Last night, I tried to eat my cat...

[ThirstyDrunk]

I don't really like my cat
here is the local gyro maker menu:
http://gyrosinc.com/MENU.HTML

notice on the left side of the menu it proudly proclaims "WE CATTER"
So i thought it was mutton. That tzatziki sauce is damn good.
They ewont trade my cat for some free gyros

[Surreal]

there is nothing, I repeat nothing, that brings more joy to my eyes than seeing a post by Thirsty Drunk under Drinking Stories. Clicking through from "Modern Drunkard BBS" to "Drinking Stories" and seeing TD's name as a most recent post is like opening up a present Xmas morning. Who knows what could be lurking under all that wrapping paper. Especially when the post title is "Last night I tried to eat my cat...".

I was giggling before I even clicked on the post.

[NYDingbat]

there is nothing, I repeat nothing, that brings more joy to my eyes than seeing a post by Thirsty Drunk under Drinking Stories. Clicking through from "Modern Drunkard BBS" to "Drinking Stories" and seeing TD's name as a most recent post is like opening up a present Xmas morning. Who knows what could be lurking under all that wrapping paper. Especially when the post title is "Last night I tried to eat my cat...".

I was giggling before I even clicked on the post.

I agree with every word.


And I have absolutely not one iota of doubt that Thirsty actually did, indeed, attempt to digest his feline.

[Surreal]

[ThirstyDrunk]

You see, this cat - let's call him W.J. - was an unwilling tennant from the start. He didn't wanna be here I didn't want him. But here we are and there ya go. Now he's been here three months and while we're cool with each other, there is still that atmospheric tautness hanging around whenever we're in the same room.
So last Saturday night I got good n drunk and we had it out. I told him I would sell him to the Gyro place and he say's "You're too fuckin drunk! I'll claw your eyes out!"
I glared at him, and through clenched teeth I spat "YOU WAIT TIL MORNING! YOU'RE DEAD! DEAD!!!
I lunged at him, but in my drunkeness tripped over some pillows on the floor and cracked my head on a tool box.
W.J. lay there watching, smiling. "Everytime you pass out on the floor here I dreAM of ripping your neck open."
I calmed down and the cat and I split a tin of Friskies "Pacific Salmon Dinner in sauce".

So anyway, I'm playing it cool now. I'll buy him food and shit stuff, he'll catch an occasional mouse, and I'll let him get comfortable.
But when I kill him I won't eat him, not even in a nice gyro, I'll just throw him in the street and let traffic disolve him away.

[Surreal]

I'm crying.........

Pacific Salmon dinner in sauce

As if there were any other way.

[NYDingbat]

I glared at him, and through clenched teeth I spat "YOU WAIT TIL MORNING! YOU'RE DEAD! DEAD!!!

See, there's the flaw in your plan right there. Don't go tippin' your hand to your enemies. Now you gave her time to hit the nearest restaurant Dumpster and recruit all her mewling feral sisters to come steal your breath in the middle of the night.

If you have any tuna fish in the house, I'd suggest you immediately dump it to remove the olfactory beacon home and hope like hell W.J. has a terrible sense of direction and can't find her way back. And hide her compass and GPS. And the tuna fish. Don't forget the tuna fish.

[ThirstyDrunk]

It's a "HE" cat.

and he won't quit lookin at me. and all the time with meowin

[Two Hearted]

I'll see your wonky-eared fluffy mewler, and raise you a large orange, tiger-striped 4 am mewler (will he EVER shut up?) that has 6 toes on each paw. It is enough to set me to a-wondering if cat is as tasty as squirrel....

[peetie44]

It is enough to set me to a-wondering if cat is as tasty as squirrel....

I believe the correct culinary term would be "roof rabbit". Anyway, that's what my pop's WWII buddies told me when I was little.

[Two Hearted]

It is enough to set me to a-wondering if cat is as tasty as squirrel....

I believe the correct culinary term would be "roof rabbit". Anyway, that's what my pop's WWII buddies told me when I was little.

Ahhh, roof rabbit. I like this.
We refer to squirrel as 'chicken of the tree' here, and seagulls are 'dumpster ducks'.

[Rip Rufus]

According to some people I know, squirrel is good eating. Better than musk-rat.

And I'm still finding the occasional fleas in the house here, even after teh girl and her cat have both been gone for over a week.

[NYDingbat]

When I go visit da Spook his cat tries to eat me.

She's just evening the score with adwyn I guess. Tit for cat.

[Bluespook]

that's just me baby.... and as i recall, you didn't seem to mind.

[NYDingbat]

that's just me baby.... and as i recall, you didn't seem to mind.

*blushes*


I guess the sandpapery tongue threw me off.





And no, I did not. ;-)