But I think being a pirate is harder.
See, I was in an irish baAAAARRRR for st patties, dancing and drinking in my pirate regalia. When these snotty ugly ninja wannabe bitches poured their drink down my back (-1000 cool points for alcohol abuse on them already, and -1000 more points for being ninjas), punched me with a beer bottle in the face (-1000 another points), then begin raining retarded fists of fury on my skull.
I did what anyone in my position would do. I hunched over my pint of stout (not spilling a drop) and waited for my mates to save me. One of the best of my crew, in lieu of having a hose, poured his Guinness on the girls to stop them, creating the catch phrase of the night: "Sometimes you just gotta dump a Guinness on a bitch..."
(+1000 points to my friend!) . The ninja whores then scampered off and, unfortunately, disappeared into the crowd of people in green tshirts. (-2373636723643 points. squared) I looked up and started laughing my ass off. I SO outdid last St Patties when all I did was piss myself, pass out on the street, and vomit in a friends cars.
I ended up with a gash on my cheek, needing 5 sutures. I would have received no damage if it weren't for the beer bottle. Their windmill punch tactics did no harm at all. Bad show, ladies. Bad show. I did however end up with a nifty eye patch. YAAARRRRR!
Score Board in the end:
Me: 5 sutures, 1 eyepatch
My crew: +1billion points and guarantees to the buried treasure
Ninja whores: a police record and so many anti cool points its not even fucking funny. The ninjas are going to have to try better if they want to end me.
