monch, 'Broken Again'
I chose to see the glass twice the size it needed to be" - Pharoahe Monch, 'Broken Again'
- Badfellow
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Re: The panic has begun ladies and gentleman, time to stock up!
I'm about to panic order a pizza. Pan pizza? Pizza pandemic?
Anyways, there's going to be some great coronavirus drink specials for those of us with boozed-up immunities. Large public gathering may be cancelled, but the bars are still open and desperately need someone to drink all that beer, wine and (especially) hard liquor.
Might also be good time to pick up some stock in Haliburton, General Dynamics and the like.
Anyways, there's going to be some great coronavirus drink specials for those of us with boozed-up immunities. Large public gathering may be cancelled, but the bars are still open and desperately need someone to drink all that beer, wine and (especially) hard liquor.
Might also be good time to pick up some stock in Haliburton, General Dynamics and the like.
ພາສາລາວNONE GENUINE WITHOUT MY SIGNATUREພາສາລາວ
- Artful Drunktective
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Re: The panic has begun ladies and gentleman, time to stock up!
Going to empty bars? Great idea and golden opportunity! As far as shopping though...we are not succumbing to this hoarding madness. It's frustrating how this hysteria is making routine shopping so difficult for many people. Luckily we haven't experienced that yet and thankfully that's only because it's still pretty calm around here.
Okole maluna!
- Badfellow
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Re: The panic has begun ladies and gentleman, time to stock up!
I saw a guy at the grocery store today checking out at the register with 40 Banquet pot pies. That's it. Just pot pies. Not brutal enough for you? They were all the same flavor: gov't. chicken. That guy is gonna be eating pot pies until the fourth coming of Christ.
If the shit reeeeeeeally goes south (of which the pot pie index is a prime indicator), I'm sitting on 2 cases of 190 Everclear and 40,000 rounds of assorted small arms ammunition. Not saying I have an M-249 Squad Automatic Weapon put away or anything. Then again, not saying that I don't.
The liquor store was almost as big of a shitfest as the grocery store. Just think malt liquor and vodka instead of pot pies.
If the shit reeeeeeeally goes south (of which the pot pie index is a prime indicator), I'm sitting on 2 cases of 190 Everclear and 40,000 rounds of assorted small arms ammunition. Not saying I have an M-249 Squad Automatic Weapon put away or anything. Then again, not saying that I don't.
The liquor store was almost as big of a shitfest as the grocery store. Just think malt liquor and vodka instead of pot pies.
ພາສາລາວNONE GENUINE WITHOUT MY SIGNATUREພາສາລາວ
- scream ale
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Re: The panic has begun ladies and gentleman, time to stock up!
^^^ Sweet jaysus! That is a lot of pot pies. The closest I've seen to that was when we went out for cat litter after work today the woman in front of us had $100+ worth of theraflu and assorted bags of candy. Actually that was almost as absurd as the pot pies.
Re: The panic has begun ladies and gentleman, time to stock up!
Word from various peeps around town is that all the grocery stores are wiped (hehe) out of toilet paper and paper towels.
Guess I'll have to use my bidet.
Guess I'll have to use my bidet.
Don't worry. We're in no hurry.
- Rye and Coke
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Re: The panic has begun ladies and gentleman, time to stock up!
Either that or shake a bottle of beer and aim the fizz fountain particularly well.
"They told me to see the glass half full cause some see it as half empty
I chose to see the glass twice the size it needed to be" - Pharoahe Monch, 'Broken Again'
I chose to see the glass twice the size it needed to be" - Pharoahe Monch, 'Broken Again'
- Dear Booze
- Drinking God's Good Scotch
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Re: The panic has begun ladies and gentleman, time to stock up!
The CDC recommends our hand sanitizer be at least 60% alcohol, our drinks should also be 120 proof or more. Get your insides nice and clean. It's Absinthe time!
DRINK!
Re: The panic has begun ladies and gentleman, time to stock up!
If that`s not booznik`s definition of alcohol abuse, I don`t know what isRye and Coke wrote: ↑Thu Mar 12, 2020 9:24 pmEither that or shake a bottle of beer and aim the fizz fountain particularly well.
