One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Remember what happened last night? Good. Now tell the world.

Moderators: NYDingbat, oettinger, Judge, Oggar, Badfellow, Mr Boozificator, Artful Drunktective, mistah willies

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oettinger
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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by oettinger »

this thread wouldn`t last a page when it whould`ve been named "10 things I`ve not done while drunk"
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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by vodkagal613 »

oettinger wrote:this thread wouldn`t last a page when it whould`ve been named "10 things I`ve not done while drunk"
Pfft...dude! Haha!
"There's nothing wrong with enjoying a glass or two."

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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by vodkagal613 »

oldsmartskunk wrote:
mistah willies wrote:#246 I once sat down next to a chubby girl on a couch at a house party and put my leg on her thigh. I leaned over, looked deeply into her eyes and asked her if I could get her a drink.

She said, "Get your leg off me! Your knee is hurting my baby!"

True story.
A real man always takes pregnant woman for chubby. A fine deed old chap. You did miss a perfect come back one liner: "Get your leg off me! Your knee is hurting my baby!"
"Imagine what my penis will do him. Probably rob him of his virginity before birth"
The thing I got here was...how sure are you it's a boy? :D such a messed up image by the way. hahaha! and yet I'm laughing.
"There's nothing wrong with enjoying a glass or two."

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Patchez
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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by Patchez »

Wait..... what was the Question again?

Oh, yeah, ok. I forgot shit while I was drunk.
Now you're ready for some anti-dry-otics!-BeerMakesMeSmarter

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oldsmartskunk
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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by oldsmartskunk »

Jerked off into some girl's glove.
Stole a cheap plastic clock from a kindergarden. During this process i laughed so hard, security guard heard me and i had to comando jump out the window.
Broke a beer bottle with my ass.( severely lacerating my gluteus maximus)

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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by Dear Booze »

oldsmartskunk wrote:Jerked off into some girl's glove.
Stole a cheap plastic clock from a kindergarden. During this process i laughed so hard, security guard heard me and i had to comando jump out the window.
Broke a beer bottle with my ass.( severely lacerating my gluteus maximus)
Why/how were you in a kindergarten? That might be the story in itself.
Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Give a drunk man tortilla chips, Velveeta and a hair dryer and he has nachos.

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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by oldsmartskunk »

Dear Booze wrote:
oldsmartskunk wrote:Jerked off into some girl's glove.
Stole a cheap plastic clock from a kindergarden. During this process i laughed so hard, security guard heard me and i had to comando jump out the window.
Broke a beer bottle with my ass.( severely lacerating my gluteus maximus)
Why/how were you in a kindergarten? That might be the story in itself.
How does a drunk man gets anywhere near a kindergarten at 2am in the morning? To this day, i don't know the reason. Since i'm having a bit of a drinking session i shall compile a story about that night.

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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by mistah willies »

oldsmartskunk wrote:... Since i'm having a bit of a drinking session i shall compile a story about that night.
Do tell!

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oettinger
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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by oettinger »

# 248 got pissed drunk
Party at a friends place. I got super loaded and woke up in his room that was in the cellar. I had to take a pee immediatly but there was no bathroom. I knew that there was a sink somewhere but it was pitch dark. Then I remebered the guest toilet on first floor. I hurried to the stairs only to find out that there was a tiny "door" build in at the top of the stairs to keep the dog from going downstairs. Needles to say this "obstacle" was too much for my drunken-self to handle. Before I knew I peed in my leather pants and boots to the point the boots were flowing over. I went back to my friends room afterwards and slept on the floor.
Next morning his girlfriend complained about the spilled water on the stairs. His mom tried with no results to get the pee spot out of the carpet where I slept.

# 249 type the most embarassing shit ever on the internet
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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by Maj »

hossthomas wrote:#244 Got invited to my neighbors' house when I was already hammered. Proceeded to drink all of their booze, put a cigarette burn on their couch and keep them up until almost 6 in the morning by loudly slurring personal anecdotes at them. They haven't spoken to me since...
Don't sweat it . . . it's their fault for inviting you.
I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by Maj »

oettinger wrote:# 248 got pissed drunk
Party at a friends place. I got super loaded and woke up in his room that was in the cellar. I had to take a pee immediatly but there was no bathroom. I knew that there was a sink somewhere but it was pitch dark. Then I remebered the guest toilet on first floor. I hurried to the stairs only to find out that there was a tiny "door" build in at the top of the stairs to keep the dog from going downstairs. Needles to say this "obstacle" was too much for my drunken-self to handle. Before I knew I peed in my leather pants and boots to the point the boots were flowing over. I went back to my friends room afterwards and slept on the floor.
Next morning his girlfriend complained about the spilled water on the stairs. His mom tried with no results to get the pee spot out of the carpet where I slept.

# 249 type the most embarassing shit ever on the internet
The most embarrassing thing about all that was that you were wearing leather pants!
I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

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oettinger
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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by oettinger »

Maj wrote:
oettinger wrote:# 248 got pissed drunk
Party at a friends place. I got super loaded and woke up in his room that was in the cellar. I had to take a pee immediatly but there was no bathroom. I knew that there was a sink somewhere but it was pitch dark. Then I remebered the guest toilet on first floor. I hurried to the stairs only to find out that there was a tiny "door" build in at the top of the stairs to keep the dog from going downstairs. Needles to say this "obstacle" was too much for my drunken-self to handle. Before I knew I peed in my leather pants and boots to the point the boots were flowing over. I went back to my friends room afterwards and slept on the floor.
Next morning his girlfriend complained about the spilled water on the stairs. His mom tried with no results to get the pee spot out of the carpet where I slept.

# 249 type the most embarassing shit ever on the internet
The most embarrassing thing about all that was that you were wearing leather pants!
And do to this day, they just fit with my leather-mask on. Thanks for chiming in. Cheers
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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by AntonArkydivich »

#250 booked plane tickets to Grenada with my leftover miles from my credit card. Not a great way to wake up, but not a terrible way to wake up once my wife calmed down.
Making my own city lights out of bourbon and the stars of a barroom fight.
- Josh Ritter

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oettinger
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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by oettinger »

AntonArkydivich wrote:#250 booked plane tickets to Grenada with my leftover miles from my credit card. Not a great way to wake up, but not a terrible way to wake up once my wife calmed down.
Hey why not!
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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by AntonArkydivich »

oettinger wrote:
AntonArkydivich wrote:#250 booked plane tickets to Grenada with my leftover miles from my credit card. Not a great way to wake up, but not a terrible way to wake up once my wife calmed down.
Hey why not!
Right? Got a guy I know who I played ball with in high school down there. Religious, albeit quite interesting and pleasant. Place to stay. We goin three days
Making my own city lights out of bourbon and the stars of a barroom fight.
- Josh Ritter

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