Thompson’s Theories of Diet and Health

[oettinger]

-what I like about Hugh`s is you get your own silverware. No plastic like in a plane
And the restrooms are big, they fit me. Thank god

[Hugh]

All right, fuck all y'all dipshits. You wanna go to Alaska and leave me here? I'll just go down to Dumas Walker. https://rumble.com/v4ml5h0-karaoke-0331 ... alker.html

[Thompson]

‘When a man loves a woman / She can do no wrong’ Badfellow played on his harmonica. It was one of those long harmonicas, twice the size of a regular harmonica. He could sing too. You think it’s easy to sing? Well, it ain’t. Even ‘Row row row your boat gently down the stream’ is fucking hard to sing. But the good singers don’t complain about how hard it is. They don’t bellyache. When Hugh goes on YouTube and sings a country and western song he doesn’t bellyache about it. Also, I want to point out that ‘singer’ and ‘singing’ are pronounced with a hard G. I think Los Angeles is pronounced with a hard G too, but that might be just in the movies. I asked Van Morrison about the hard G, and he agreed. Always sing with a hard G, he said.

So Thompson quit philosophizing and hopped on the back of Badfellow’s Harley. It’s a long ways to Alaska. It’s nice to have friends by your side, he said. Makes a fella smile.

[oettinger]

Badfellow is surprisingly a very good sinGer.
I have no musical skills at all. Sucks but I have other skills like annoying people on skype

[Thompson]

First they had to get to Canada. They had to cross that border. Badfellow liked the idea of Highway 61 going north. He liked that song — ‘Sam said where you want this killing done / God said out on Highway 61’

But Highway 61 doesn’t go to Canada. Who the fuck cares, said Badfellow, it goes north. North to Alaska. Am I right, Thompson?

Right.

Have a couple more white cross speed tablets. I’ve got the bag right here.

Where is Dumas Walker, said Thompson? Is it on the way to Alaska?

I don’t know, said Badfellow, I’ve never been to Dumas Walker.

[Thompson]

Look, said Thompson, That sign says Dumas Walker, 24 miles, exit 18C.

Yeah, I saw that. What does the C stand for?

Country Road maybe? We should exit and find out.

I could use some breakfast. How’s about you, Thompson?

Yeah, I don’t think they have grits this far north, but home fried potatoes will work. Put a couple of sunny side ups on top and a pure pork sausage patty and a Texas toast on the side.

The side effect of this speed, said Badfellow, is you are so fucking hungry all the time. Shit, we just had breakfast not less than 24 hours ago and here we are getting another breakfast.

Look, said Thompson, there it is. Dumas Walker. Take this exit.

[Hugh]

Okay, fine. You wanna leave me here while y'all go off to rob someone in Alaska. Hope y'all end up in fucking jail assholes! At least let me sing this tender love song before y'all go. https://rumble.com/v4mrdzr-karaoke-dac.html

[Thompson]

Thompson phoned Hugh at the Diner from Dumas Walker. He was put on hold and the tender love song played. Listen, Hugh, said Thompson, The bus driver Dix is planning his route to Alaska. He’s going to highjack the number 11 bus. I told Dix you might want to come along. You are so wishy washy though. First you don’t want to come, now it sounds like you want to come. Anyway, Dix is going to stop off at your diner for breakfast before he heads north. You can drive a bus, no?

Sure. I’ll pack a couple pairs of socks. I like Dix, he’s a good driver. What you think of my new tender love song?

I love it. Don’t erase it. It might be our theme song if we make it to Alaska.

The operator came on the line and wanted more coins inserted. Thompson was out of coins so he hung up.

[oettinger]

Okay, fine. You wanna leave me here while y'all go off to rob someone in Alaska. Hope y'all end up in fucking jail assholes! At least let me sing this tender love song before y'all go. https://rumble.com/v4mrdzr-karaoke-dac.html

Hilarious stuff Hugh, well done

[Thompson]

Dix came and ate his breakfast. He said, Hugh are you coming or not? Hugh said okay I’m coming.

