I suggest doors. Autopilot doesn't really always calculate the time difference between roughly pulling it open and stepping forward.oldsmartskunk wrote:I think i feel flat on my face, since it was bruised a bit.
Drunkard Injuries
Moderators: Badfellow, Mr Boozificator, Artful Drunktective, mistah willies, NYDingbat, Judge, oettinger, Oggar
Re: Drunkard Injuries
- oldsmartskunk
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Re: Drunkard Injuries
That or i angered the booze elf.
- booznik
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Re: Drunkard Injuries
The plastic cap on my tequila bottle just fucked itself. The inner screwcap portion that was glued into the outer big cap unglued. Trying to pry it off, I sliced a thin layer of skin off my finger in the process (drunkard injury!).
I consulted my drawer full of corks and found one that fit on the second try. A drawer full of corks can be a useful thing. It's a blood bank for booze-bottles.

I consulted my drawer full of corks and found one that fit on the second try. A drawer full of corks can be a useful thing. It's a blood bank for booze-bottles.

"Booznik. Smooth, classy and manatee-like." --Bur
"Oh, you've been reading your Sir Kenelm Digby, haven't you? Stick to the mead recipes, especially that of the Mayor of Moscovy. That shizz is SACK!!!" --Badfellow
"Now stop and DRINK! bastards." --mistah willies
"A stand alone place for booze is as essential for a home, as is a bed to sleep on." --Miklo

"Oh, you've been reading your Sir Kenelm Digby, haven't you? Stick to the mead recipes, especially that of the Mayor of Moscovy. That shizz is SACK!!!" --Badfellow
"Now stop and DRINK! bastards." --mistah willies
"A stand alone place for booze is as essential for a home, as is a bed to sleep on." --Miklo

- Patchez
- Chugging Like Churchill
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Re: Drunkard Injuries
booznik wrote: A drawer full of corks can be a useful thing. It's a blood bank for booze-bottles.
I strongly disagree. If I had those at the house I could never use the excuse "But Honey, i have to drink it all tonight. I broke the cap and don't want it all to evaporate."
Now you're ready for some anti-dry-otics!-BeerMakesMeSmarter
If worms had daggers, birds wouldn't fuck with them-Todd Snider
Blackout and be extraordinary-Absinthe of Malice
If worms had daggers, birds wouldn't fuck with them-Todd Snider
Blackout and be extraordinary-Absinthe of Malice
- Savage
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Re: Drunkard Injuries
We have a bit of a problem. The plastic thingies on handles seem to allow leaks on countertops. When one pries off said plastic, one must remember that stated booze flows at a much faster rate. Well, first world problems, as they say.
like tears in rain
Re: Drunkard Injuries
Aww how cute, booznik collected all his former soothers*.
* (UK = Dummies, US= Pacifiers)
* (UK = Dummies, US= Pacifiers)
I do not remember posting that ^^^

- booznik
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Re: Drunkard Injuries
I like the cut of your jib.Patchez wrote:I strongly disagree. If I had those at the house I could never use the excuse "But Honey, i have to drink it all tonight. I broke the cap and don't want it all to evaporate."
Total liquor company conspiracy. Every drop of countertop booze inches you closer to buying another bottle.Savage wrote:...The plastic thingies on handles seem to allow leaks on countertops. When one pries off said plastic, one must remember that stated booze flows at a much faster rate. Well, first world problems, as they say.
Semi-related, for a good time, hand a bottle of Buchanan's scotch to the uninitiated, and watch them try to pour. Anti-refill flow restrictors, how do they work?! Is that tiny glass marble supposed to be there? (hint: yes.)
They have pacified many a cranky bottle. I only save the unique and interesting ones, or the ones that look like they might fit an unusual bottle. Perhaps if I'd saved every single one over the years, I could open up a cork factory. Then again, I'd need a bigger drawer.oettinger wrote:Aww how cute, booznik collected all his former soothers.
"Booznik. Smooth, classy and manatee-like." --Bur
"Oh, you've been reading your Sir Kenelm Digby, haven't you? Stick to the mead recipes, especially that of the Mayor of Moscovy. That shizz is SACK!!!" --Badfellow
"Now stop and DRINK! bastards." --mistah willies
"A stand alone place for booze is as essential for a home, as is a bed to sleep on." --Miklo

"Oh, you've been reading your Sir Kenelm Digby, haven't you? Stick to the mead recipes, especially that of the Mayor of Moscovy. That shizz is SACK!!!" --Badfellow
"Now stop and DRINK! bastards." --mistah willies
"A stand alone place for booze is as essential for a home, as is a bed to sleep on." --Miklo

- oldsmartskunk
- Inebriate Savant
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Re: Drunkard Injuries
Got really really drunk. In winter. Me and my mate went out to take a walk and i decided to take a leak. During this holy process i fell dick down into snow. That looked really funny. And my wiener felt really funny for days!
- booznik
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Re: Drunkard Injuries
Drunken occupational hazards, they're everywhere. How many injurious stories have started with those two sentences?oldsmartskunk wrote:Got really really drunk...Me and my mate went out to take a walk and i decided to take a leak...
Gotta keep spares on hand just in case. Made with German precision and a long, glorious history of sausage expertise.
Not so sure about the "extra crunchy" though...

