Burnin' down the house (almost!)

The Crack Monkey · Post by **The Crack Monkey** » Mon Dec 05, 2005 10:34 pm

I'll share with everyone a particularly bad evening I had last summer. I'd gotten down to the bar around 8:00 or so and started drinking pitcher after pitcher of cheap swill.

I left at closing time and found myself at home, hungry as a bear. I fired up the stove and put some beer in a frying pan, remembering that I'd picked up some brats the day before. Mmmm nothing beets bratwurst cooked in beer.

I plopped the brats in the pan, then plopped myself on the couch and turned on the tv.

%*

Some time later I awoke from a deep slumber with a start. Something was making an ungodly noise. It took me a minute or two to realize it was the smoke detector.

Flipping on some lights, I noticed the pan on the stove was smoking like mad, and my oh so tasty looking bratwursts had long ago been reduced to a pile of carbon. The entire kitchen, and indeed the entire downstairs area were full of stinky black smoke.

I did the smart thing and shut off the stove, then heaved the pan and it's contents outdoors before opening all the windows and promptly going back to sleep.

In the morning I awoke to not only a hangover, but a horribly smelling house. Getting the smell out took lots of fans and open windows, but that's another story...

Gin McGuinness · Post by **Gin McGuinness** » Mon Dec 05, 2005 11:33 pm

Thanks for sharing! I hope you managed to get the whole mess sorted out. New guy buys.... I'll have a red wine. Welome!

The Crack Monkey · Post by **The Crack Monkey** » Mon Dec 05, 2005 11:36 pm

Eventually I got the smell out -- turned out that smoke had gotten into the cupboards. Had to open them all & let 'em air out.

I neglected to mention in my original post that this was at my parents house and they were to return home from vacation 2 days after the horrid event.

Thankfully, everything was fine by then!

bluebottle · Post by **bluebottle** » Tue Dec 06, 2005 12:22 am

haha, once i get well into my cups i will often have to slap myself back to reality on occassion to make sure i have no fires burning, nothing on the stove or in the oven. yeah, the blackened pan smoke is pretty nasty.
gin, now you being without a maid now, you will have to be watchful! put some of that red wine in the pan, extra, just in case..........cm, i'll take justa beer tonight, drinking lagunitas "brown sugga'" - 9.9%. not bad! thanks!

***** · Post by ***** » Tue Dec 06, 2005 11:15 am

Sounds like a vignette from an 80's party movie...nice. Three fingers of Aberlour 10 year for me on this nippy morning.

mjm · Post by **mjm** » Tue Dec 06, 2005 2:50 pm

Almost the exact thing happened to a good friend of mine -- not me, I swear -- you know I'd fess up if it were me.

He got home one night and plopped some boil-in-the-bag swedish meatballs in a pot full of water and promptly passed out. He came to, smoke detector wailing and opened his windows to try to clear the smoke. 30 seconds later, there was a pounding on his door, followed by a bellowed, "Fire Department, are you OK?"

My friend opened his door to find a company of firefighters, led by another friend of ours. "Jesus Christ, *Pally*, what the fuck are you doing?"

Another firefighter joined in with, "*Petey*, you know this guy? Hey, Captain, *Petey* knows this guy!"

The F. D. brought in a couple of huge fans to clear the apartment, and we've been laughing about this for years.

*Pally* and *Petey* are not the real names of the subjects of the story, in case you were wondering.

The Crack Monkey · Post by **The Crack Monkey** » Tue Dec 06, 2005 4:10 pm

Of course the following night when I told my smart ass friends at the bar about what I'd done, they all just said "Why didn't you use the microwave?"

I'd never thought of that before. It shuts off by itself!