StaggerDave's only getting worse!

[StaggerDave]

I'd love to share a so-called "drinking story", but most of my drunks lack clear storyarcs, compelling motivations, or interesting characters. So in it's place, I'll just plug in things I was told I'd done after the fact. Little choice nuggets from blackout nights.

Dumb things I've said:

"You are pregnant! I know you are! You are pregnant because you have a baby inside you!"

"You are a big hungry baby, take me to the store you I can buy you caramel to eat, you little baby!"

*told to my boss, we were playing videogames and drinking rum and cokes. After running out, I'd invented the rum and vodka, and he had the poor taste not to partake.

"You shut your mouth Lance, I'm a grown ass man, I can do that!"

"No they can't stop me, don't you see how big I am?"

*Told to Lance while peeing on a neighbor's car.

"Man I just got paid today, I will fix that, that shit is cheap anyway!"

*Told to buddy after learning I was kicking another buddie's car in excess.

"Hey, hey you! Come taste the history!" and also "Come get this history, this shit is old!"
*told to anyone near me on my 28th birthday, as I was drinking a liter of 15 yo whiskey. This was one of the nights I went into the wall.

Dumb things I've done-

Once I jumped backwards into a stockade fence, smashing it into about a million peices. We left the La Quinta soon after.

Once I was so happy, I ripped the phone out of the wall and launched it at a cluster of friends (I was told I was "just kidding").

Once I attempted my most famous dive, the "devil's pill" (picture a headfirst cannonball, with both hands covering the face ala peek-a-boo) in one of those crappy 5 foot deep apt. pools. Woke up with headache and scabby knuckles.

Twice I've ran into, and partially through walls. The first, I'm told, I was standing, out on my feet, and spitting on the tile floor. "DAVE! You are gonna puke, GO TO THE BATHROOM!"
Snapping out of the stupor, I raced not 2 feet before smashing my head through the living room wall. Hair and blood was in the cracked drywall.
The second, I'm told, involved a fiesty friend of mine trying to wrestle me. I picked him up high, promptly lost balance, and through the wall we went. It was his house warming party.

Typing this out, and reading it is insperational. Can't wait for the con!

[steved2112]

The second, I'm told, involved a fiesty friend of mine trying to wrestle me. I picked him up high, promptly lost balance, and through the wall we went. It was his house warming party.

I have nothing to add here, except to say good show. LMAO.

[Oggar]

You sound like a kindred spirit. Several of thoese things are on my list too.

[StaggerDave]

You sound like a kindred spirit. Several of thoese things are on my list too.

Man what the hell?? You are a big giant drinker that stars in indie films! Brother, where have you been!? It's like looking in an awesome mirror-
I hope you are going to vegas!

[Oggar]

I'll be there with my booze on.

[whiskeyprick]

I'll be there with my booze on.

and pants down.