Drunkard Injuries

[Bur]

I think i feel flat on my face, since it was bruised a bit.

I suggest doors. Autopilot doesn't really always calculate the time difference between roughly pulling it open and stepping forward.

[oldsmartskunk]

That or i angered the booze elf.

[booznik]

The plastic cap on my tequila bottle just fucked itself. The inner screwcap portion that was glued into the outer big cap unglued. Trying to pry it off, I sliced a thin layer of skin off my finger in the process (drunkard injury!).

I consulted my drawer full of corks and found one that fit on the second try. A drawer full of corks can be a useful thing. It's a blood bank for booze-bottles.

[Patchez]

A drawer full of corks can be a useful thing. It's a blood bank for booze-bottles.

I strongly disagree. If I had those at the house I could never use the excuse "But Honey, i have to drink it all tonight. I broke the cap and don't want it all to evaporate."

[Savage]

We have a bit of a problem. The plastic thingies on handles seem to allow leaks on countertops. When one pries off said plastic, one must remember that stated booze flows at a much faster rate. Well, first world problems, as they say.

[oettinger]

Aww how cute, booznik collected all his former soothers*.



* (UK = Dummies, US= Pacifiers)

[booznik]

I strongly disagree. If I had those at the house I could never use the excuse "But Honey, i have to drink it all tonight. I broke the cap and don't want it all to evaporate."

I like the cut of your jib.

...The plastic thingies on handles seem to allow leaks on countertops. When one pries off said plastic, one must remember that stated booze flows at a much faster rate. Well, first world problems, as they say.

Total liquor company conspiracy. Every drop of countertop booze inches you closer to buying another bottle.

Semi-related, for a good time, hand a bottle of Buchanan's scotch to the uninitiated, and watch them try to pour. Anti-refill flow restrictors, how do they work?! Is that tiny glass marble supposed to be there? (hint: yes.)

Aww how cute, booznik collected all his former soothers.

They have pacified many a cranky bottle. I only save the unique and interesting ones, or the ones that look like they might fit an unusual bottle. Perhaps if I'd saved every single one over the years, I could open up a cork factory. Then again, I'd need a bigger drawer.

[oldsmartskunk]

Got really really drunk. In winter. Me and my mate went out to take a walk and i decided to take a leak. During this holy process i fell dick down into snow. That looked really funny. And my wiener felt really funny for days!

[booznik]

Got really really drunk...Me and my mate went out to take a walk and i decided to take a leak...

Drunken occupational hazards, they're everywhere. How many injurious stories have started with those two sentences?

Gotta keep spares on hand just in case. Made with German precision and a long, glorious history of sausage expertise.

Not so sure about the "extra crunchy" though...

[Savage]

And now i am suffering a nasty wound, on account of the old Grump clawed open my arm (by accident, but still) And I can't wake him up to help change the dressing. Oh, ouch.

[mistah willies]

The plastic cap on my tequila bottle just fucked itself. The inner screwcap portion that was glued into the outer big cap unglued. Trying to pry it off, I sliced a thin layer of skin off my finger in the process (drunkard injury!).

I consulted my drawer full of corks and found one that fit on the second try. A drawer full of corks can be a useful thing. It's a blood bank for booze-bottles.

That certainly beats any junk-drawer in this damned house.


More like a treasure trove of memories, if only one could remember





memories mammaries? those be nipples for tipples!




.

[booznik]

memories mammaries? those be nipples for tipples!

Given the mechanics of the whole bottle thing, they're more likely to be short, stubby... willies.

Nice mental image. Thanks a lot, brother. Thanks ever so much. I'm never reaching into that drawer again.

Except when I need the corkscrew.

(badum-bump TSS)

[mistah willies]

memories mammaries? those be nipples for tipples!

Given the mechanics of the whole bottle thing, they're more likely to be short, stubby... willies.

Nice mental image. Thanks a lot, brother. Thanks ever so much. I'm never reaching into that drawer again.

Except when I need the corkscrew.

(badum-bump TSS)

To quote Lady Savage:

Ewww

[booznik]

To quote Lady Savage:

Ewww

Having heard the evidence, and Prosecutor Willies moving, if extremely brief, closing argument... the jury finds this thread in Contempt of Cork.

Forthwith, they shall return to being corks, and no other thing, or somebody's going to jail.

Court adjourned.

[Patchez]

Those corksuckers.