"Booznik. Smooth, classy and manatee-like." --Bur
"Oh, you've been reading your Sir Kenelm Digby, haven't you? Stick to the mead recipes, especially that of the Mayor of Moscovy. That shizz is SACK!!!" --Badfellow
"Now stop and DRINK! bastards." --mistah willies
"A stand alone place for booze is as essential for a home, as is a bed to sleep on." --Miklo

"Oh, you've been reading your Sir Kenelm Digby, haven't you? Stick to the mead recipes, especially that of the Mayor of Moscovy. That shizz is SACK!!!" --Badfellow
"Now stop and DRINK! bastards." --mistah willies
"A stand alone place for booze is as essential for a home, as is a bed to sleep on." --Miklo

- Savage
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Re: Drunkard Injuries
And now i am suffering a nasty wound, on account of the old Grump clawed open my arm (by accident, but still) And I can't wake him up to help change the dressing. Oh, ouch.
like tears in rain
- mistah willies
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Re: Drunkard Injuries
That certainly beats any junk-drawer in this damned house.booznik wrote:The plastic cap on my tequila bottle just fucked itself. The inner screwcap portion that was glued into the outer big cap unglued. Trying to pry it off, I sliced a thin layer of skin off my finger in the process (drunkard injury!).
I consulted my drawer full of corks and found one that fit on the second try. A drawer full of corks can be a useful thing. It's a blood bank for booze-bottles.
More like a treasure trove of memories, if only one could remember
memories mammaries? those be nipples for tipples!
.
Can we drink now? ---peetie44
At rock bottom, there is no down. ---The Oett
^ ^ ^ Yes his entire cutlery set and all utensils are made from assorted broken bottles.--- The Artful Detective
Just remember Hugh: a good cocktail in a shitty glass is better that a shitty cocktail in a pretty glass.---The Badfellow
I'll buy the first round if you promise to stop being a cunt. --- Dear Booze
At rock bottom, there is no down. ---The Oett
^ ^ ^ Yes his entire cutlery set and all utensils are made from assorted broken bottles.--- The Artful Detective
Just remember Hugh: a good cocktail in a shitty glass is better that a shitty cocktail in a pretty glass.---The Badfellow
I'll buy the first round if you promise to stop being a cunt. --- Dear Booze
- booznik
- King Cockeyed
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Re: Drunkard Injuries
Given the mechanics of the whole bottle thing, they're more likely to be short, stubby... willies.mistah willies wrote:memories mammaries? those be nipples for tipples!
Nice mental image. Thanks a lot, brother. Thanks ever so much. I'm never reaching into that drawer again.
Except when I need the corkscrew.
(badum-bump TSS)
"Booznik. Smooth, classy and manatee-like." --Bur
"Oh, you've been reading your Sir Kenelm Digby, haven't you? Stick to the mead recipes, especially that of the Mayor of Moscovy. That shizz is SACK!!!" --Badfellow
"Now stop and DRINK! bastards." --mistah willies
"A stand alone place for booze is as essential for a home, as is a bed to sleep on." --Miklo

"Oh, you've been reading your Sir Kenelm Digby, haven't you? Stick to the mead recipes, especially that of the Mayor of Moscovy. That shizz is SACK!!!" --Badfellow
"Now stop and DRINK! bastards." --mistah willies
"A stand alone place for booze is as essential for a home, as is a bed to sleep on." --Miklo

- mistah willies
- Drinking Like W.C.
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Re: Drunkard Injuries
booznik wrote:Given the mechanics of the whole bottle thing, they're more likely to be short, stubby... willies.mistah willies wrote:memories mammaries? those be nipples for tipples!
Nice mental image. Thanks a lot, brother. Thanks ever so much. I'm never reaching into that drawer again.
Except when I need the corkscrew.
(badum-bump TSS)
To quote Lady Savage:
Ewww
- booznik
- King Cockeyed
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Re: Drunkard Injuries
Having heard the evidence, and Prosecutor Willies moving, if extremely brief, closing argument... the jury finds this thread in Contempt of Cork.mistah willies wrote: To quote Lady Savage:
Ewww
Forthwith, they shall return to being corks, and no other thing, or somebody's going to jail.
Court adjourned.
"Booznik. Smooth, classy and manatee-like." --Bur
"Oh, you've been reading your Sir Kenelm Digby, haven't you? Stick to the mead recipes, especially that of the Mayor of Moscovy. That shizz is SACK!!!" --Badfellow
"Now stop and DRINK! bastards." --mistah willies
"A stand alone place for booze is as essential for a home, as is a bed to sleep on." --Miklo

"Oh, you've been reading your Sir Kenelm Digby, haven't you? Stick to the mead recipes, especially that of the Mayor of Moscovy. That shizz is SACK!!!" --Badfellow
"Now stop and DRINK! bastards." --mistah willies
"A stand alone place for booze is as essential for a home, as is a bed to sleep on." --Miklo

- Patchez
- Chugging Like Churchill
- Posts: 5340
- Joined: Sat Feb 06, 2010 6:41 pm
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Re: Drunkard Injuries
Those corksuckers.
Now you're ready for some anti-dry-otics!-BeerMakesMeSmarter
If worms had daggers, birds wouldn't fuck with them-Todd Snider
Blackout and be extraordinary-Absinthe of Malice
If worms had daggers, birds wouldn't fuck with them-Todd Snider
Blackout and be extraordinary-Absinthe of Malice