Thompson’s Theories of Diet and Health

[Thompson]

Now as far as food goes in Thompson’s theories the jury is out. Perhaps I can get some insight from fellow drunkards. I boiled an egg, peeled it, ate it with a splash of salt. I was thinking about boiling another one but I popped open a Budweiser instead. If I nurse this beer for an hour and one minute then the Irish will be in the glass and everything will be good.

[Thompson]

As far as exercise goes, if you can make it to the liquor store and back without getting arrested, you are Jack LaLanne, no more exercise needs to be done. In fact, a healthy lay down on the couch seems to be in order.

[Thompson]

Thanks again Oettinger. I’ll try to keep my end of the bargain up. Right now I just was jolted awake by a dream. I dreamed I was awake. I took a healthy pull of the Burnett’s and went outside to smoke a cigarette. The landlord was out there with his dog and I gave them both the Finger.

[Thompson]

Did I tell you all about the bucket theory? This is a life saver and will keep you out of central lockup. Keep a bucket close to the couch with a rug underneath and when you have to piss use the flashlight to aim good. If you attempt to piss outside you risk not only exposure but falling down. If you attempt to waddle three rooms down to the toilet you will never make it and probably hit your head again on the floor.

[Thompson]

But everything is good on this end. The pain is just where it always is so no new issues there. I would rather slit my throat than pour down the drain a quarter can of last night’s beer. No, they go back in the fridge. That’s what I’ve got this morning, it looks like five cans of left over dregs of beer. Hope there’s not a cigarette butt in one. But it is times like these that I pat myself on the back and say, Thompson, we would be OUT if you didn’t save that old beer in those cans.

[Thompson]

Shit! Yeah I got one of those cans with the cigarette butt in the bottom. I ain’t crying, there is no crying in baseball and no crying anywhere else. So now what? Well, we have to constantly take stock. What are we up against? Do we just say Fuck It and lay back down? Do we fight against the machine? What kind of machine are we fighting against? Do we punch the machine in the nose ?

Tricky questions these, that’s why Thompson’s Theories of Diet and Health will forever be open to new diets, new ideas, and all the moves that the girls make at the club called The Thin Blue Line.

[Thompson]

It’s over on the West Bank. It’s a long walk. You have to know how to Dance to be a stripper, and boiling it down it’s more about the dance than it is about anything else.

[Artful Drunktective]

This thread should be named the:



thread.

I mean that with all due respect of course. I also love the Dude's blatherings.

[Badfellow]

What kind of machine are we fighting against?

The easy answer here is Skynet. But it becomes much more convoluted when the washing machine and the lawnmower both conspire against their creators to wreak havoc upon the domestic landscape. I’m also not above picking a fight with a vending machine.

[Thompson]

The highway is for gamblers/ better use your sense / take what you have gathered from coincidence/ the empty handed painter on the street / is drawing crazy patterns on your sheets/ look out now the saints are coming through / and it’s all over now Baby Blue/

It’s hard to beat that kind of lyric, impossible really .

[Thompson]

But our mission is not to quote Bob Dylan lyrics but to enlighten fellow followers of, shit and damn, I lost my train of thought again. It will come back, all crooked, our mission is to sleep the sleep of the just, and always tell the truth unless we are telling a lie .

[Thompson]

Diets and health. Let’s get back to that for a moment. How does everybody feel about that? Happy? No, ain’t nobody happy I can tell ya straight off not one person is happy. But we are all hanging in there and pissing in the bucket. We are not pissing in our pants or on the couch but we are pissing in the bucket and we should feel proud! I am proud, dang straight, proud as punch. But there are other bodily functions that are fucking the scene up. It’s mostly the functions that don’t work.

[Thompson]

There we go, our mission is to always tell the truth unless we are telling a lie.

[Thompson]

Man, this is my piece of pie. How many calories would you guess in a standard piece of fruit pie? Go on, take a guess. 300 hundred, 400 hundred? Well, it’s closer to 500 hundred and that’s the way it fucking goes.

[Thompson]

Everybody’s buying little baby clothes.

HOW ARE YOU FEELING said the blind man to the midget? Well, not too bad, sore on the right shoulder said the midget. I like the cut of your clothes, I said to the midget. Yeah, he said, Richard Manuel formerly of The Band, picked out these trousers. They got cool stripes on ‘em too, see? Yeah, I see. Cool man.