Drunkard Injuries

Remember what happened last night? Good. Now tell the world.

Moderators: NYDingbat, oettinger, Judge, Oggar, Badfellow, Mr Boozificator, Artful Drunktective, mistah willies

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Rye and Coke
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by Rye and Coke »

Rye and Coke wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 4:13 pm

What did I do? Did I destroy his bathroom? What did I say? I have no earthly idea, so much so that I'm probably never going back there again. Hahaha. I can't deal with that fallout. Just another bridge burned I guess.

Then again, maybe I will sneak back one day, under the cover of a thick blanket of time. Maybe I'll find I did nothing at all, and was only guilty of injuring myself on my way home from having one of the greatest times in a while.
So I sneaked back in recently and sheepishly asked the bartender if I had done anything...unseemly. The small female bartender only smiled at me devilishly and assured me that I did nothing, or at least she hadn't heard that I'd done anything. She does remember them bringing up my name for some reason tho'...

which of course means...

I did some shit.

Haha, whatever, at least I now know that I'm not banished from the place. Cheers to that.
"Fuck you mean I'm drunk muddafugger?!?!" - Richard Pryor

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Rye and Coke
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Godammnit, I broke something in my foot

Post by Rye and Coke »

in an angry rage, I kicked a door. The door was like, "quit playing with me" and my foot was like, "back up, back up."

So now I'm doing the Dr. House thing with a cane. Just hobbling about, all cranky and grumpy. The doctor said it's just a contusion, but it feels broken to me.

The doctor said I can take pain killers, but that's not something I want to do with the lifestyle I lead. I mean, I don't hate my liver. So I got myself a bottle of rye and vodka and I'm just going to wait this thing out. Anybody got any war wound stories? I'm a use this thread as a diary of my recovery.

Cheers!
"Fuck you mean I'm drunk muddafugger?!?!" - Richard Pryor

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oettinger
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by oettinger »

You`re sure you don`t have any autodidactive-drinking-autosuicidal-malsuperfunction when you`re drunk?
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oettinger
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by oettinger »

As a mod I have to ask this question...
Drink sizes matter
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Savage
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Drunken injuries

Post by Savage »

It's that wonderful time of the year, when champagne and boozy eggnog and Tom and Jerrys flow. So how did I tear up my left foot and my right knee? Retrieving a couple of Christmas packages, stepping barefoot on a chunk of glass I missed from the broken candelabra from Macy's that came a day or two ago, and tripping over Grumpy's damn sneakers that he leaves in the entry instead of dumping them in the damn halltree-shoedump thing I bought when we moved in here. (He's trying to kill me. The unsalted nuts make me choke.)

So now I am awake, and I cannot put on a shoe to drive for a half hour to the nearest town to return the fekking candelabra bits and pieces and I'm all out of the oxy whatever they gave me after surgery and all this happened while I was hopped up on milk and cinnamon toast. Life is (fill in blank)

Grumpy drank all the bourbon. Pour a lady a drink?
like tears in rain

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Badfellow
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Re: Drunken injuries

Post by Badfellow »

Rowdy Savage Piper wrote:I am here to kick Grumpy's ass with my one good foot and chew oxy. And I'm all outta oxy.
A Drunkard prayer of healing and pain mitigation goes in your direction. Remember to eat plenty of healing, holiday foods (cheese fondue, chocolate) and drink plenty of healing, holiday liquids such as Bourbon and Prosseco.
ພາສາລາວNONE GENUINE WITHOUT MY SIGNATUREພາສາລາວ

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Re: Broke Me Deek

Post by Artful Drunktective »

Ich habe einen Boner wrote:
Fri Jan 17, 2020 1:53 pm
Let a fatty ride me while drunk, now me deek has a biend
Oh nein. Not more stories about Birdie's teeny DEEK.
"Something's got to be done. We can't go on like this.
I must have some booze".


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oettinger
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by oettinger »

Ich habe einen Boner wrote:
Fri Jan 17, 2020 1:50 pm

Ich kann mir nur zwei solche Verletzungen vorstellen
Aha, german:

Ach, nur zwei du Wichser? Tut die erste nicht schon genug weh. Pass mal auf du Sackgesicht, dein blutiger Hoden ist hier fehl am Platz. Verpiss dich und alle deine dämlichen Missgeburten,

guten Tag
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oldsmartskunk
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by oldsmartskunk »

Shoooo, you damn nazis , nobody wants to hear you weird sexploitation stories about your ulalah ding dongs and wiener schnitzels .

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oettinger
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by oettinger »

Being german is not yet considered a drunkard injury I hope
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Nausea
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by Nausea »

Woke up to a carpet-burned forehead. I think I must have stumbled over my dumbbells to get some water in the middle of the night.

But I really don't know.
Oh God, my grandmother would kill me.

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oettinger
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by oettinger »

Nausea wrote:
Wed May 06, 2020 6:20 pm
Woke up to a carpet-burned forehead. I think I must have stumbled over my dumbbells to get some water in the middle of the night.

But I really don't know.
How do you remember that you can`t remember. Work on your blackouts!
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scream ale
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by scream ale »

oettinger wrote:
Sat May 09, 2020 12:47 pm
How do you remember that you can`t remember
He's a walking talking miracle
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oldsmartskunk
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by oldsmartskunk »

i fucked a fat chick in my small italian car. She ruined my back for a couple of weeks. Worth it.

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oettinger
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by oettinger »

oldsmartskunk wrote:
Sat May 30, 2020 3:00 pm
i fucked a fat chick in my small italian car. She ruined my back for a couple of weeks. Worth it.
What a slut
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