The panic has begun ladies and gentleman, time to stock up!

[Rye and Coke]

Italy closes bars, restaurants and most shops as coronavirus death toll jumps 30%

https://www.cnbc.com/2020/03/12/italy-s ... close.html

Won't be long before the panic's oily, suction cupped tentacles wrap around the entry ways of the local pub near you. Get what you can, when you can, while you can. The Bad Times are coming.

[Badfellow]

I'm about to panic order a pizza. Pan pizza? Pizza pandemic?

Anyways, there's going to be some great coronavirus drink specials for those of us with boozed-up immunities. Large public gathering may be cancelled, but the bars are still open and desperately need someone to drink all that beer, wine and (especially) hard liquor.

Might also be good time to pick up some stock in Haliburton, General Dynamics and the like.

[Artful Drunktective]

Going to empty bars? Great idea and golden opportunity! As far as shopping though...we are not succumbing to this hoarding madness. It's frustrating how this hysteria is making routine shopping so difficult for many people. Luckily we haven't experienced that yet and thankfully that's only because it's still pretty calm around here.

[Badfellow]

I saw a guy at the grocery store today checking out at the register with 40 Banquet pot pies. That's it. Just pot pies. Not brutal enough for you? They were all the same flavor: gov't. chicken. That guy is gonna be eating pot pies until the fourth coming of Christ.

If the shit reeeeeeeally goes south (of which the pot pie index is a prime indicator), I'm sitting on 2 cases of 190 Everclear and 40,000 rounds of assorted small arms ammunition. Not saying I have an M-249 Squad Automatic Weapon put away or anything. Then again, not saying that I don't.

The liquor store was almost as big of a shitfest as the grocery store. Just think malt liquor and vodka instead of pot pies.

[scream ale]

^^^ Sweet jaysus! That is a lot of pot pies. The closest I've seen to that was when we went out for cat litter after work today the woman in front of us had $100+ worth of theraflu and assorted bags of candy. Actually that was almost as absurd as the pot pies.

[Nausea]

Word from various peeps around town is that all the grocery stores are wiped (hehe) out of toilet paper and paper towels.

Guess I'll have to use my bidet.

[Rye and Coke]

Word from various peeps around town is that all the grocery stores are wiped (hehe) out of toilet paper and paper towels.

Guess I'll have to use my bidet.

Either that or shake a bottle of beer and aim the fizz fountain particularly well.

[Dear Booze]

The CDC recommends our hand sanitizer be at least 60% alcohol, our drinks should also be 120 proof or more. Get your insides nice and clean. It's Absinthe time!

[oettinger]

Word from various peeps around town is that all the grocery stores are wiped (hehe) out of toilet paper and paper towels.

Guess I'll have to use my bidet.

Either that or shake a bottle of beer and aim the fizz fountain particularly well.

If that`s not booznik`s definition of alcohol abuse, I don`t know what is

[Artful Drunktective]

As long as we are stocked on booze, it's all good. Toilet paper hysteria? Least of my worries. I've been camping in the wilderness. I ain't above wiping my ass with leaves.

[mistah willies]

Word from various peeps around town is that all the grocery stores are wiped (hehe) out of toilet paper and paper towels.

Guess I'll have to use my bidet.

Either that or shake a bottle of beer and aim the fizz fountain particularly well.

If that`s not booznik`s definition of alcohol abuse, I don`t know what is

Damn, dude.
Now I got all misty eyed.

Ya know, for the alcohol abuse

[oettinger]

As long as we are stocked on booze, it's all good. Toilet paper hysteria? Least of my worries. I've been camping in the wilderness. I ain't above wiping my ass with leaves.

Next near there will an tp-eating bacteria outbreak. People will be like: remember the corona craze? That was nothing...

[scream ale]

The desolation at the store this morning re-fucking-diculous. The produce and meat sections were nearly wiped out. No ass wipe at all at the first store we went to. Surprisingly there was plenty of frozen veggies, but I noted not one pack of broccoli in the freezer. Also surprisingly the beer wasn't hit that hard. The second store had a limit on TP, one pack per person per day. And that almost gone at 8 this morning.

It's fucking nuts. Good luck people where ever you are.

[Badfellow]

Here's a couple tips to help keep you healthy through the coming crisis:

1. Make sure to wash and lather your hands for no less than 20 minutes, or sing the full verse of Miss American Pie, Part 1 and 2 twice.

2. Remember to cover your cough with a cigarette.

3. Socks and/or underwear MUST be thoroughly soiled before use as an improvised filter or face mask against the virus. Please do not horde dirty socks or underwear; there's enough for everyone.

4. Avoid public gatherings of more than 0.5 people. Drink alone whenever possible.

5. If you do become ill and require emergency assistance, please write a detailed letter including the nature of your emergency and mail to: 911 c/o City Hall, Anytown USA.


We'll all through this together. Well, most of us.

[ThirstyDrunk]

I went to the store yesterday to pick up a few things, checked the TP aisle out of curiosity. It was empty save one case of Angel Soft, sitting there all by itself in the middle. I opened the case and took out a 4 pack just because. As I was walking away a lady came up and grabbed the rest of the case and put it in her cart. I said "That's a lot of shitting right there." She sneered at me and ran to checkout.

Also - The proper mixture of Tennessee whisky and Pall Malls repels the Wu-Flu.

Also - my broccoli has freezer burn.