Hugh got on the bus. There was this skinny and skanky looking girl all curled up in the back. She was old. Who is this, said Hugh?

That’s Thompson’s girlfriend, something Bug. She was supposed to get off at Napoleon Avenue.

I’m not going to Alaska with her. I don’t like the looks of her.

Nobody does, Hugh.

Well, as long as she doesn’t say anything. If she says anything I’m getting off the bus.

She hasn’t said anything so far. She moans a lot though.

Well, if she moans again I’m getting off the bus.

I think she likes you, Hugh. She quit moaning.

Those arm muscles are scary. I don’t know. If she starts crying I’m getting off the bus.

[Thompson]

Ever been in love Dix, said Hugh?

I’m not sure. Love is like pain, you can’t remember it. You can remember you were in love (pain) but you can’t remember the actual love (pain). I’m always reminded of the blues lyric by Son House — ‘It’s so hard to love / Someone that don’t love you’ — Does that help?

No, not really. That’s that song of his Death Letter Blues.

Right. You know your blues, Hugh.

Yeah, ‘The blues is just a botheration on the mind’.

That’s Otis Spann, said Dix. Why you asking about love?

I don’t know, sometimes I just think about shit. Bug isn’t going to start cutting herself, is she? I’ll have to get off the bus if she starts cutting herself.

No, she blows her nose a lot, but I haven’t seen any cutting.

Was that mean to tell her she can’t say anything?

A little, but not too much, said Dix. I don’t think she has much to say anyway. I’ve heard from these two fat cops, Fred and Martha, that she is a whiz in the kitchen. That will come in handy, if it’s true, when we get to Alaska.

Hmm, said Hugh.

[Thompson]

Bug, said Hugh, are you okay?

Yeah, I’m alright.

You don’t feel sick?

No Hugh, I don’t feel sick.

I’m glad.

Good.

I don’t want you to feel sick.

I don’t feel sick, Hugh, quit with that feeling sick.

I kinda feel sick.

You do?

Yeah, I just might need some breakfast. I understand you cook a breakfast now and then.

I do. What you need is the pork chop with two scrambled and some home fried potatoes. That’ll fix ya.

Regular toast?

Regular toast.

[Thompson]

You’re Thompson’s girl, aren’t you? Ladybug.

No I ain’t Thompson’s girl.

You don’t know Thompson?

Oh yeah I know him, but I ain’t his girl.

Whose girl are you?

I don’t know, I float around.

No roots?

No, but I eat a lot of root vegetables. Take a gander at my arm muscles.

I’ve noticed those babies. You got those muscles from eating root vegetables?

And shadow boxing.

Impressive. How long you know Dix?

Oh, not too long, why?

Just talking, passing the time. It’s a long ways to Alaska.
My name is Hugh, by the way.

I know, I saw you at the bowling alley. That was one hell of a poetry reading. All the girls loved it.

Yeah?

Yeah.

[Hugh]

Thompson putting too much pressure on me. https://rumble.com/v4n6oww-ramblin-man.html

[Thompson]

Dix made it to Los Angeles and hung a right. The main problem with driving a bus was trapped gas. Sometimes he would lift the left side of his butt and let one go, sometimes the right. Anyway, it was Hugh’s turn to drive. Bug said she could drive, but that seemed risky. Hugh got behind the wheel and headed north. When you go to Alaska you head north. You don’t head south. Dix tried to take a nap but was crabby. The gas was backing up on him and he was bloated as all hell. Here Dix, said Bug, take one of these speed tablets and I’ll roll a joint. You have to have balance.

Can I have two speed tablets, said Dix?

Sure. Badfellow showed me how to manufacture the speed tablets using nasal decongestants and baking soda. The baking soda should get rid of the gas.

I’ve still got the gas.

Hmm, well take another speed tablet and take a hit off this joint. Don’t bogart it.

Is it true you are a whiz in the kitchen?

I’m a whiz in the kitchen, yes sir. I don’t brag about it though.

Why not?

I don’t know, I guess it’s the same thing as you not bragging about your bus driving. When you are good at something you just let it flow.