A long time ago in a galaxy far far away, I was a Freshman at a university (about 14 months ago...hah! Made you feel ollld! ....shut up Dan, no one likes a gloater.)
Anyhoo, it was the begining of the first week of school, Frosh Week is what we call it here though I'm sure you've got many other names for it wherever you lay your head. I came 500 miles from home with 2 of my best friends and we were living together in an apartment style rez. 500 miles from home, basically an apartment with a babysitter (a hot one), and all the pussy and porn we could get our hands on. That's not all though, ladies and gents. Let me tell you a little something about the laws of Canada and why I chose to go to this particular school.
Most of you know that, In Canada, the legal drinking age is 19 years old. This ensure's that you're out of highschool and most likely halfway through or done your first year of university before you're legal age. But for people like me (that is to say, people born in september or october), it's a fucking hellish ordeal because I turn 18 about two weeks before everyone else turns 19. That being said, I started looking at university's in Quebec, where the drinking age is 18. September 1st I turn the big 1-8. September 3rd I'm on the road to school.
So we get there, we unpack, our parents are doing the parent thing, we're still sort of marvelling at this whole being-so-far-away-and-living-alone-thing, but OBVIOUSLY we're just standing in the kitchen waiting, hoping, PRAYING for the parents to leave so we can walk into town and buy our first legal beers at (GASP!) the GAS station! or ....THE GROCERY STORE! (liquor is government run in all the other provinces, which means you can only get beer and liquor at Gov't. Run liquor stores).
The parents finally get the hint and take off, and we boot into town to stock up for our first assault on this campus. Coming from Nova Scotia, a province with a long Celtic history of being absolutely hammered ALL of the time, we felt the need to show these outsiders who's who in the realm of drinking, and, being froshies, we felt we needed to prove just that little bit more.
30 minutes later and we're back in the apartment. We've all got 12ers and a quart (Rum,rye and Bourbon, respectively...guess who got the bourbon?). So we start in (keep in mind it's about 5pm). I lay into my beam first and get about ....let's say a quarter into it ,then crack my first beer. Flash forward to later that night (10ish?) and I've drank 7 beer and got 3/4 through the bourbon and I am FUCKED. Yes,yes not my usual intake these days, but I was a lot lighter then and also I had just gotten off a 14 hour car drive, so I'm absolutely fucked. We start wandering around the campus and going in and out of random rez's, all of us carrying our fifths in harnesses much like a pistol holster.
Flashforward to me laying on a bathroom floor and I have NO idea where I am. I stand up, and the bathroom is about 3 feet wide, with a shower behind me, a toilet in front of me, and a door on teh left and right. I'm still hammered so i know i havent been out long, and I know where I am but that doesnt help. I'm in a bathroom in one of the "Bog" rez rooms, which means there is a room through each door, and I have no idea which one i came in from. So I open both doors simultaniously (genuis) and listen intently. From one, I hear voices talking brightly and drunkenly, and from the other i hear more....intimate noises. I pull that one shut and walk into the other and see my roomies and a girl we went to highschool with. At this point I had forgotten she also came to this school and I am in no state to understand it. I look at them all, say "Fuck youuuy." and then drop dead weight onto her bed, passed out cold.
Part 2 coming soon,....
3 Freshmen and a 12 Foot Funnel,part 1
Moderators: Artful Drunktective, mistah willies, NYDingbat, Judge, oettinger, Oggar, Badfellow, Mr Boozificator
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Lifer
- Hooching Like Hemingway
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3 Freshmen and a 12 Foot Funnel,part 1
Last edited by Lifer on Thu Dec 01, 2005 3:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Bundy wrote:"I say Rooster old bean! sally forth with another pair of pink gins for these jolly lovely gels and we'll see if they arent up for a spot of rumpy pumpy before we have to dash off and give Jerry another sound thrashing, what? Tally ho!"
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Savage
- Juicing Like Jackie
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Re: 3 Freshmen and a 12 Foot Funnel,part 1
Lifer wrote: Part 2 coming soon,....
Must make a note of this. I think I'm still drunk. Out of bourbon, however. Damn!
like tears in rain
Re: 3 Freshmen and a 12 Foot Funnel,part 1
Damn funny! I can hardly wait for part 2...Savage wrote:Lifer wrote: Part 2 coming soon,....
Must make a note of this. I think I'm still drunk. Out of bourbon, however. Damn!
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Savage
- Juicing Like Jackie
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- Joined: Mon Apr 21, 2003 1:16 am
- Location: All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go
Re: 3 Freshmen and a 12 Foot Funnel,part 1
Mongo, you brilliant writer you! When will we see more of your wit?MongoTheRedNosedBoozer wrote:Damn funny! I can hardly wait for part 2...Savage wrote:Lifer wrote: Part 2 coming soon,....
Must make a note of this. I think I'm still drunk. Out of bourbon, however. Damn!
like tears in rain
I can see an anthology in the future: "Modern Drunkard Tales" We will all shine brighter than the sun!Savage wrote:Oh crap. I meant to say: Lifer, when will we see more... etc...
Though the Mong is a good writer, too. Hell, ain't we all?
If you PM me to tell me how much my writing sucks, remember that I can hex a man at forty paces...
:evil: :twisted: :? :oops:
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Savage
- Juicing Like Jackie
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I'm sure the FKRer is working on it, between binges. :DMongoTheRedNosedBoozer wrote:I can see an anthology in the future: "Modern Drunkard Tales" We will all shine brighter than the sun!Savage wrote:Oh crap. I meant to say: Lifer, when will we see more... etc...
Though the Mong is a good writer, too. Hell, ain't we all?
If you PM me to tell me how much my writing sucks, remember that I can hex a man at forty paces...
:evil: :twisted: :? :oops:
like tears in rain
he better hurry up - I have had "offers"....Savage wrote:I'm sure the FKRer is working on it, between binges. :DMongoTheRedNosedBoozer wrote:I can see an anthology in the future: "Modern Drunkard Tales" We will all shine brighter than the sun!Savage wrote:Oh crap. I meant to say: Lifer, when will we see more... etc...
Though the Mong is a good writer, too. Hell, ain't we all?
If you PM me to tell me how much my writing sucks, remember that I can hex a man at forty paces...
:evil: :twisted: :? :oops:
Sorry lifer - my last story post got hijacked too. It's a good work and I am really looking forward to reading the rest!
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Savage
- Juicing Like Jackie
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- Joined: Mon Apr 21, 2003 1:16 am
- Location: All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go
Offers? So has the G man, but I wield a mean skillet.MongoTheRedNosedBoozer wrote:he better hurry up - I have had "offers"....Savage wrote:I'm sure the FKRer is working on it, between binges. :DMongoTheRedNosedBoozer wrote: I can see an anthology in the future: "Modern Drunkard Tales" We will all shine brighter than the sun!
like tears in rain
