Seeing old friends

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EEmperor
Tippler
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Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Dec 28, 2012 4:53 pm
Location: London, England

Seeing old friends

Post by EEmperor »

My friend Charles had just bought a new house in Reading and invited most of his friends for a housewarming party. My friend Jack and I obliged and got the train armed with 2 bottles of wine each.
We arrived at his house at about 6pm and started drinking. There were already a few people there including our good friend Miguel and his recently turned ex-girlfriend.

It being the World Cup and Charles not having a TV, I decided to find a local pub to see Portugal vs Germany on my own. I had about 3 pints of Guinness trying not to get too drunk and went back to Charles'. It's now about 9pm and I find Jack, Miguel and everyone else considerably drunker than I am so I decide to catch up. I finish my second bottle of wine while talking to some bald guy who I somehow ofended and we decided to head to a club at around 11pm. We get there and realise that, excluding our crowd of about 10 people, there were about 5 people under 30 and the place itself was, for lack of a better word, shit.

We were soon to be proven wrong when we discovered that doubles were only £2. I get 2 doubles and Miguel (a wanna-be ladies man) and I stood and enjoy our drinks. I spotted an attractive girl with a very impressive rack and commented "What do you think of that?" Miguel exclaims, rather loudly "This is fucking unfair, there are only 2 hot girls in this club and I've already fucked one of them." To my surprise the girl in question exclaims, even louder, that "That greasy man says the most awful things!" Fair enough. Time to move to the dance floor.

I somehow lose Miguel and decide to dance with the other hot girl in the club, his ex. We're having a pretty good time, when Miguel joins us and I decide I must have a cigarette. Ever the gentleman, Miguel leaves her alone in the middle of the dance floor and proceeds to join me outside, where we discuss why they broke up, etc.

Enter my friend Jack, drunk as a skunk proudly proclaiming he was instructing a Czech fellow in the toilets about the Defenestration of Prague. We get more drinks and the night continues. I go for another smoke and a friend is talking to a 40ish year old woman. I join him in the hope of saving him when she asks me what I do. "What I do? I don't do, I simply am!" She takes my friend aside and proclaims that she is "a psychiatrist, and I can tell that your friend has a narcissistic and domineering personality and you really shouldn't hang out with that sort of people." At this point I'm trying out strangers' hats, talking to jamaican bouncers about reggae and its relationship to Jah and loudly exclaiming when a guy gets thrown out that "Some people just can't hold their drink."

We decide to leave, at which point I fancy a take-away. There were about 5 police outside the club breaking a fight and I decide that if anyone can help me in my quest it will be an officer of the law. I ask him for directions and he ignores me. I then explain to him that I pay his wage and in effect he works for me and unless he tells me where I can get a burger he can consider himself fired. Charles intervenes and takes me to get a burger. We then get separated as we get into different taxis, I sharing one with a friend.
The taxi driver being surprisingly quiet, I ask him if he's a Nazi. He won't respond. "Only a Nazi wouldn't respond to that question! You obviously are a Nazi and at the same time here you are, Jewing us out of our money! Ha! That's exactly what you are! A Nazi Jew! I always knew I would find one of you bastards one day!"

For some reason he took us back to the house, where upon entering a sausage is thrown at me by Jack, while my other friend gets hit in the face with a half-cooked chicken by Miguel. Things have become too weird even for me and I head to bed. Unfortunately, about 5 other people decide to join in, at which point I move to the bed where the ex is sleeping in. Unfortunately, some people decide to crash there too, resulting a quite uncomfortable night for all involved.

The next day we find out that a friend had unprotected sex with a stranger and another one was getting lucky, when the girl started crying about her boyfriend's erectile dysfunction, at which point he decides the best course of action is to cook some rice in the kitchen and start eating it in her room and then proceeding to hide it in her sock drawer when she comes back from the toilet.
"Work is the curse of the drinking class."

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