Drink!
- Artful Drunktective
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Re: The panic has begun ladies and gentleman, time to stock up!
As long as we are stocked on booze, it's all good. Toilet paper hysteria? Least of my worries. I've been camping in the wilderness. I ain't above wiping my ass with leaves.
Okole maluna!
- mistah willies
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Re: The panic has begun ladies and gentleman, time to stock up!
Damn, dude.oettinger wrote: ↑Fri Mar 13, 2020 8:04 amIf that`s not booznik`s definition of alcohol abuse, I don`t know what isRye and Coke wrote: ↑Thu Mar 12, 2020 9:24 pmEither that or shake a bottle of beer and aim the fizz fountain particularly well.
Now I got all misty eyed.
Ya know, for the alcohol abuse
Re: The panic has begun ladies and gentleman, time to stock up!
Next near there will an tp-eating bacteria outbreak. People will be like: remember the corona craze? That was nothing...Artful Drunktective wrote: ↑Fri Mar 13, 2020 11:09 amAs long as we are stocked on booze, it's all good. Toilet paper hysteria? Least of my worries. I've been camping in the wilderness. I ain't above wiping my ass with leaves.
Drink!
- scream ale
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Re: The panic has begun ladies and gentleman, time to stock up!
The desolation at the store this morning re-fucking-diculous. The produce and meat sections were nearly wiped out. No ass wipe at all at the first store we went to. Surprisingly there was plenty of frozen veggies, but I noted not one pack of broccoli in the freezer. Also surprisingly the beer wasn't hit that hard. The second store had a limit on TP, one pack per person per day. And that almost gone at 8 this morning.
It's fucking nuts. Good luck people where ever you are.
It's fucking nuts. Good luck people where ever you are.
- Badfellow
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Re: The panic has begun ladies and gentleman, time to stock up!
Here's a couple tips to help keep you healthy through the coming crisis:
1. Make sure to wash and lather your hands for no less than 20 minutes, or sing the full verse of Miss American Pie, Part 1 and 2 twice.
2. Remember to cover your cough with a cigarette.
3. Socks and/or underwear MUST be thoroughly soiled before use as an improvised filter or face mask against the virus. Please do not horde dirty socks or underwear; there's enough for everyone.
4. Avoid public gatherings of more than 0.5 people. Drink alone whenever possible.
5. If you do become ill and require emergency assistance, please write a detailed letter including the nature of your emergency and mail to: 911 c/o City Hall, Anytown USA.
We'll all through this together. Well, most of us.
1. Make sure to wash and lather your hands for no less than 20 minutes, or sing the full verse of Miss American Pie, Part 1 and 2 twice.
2. Remember to cover your cough with a cigarette.
3. Socks and/or underwear MUST be thoroughly soiled before use as an improvised filter or face mask against the virus. Please do not horde dirty socks or underwear; there's enough for everyone.
4. Avoid public gatherings of more than 0.5 people. Drink alone whenever possible.
5. If you do become ill and require emergency assistance, please write a detailed letter including the nature of your emergency and mail to: 911 c/o City Hall, Anytown USA.
We'll all through this together. Well, most of us.
ພາສາລາວNONE GENUINE WITHOUT MY SIGNATUREພາສາລາວ
- ThirstyDrunk
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Re: The panic has begun ladies and gentleman, time to stock up!
I went to the store yesterday to pick up a few things, checked the TP aisle out of curiosity. It was empty save one case of Angel Soft, sitting there all by itself in the middle. I opened the case and took out a 4 pack just because. As I was walking away a lady came up and grabbed the rest of the case and put it in her cart. I said "That's a lot of shitting right there." She sneered at me and ran to checkout.
Also - The proper mixture of Tennessee whisky and Pall Malls repels the Wu-Flu.
Also - my broccoli has freezer burn.
Also - The proper mixture of Tennessee whisky and Pall Malls repels the Wu-Flu.
Also - my broccoli has freezer burn.
Like a desperate thirst in a raging drought