Where it began, perhaps?

[Mr Glenfiddich]

Often my parents wonder where I get the drinking gene from. Neither of them are party animals, in fact my old man is usually watching TV in the car by 9pm when they're invited to a party of some sort. My rebuttal is that it's his fault, and I'm sticking to that excuse. Let me elaborate:

Many moons ago, when I was about 18 months old, we lived in a brick veneer house in a newly established estate about 45 mins drive from the city of Melbourne. My mum was preggers with my brother, my dad was working as a production manager in a company that manufactured suits and bank uniforms, and we owned a Mini and a Valiant Regal. But that's not important.

One day I was mucking about in the backyard as kids do, getting muddy and annoying the shit out of dad who was having a yarn with the neighbour over the fence, with a few glasses of reisling. I kept tugging on dad's pant leg, and he gave me a sip of wine to shut me up. This process would have been repeated enough times that by the end of the exercise, I'd probably consumed about half to three-quarters of a glass of wine over 30 minutes or so. Dad didn't notice I was getting pretty wobbly on my feet, and when mum came out the back she saw that I was three sheets to the wind... staggering around, looking rather disoriented, and in layman's terms, PARRO. She went off her stack at the old man, who was subsequently in the bad books for months after that.

Mum's recollection is as follows; she took me inside, changed my nappy (which I had dropped a massive fluffy turd in, and I was too smashed to notice), gave me a dose of children's aspirin, put me to bed with my bottle, sat there thinking "poor kid" as I'm hanging on to the cot rails to stop the world from spinning around.... and I slept for 9 hours straight, which was rare for me, and woke up bawling my eyes out with a massive headache and hangover. Oh yeah, I shit my nappy again too...

Here's to my father; for without his ignorance and stupidity all those years ago, I may not well be the drunkard I am today. SKØL!