Today in my neighborhood...

[Dear Booze]

still alive barely , sold the biz, be in Vegas next week

I just got back today. It would have been cool to have a drink with you. Found some new bars and visited some old favorites.

[Thompson]

Is mistah willies still willying? Damn he’s funny.

[oettinger]

Is mistah willies still willying? Damn he’s funny.

Sadly not. One of the greatest to sip a drink ever. He`s the guy in my signature by the way *edit not the captain planet guy of course the one on top

[Thompson]

Is mistah willies still willying? Damn he’s funny.

Sadly not. One of the greatest to sip a drink ever. He`s the guy in my signature by the way *edit not the captain planet guy of course the one on top

Thank you Oetts. Invaluable info. I’ve been reading his posts and he is Brilliant.

[Thompson]

Tonight. I fell down, well I kinda sat down, I was about three quarters of a block from the bar. I got me a six of Bud to go, but they charge ya three bucks each. That seemed okay, but I didn’t have twenty, I had to go the machine. Oh fuck, I don’t know how to respond. ‘Take your card’ the machine says’ and I can’t remember the slot I put it into.

Anyway, I hung around for an hour or so at the bar, had me a double neat, and looked around for a soft girl.

No, they were all hard looking, with attitudes, so I left.

That’s when I sat down. And now I can’t get up: I know the police are on the way, I can smell ‘em. I don’t know what to do, I can’t get up.

I got 100 from the cash machine while I was in the bar so I got my wallet out my pocket and took a twenty out.


It’s a busy bar now, I live five blocks away, and I’m holding the twenty out to patrons coming out the bar for a simple five block lift.

The ‘You are invisible’ look just floored me. I can’t really process it. But I’m keenly aware that the cops are coming. So I got the fuck up. And it was not easy darlings, to do. Fell down twice . But I made it home with the six of Bud and sat down in my usual spot on the couch. Oh, brother, it sure felt good to be back in my neighborhood..

[Thompson]

Yeah, so I know the cane makes me look like a cripple, which I am, but I’m also drunk most the time and the swivel and swerve are not from being crippled but from being , you know, toasted. A policeman was nice to me today, in my neighborhood, he fell for the cripple with a cane routine and stopped traffic so’s I could cross the busy street. I made it across the street and got a quart of Budweiser and a half pint. I offered the kind policeman a pull from the half pint, or maybe I just imagined I offered him. Anyway, I wasn’t arrested and I made it home. I should have ordered the hot sausage sandwich too. Oh well. Woulda coulda shoulda. The hot sausage does tend to back up on ya a bit.

[Thompson]

I can just hear Oettinger. ‘You’ve got your own thread. Post this shit in your own thread.’

Yeah, well. In my neighborhood I’m known as a Texas Rangers baseball fan. Mostly because of my Corey Seager sweatshirt that has never been washed. I wear it in the rain though. It’s got a hood. I took the Greyhound to Arlington one time to watch a game live, but I spent the ticket money on a bag of heroin when I got off the bus.

[oettinger]

^^^ No complaints my friend. Your posts describe your hood perfectly. Mine is pale and boring in comparison

[Thompson]

Well, Oetts, it’s lucky we have the Gang.

Today, in my neighborhood, I got into it somewhat with the girl across the street. She said something to me and I didn’t like her tone. I gave her the tone back (people hate it when you can imitate their tone) and she strutted across the street just as mad as a hatter.

She said, What did you say?

And I got that tone down perfect and repeated what I said.

She grabbed my hair on the left side and yanked a big chunk of hair out my head. Fuck, it hurt. But I’m a peaceful type of guy, and I didn’t have my cane, so I turned around and went back inside.

[oettinger]

^^^ What a cunt! I`m alomst bald, only spares to grab there

[Thompson]

I saw her today. She pretended not to see me, which is kinda hard to do with a big chunk of hair missing from my head. She didn’t say anything. She was walking her dog Dinky. Now when she got the dog, about two years ago, the dog was a normal looking happy sort of fellow. I heard her tell another neighbor that the vet said he was too fat. Now the dog is half the size it was when she got him. Now he is the unhappiest looking animal I’ve ever seen. Her boyfriend left her. I was on the porch when he came out the house and spat on the ground and gave her the finger as he drove off. That was several months ago. He hasn’t come back.

[Artful Drunktective]

She grabbed my hair on the left side and yanked a big chunk of hair out my head. Fuck, it hurt. But I’m a peaceful type of guy, and I didn’t have my cane, so I turned around and went back inside.

Tell her next time she tries that shit that you'll tell the cops that she tried to rape you. And yes, I can be your lawyer.

[oettinger]

She grabbed my hair on the left side and yanked a big chunk of hair out my head. Fuck, it hurt. But I’m a peaceful type of guy, and I didn’t have my cane, so I turned around and went back inside.

Tell her next time she tries that shit that you'll tell Oprah that she tried to rape you.

Better than court

[Thompson]

She grabbed my hair on the left side and yanked a big chunk of hair out my head. Fuck, it hurt. But I’m a peaceful type of guy, and I didn’t have my cane, so I turned around and went back inside.

Tell her next time she tries that shit that you'll tell the cops that she tried to rape you. And yes, I can be your lawyer.

The cops all know me, AD, so they won’t believe that for a second. They will want to know why I didn’t smash her on the kneecaps with my cane.

How many fights you been in anyway, said one of the cops, looks like you been in plenty.

I didn’t have my cane or I would have smashed her on the kneecaps. Bloodied her nose too. Teach her to try and rape me! See the big gap in my hairline, the big chunk that’s pulled out?

Oh, you are so full of shit, said the other cop, anybody can tell you burned that side of your hair, probably smoking crack.

Actually, I was trying to smoke heroin but it wouldn’t light. You see what that woman has done to her poor dog? I want her arrested for animal cruelty along with plain ugliness. Oh, and add a really bad haircut to that. You seen that haircut?

Well, you might have something there, said the first cop. You got a couple beers you can spare?

Yeah, c’mon in but keep it down. Gunsmoke is on and I don’t remember this episode.

[Thompson]

What started all this, said the first cop? Thanks for the beer by the way.

Well, apparently she saw me taking a piss off the front porch and somehow got offended by that. So when she saw me outside the next day she said something, I can’t remember what, but she said it with that Tone. So I said something back, I can’t remember now, but I mimicked that Tone. That’s when she pulled my hair out my head.

And you didn’t have your cane?

No, I was taking out the garbage.

Then what happened?

Well, not much. I turned around and went back inside. Oh yeah, she was walking her dog Dinky, and I thought she should be arrested for cruelty to an animal. Have you seen Dinky?

No. What’s this rape business about?

Well, when she tugged on my hair I sort of got an erection and I thought she was going to rape me. When I got back inside I phoned my lawyer, Artful Drunktective. who advised me to lock the front door, that she might be the serial rapist who’s been terrorizing the neighborhood.

What about this dog Dinky?

You have to get a gander at this poor dog. She might be raping him too. We’re not far from the zoo. She might be raping all sorts of animals.

Okay, I think we will go have a chat with this girl across the street.

Well, that’s good, but be careful.