Birthdays and hookers

[The Crack Monkey]

Got into a discussion about hookers last night at the bar. (Because there was one in there.) So, I had to tell everyone there my story from back around 1997 or 1998.

I was out with a couple of friends on my birthday and we were hitting some really sleazy bars in a bad part of town. We'd settled into one dive, and were watching a prostitution sting going on across the street.

They had a female cop pretending to be a hooker, taking guys around the corner, then coming back without them. It was good entertainment for a while, but after we'd each had probably a pitcher or so of beer we decided to find another place to continue our night of debauchery.

On the way to the car the "prostitute" came over to me saying "Hey baby, you looking for a date?" Being intoxicated (and a smartass) I said "Yeah! I am all alone tonight!" She asked what I had for her, so I reached in my pocket. In one pocket I had probably $400...the other one had change. 43 cents, to be exact. I pulled out a quarter and a dime and some pennies and counted it up and said "Well I got 43 cents."

I was waiting for her to tell me to get the hell out of there, but nope. She said well come with me. I tried to say "No, that's alright. I'm really not interested", but the next thing i knew I was on the ground and being handcuffed.

Not good!

My friends tried to explain to the cop that it was a joke, but she'd have none of that. I was tossed in the paddy wagon, taken to jail & had my fingerprints and photo taken. Thankfully my friends came and paid the $100 to bail me out.

Talk about a bad night.

A few weeks later I had to go to court over it. The judge called me to the front of the courtroom and asked how I wanted to plead. I said not guilty, your honor. I watched his face as he read the entire police report, and noticed he didn't look to happy. The lady cop happened to be in the court room, and he called her up.

"Officer so and so, would you step up here please?"

I don't recall exactly how the conversation went, but what does stand out is it's the only time I've ever heard a judge say "shit" while in court. He told the gal in no uncertain terms that she was wasting his time, my time, and everyone else's time, and that she'd better NEVER bring a case like this to him again.

It's a bitch that I had to go through all that just because of 43 cents, but it's almost worth it because it makes a hell of a funny bar story.

[Malkor]

I cant belive it was allowed to be sent to court, youd think the judge would see the fact you offered 43 cents and throw it out of the window before it reached court, still thje police probarbly blew it all out of preportions in the pre court/arrest report, nice story man, shame about the loss of funds

[hophead]

Did she make a good hooker?

[The Crack Monkey]

Did she make a good hooker?

No! And on the way out of court I told her she wasn't worth 50 cents!

[Oggar]

I don't know that seems like a pretty good fucking for $0.43.

[Tipsy McStagger]

I don't know that seems like a pretty good fucking for $0.43.

Well, $100.43- you forgot the cost of bail.

[Bone]

That is freaking funny as shit! It's bad enough that cops and hookers independently try to screw you over, now this. But I guess justice was done, thank you Judge Judy.

Funny story man!