The Stripper

The Wiggins · Post by **The Wiggins** » Wed Jan 25, 2006 10:59 pm

This is going to be the second story put up on my website. Any editorial work and criticism is not only welcome, but encouraged. Give me your thoughts. This is my first encounter with a stripper at a club.

My two friends, Dustin and Ethan, had decided it was time I got acquainted with a stripper. Now, I’m not a fan of strip clubs because you can find equally suitable women outside of a paying environment.

Of course I had been drinking. I was pleasantly drunk when I walked into the strip club. In fact, I was such a pleasant person, the bouncers decided not to cover charge me. Who knows? My two friends are sitting at a table by themselves when I joined them, their eyes glued covetously on a beautiful nymph gyrating on stage. I was beginning to see why this might be a good idea, after all. In fact, I loved naked women, and I didn’t even have to work to get their clothes off. Just throw green pieces of paper, and their skimpy dresses would just slink right off.

It comes about that time, and my friends decide for me that I needed a lap dance. Obviously, I’d rather spend my money on something better. Food, or alcohol. Or maybe porn. Or maybe on a cheap hooker for a handjob. I had plans for that twenty dollars, but it came to no fruition. After conversing with the manager for a minute, they came back with a promise that the most “freak-nasty girl” was to be sent over. Well, if I’m going to do something, I’m going to do it full bore. A lithe woman comes over, wild eyed and belligerent. Squealing, “I like mohawks ” she reaches into the mohawk of my own and grabs a handful of hair, dragging me away from the table I was at.

Hm, so this was what a VIP room looks like. Plush couches, dim lighting, blaring music, and a private bar off to one side. This might not be so bad, I mused to myself. Rowdy and rambunctious, she pushes me down on one of the couches and wastes no time in jumping on top off me. Let me clarify here; about an hour earlier I had a slight mishap with the beer I was drinking and it ended up coming out of my nose. Now, you’ll find that when beer exits your nasal cavity, mucus will then fill said cavity for a few hours to come. She was on top of me, topless, undulating rhythmically to the music that was playing. Leaning closer, she shoved her breasts in my face. Snot dripped from my nose, wiping itself between her cleavage. She didn’t notice, she was too coked out too care by this point. She was one big ball of hypercharged energy, ready to get her kicks and money from anybody she could find. ((And this is the part where I start writing while drunk.)) Sadly, though, I am unable to attain an erection, which is an integral part of any lapdance. She notices this after she puts her hand down into my lap, intending to find something to play with. A sad look briefly overcomes her face. It’s not my fault I am not attracted to coked out strippers trying to support their methamphetamine habit and three babies from illegitimate fathers. She then announces, “I’m going to try something I haven’t done in awhile, you okay with that?” I didn’t really care, so I responded, “Well, fuck, why not? Knock it out.” She had her back facing to me, and put her hands down on the couch. Somehow, she did a backwards flip while giving a lapdance, and her legs were straddling my head, with her crotch directly in my face. I tried to move my head backwards, but she was adamant about putting herself on my face. She backed it up onto my face, and there it was, I realized what this was missing. This was a woman with no morals. Hell, I could pay her enough and she’d sleep with me. There was no fun in this, there was no chase. The song ended soon after, and I was glad for it to be over. Don’t go to strip clubs, for the most part, they’re overrated.

Heileman · Post by **Heileman** » Thu Jan 26, 2006 12:45 am

The worst part is that from the scenery you described in your story, I've concluded that you were actually in a nice strip club.

The kind of places I go to charge ten bucks to get in and then give you free beer or rails all night, or serve pitchers of Bud for $5 everyday of the week. The nude women are just a bonus in situations such as these.

The Wiggins · Post by **The Wiggins** » Thu Jan 26, 2006 11:41 am

I suppose a seedy strip club would have been better, but I kind of like my strippers with no dents and dings.

Heileman · Post by **Heileman** » Thu Jan 26, 2006 8:40 pm

I wasn't trying to imply that I frequent seedy strip clubs (although I've been in a few that would make your skin crawl), I just prefer the type that are more conducive to drinking rather than the ones where the upscale business man attempts to impress a stripper by throwing money around.

The more middle-class gentleman's club has good looking girls and charge reasonable prices for the drinks.

I was just trying to say something... that.. fuck. I don't remem ber anymore.

Oh, yeah, I was just trying to say that I love gin. Its delicious.

Saltandgin · Post by **Saltandgin** » Wed Feb 01, 2006 5:27 pm

Marry that good woman, she's classy AND a gymnast.

TheBigCasino · Post by **TheBigCasino** » Thu Feb 02, 2006 4:14 am

we can't look down on nhe stripper, or the school teacher or the construction worker.

we're all out there doing things we'll never , ever talk about,.

MidSummer Cocktail · Post by **MidSummer Cocktail** » Wed Feb 08, 2006 1:30 pm

The Wiggins wrote:I suppose a seedy strip club would have been better, but I kind of like my strippers with no dents and dings.

Wow you are truly a man of class.

Rowdydrunk79 · Post by **Rowdydrunk79** » Wed Feb 08, 2006 3:00 pm

MidSummer Psyco wrote:
The Wiggins wrote:I suppose a seedy strip club would have been better, but I kind of like my strippers with no dents and dings.
Wow you are truly a man of class.

Indeed. Good to see you Tamara

Resident Asshole · Post by **Resident Asshole** » Thu Feb 09, 2006 8:24 am

Wow, I'm amazed that someone else realizes that strip clubs are a ridiculous concept. Most guys would just think "Hey, boobs, naked, I like this."