Hohoho, Christmas hoes

[oldsmartskunk]

It happened two years ago, on Christmas eve. I remember those days well. I broke up with my girlfriend (we've been together for 5 years) a couple weeks ago and i spent most of the time drinking alone or serving as a booty call for a girl who loved to cheat on her boyfriend.
All things considered, it was an average day for me. I was sitting in the dark, eating roasted duck and drinking cheap whiskey. It was beautifuly sad moment. I had only my dog to keep me company and i must say, old bastard must have eaten half of my duck. I can't refuse his begging eyes. Anyway, I was planing on drinking myself blind while watching animal planet. The way real men do things! (not rly,but let me have this one) Then my phone rang. I expected it would be some relative,calling to wish me merry Christmas or something of that nature. It was my friends ex-girfriend. She told me, she and other chick were hanging out nearby and asked if i would like to meet them. Hell, i had nothing better to do (jerking off to polar bears mating could wait), so i went to meet them. It was quite cold outside,as i live quite far up north. We drank a bit of beer they brough (some cheap-ass, vile, fart inducing crap) and started thinking we should find some warmer place to drink. My friend who lived nearby was a perfect choise. You know that guy who gets drunk and shows his penis while imitating solder's march? A guy who would weard wizard's hat and nothing else? A guy to cross streams with while peeing in the middle of a highway? Yup, that guy. My bad ass phylosophycal drinking buddy. I couldn't reach him on his cell, so i decided he was drunk already. Or hangover. Or lost in nearby woods while on a liquor run (true story). We decided to come by his place anyway. And we hit a jackpot. He opened the door wearing his underwear. He was terribly hangover. As soon as he saw two girls with me, he realised it is going to be a great evening. For that ocassion he had stashed a little something to cure hangovers and meet unexpected friends - 3 litters of Smirnoff vodka. As soon as i saw that big beautifull botte of naughty water i forgot all my troubles. Speaking of the girls. Those two were reasonably slutty. Heavy drinkers too. My kind of people. As one might expect it didn't take too long for party to get into a full swing. We drank a lot. Danced in a state when we could barely walk. My friend peed through his kitchen window and almost fell out, but i caught him by his underwear. Somehow i managed to break beer bottle with my hand. That was a neat trick. Friend was passing me a beer bottle and i tried to grab it,but instead i hit it with my elbow. It shaterred like... Well like glass obviously. That left me bleeding and giggling like a maniac. I used my t shirt as a bandage. It was a perfect occasion to show off my lucious man-boobs. Back to drinking,dancing, smoking in a kitchen( while half laying on the floor) and talking bullshit. All the good stuff. Out of the blue, there was some weed involved. Don't know where did it come from. For some reason we turned audiobook on, it was some kind of historical novel. And it seemed (to all of us) that it was about a penises. Fighting over penises. Viking penises. It was hysterical! Next thing i remember us in bed. All of us, no homo stuff. 4 people in one bed designed for 2. I will skip that part, because it contains mostly cases of fucking in cramped place while fighting severe case of whiskey dick. Girls left next morning. We had like 1liter of vodka left. We kept drinking for two more days. Until some asshole interupted. My asshole. Bleeding asshole. It's usually a sign i should stop drinking for a few days!

[Patchez]

This story makes me misty about the old days.

Skal ta oss fassen!

[oettinger]

Liked that, so many quotables, and just so many of my own experiences recaptured.
Cheers!

[Mr. Viking]

I wish I was as cool as that, I really do

[oldsmartskunk]

I wish I was as cool as that, I really do

Most of people here are cooler than that. I love to read through drinking stories and wonder what kind of lives you people have. And they seem more entertaining than mine!

[oettinger]

I wish I was as cool as that, I really do

Most of people here are cooler than that. I love to read through drinking stories and wonder what kind of lives you people have. And they seem more entertaining than mine!

The average rockstar kind of life. Nothing exciting to tell about.

Have I told you that my biggest accomplishment in life as of today is not to mistake my mother for my father?

[Patchez]

Yeah well it only happened one time. Your family are assholes for holding on to one faux pas for ten years.