Road Signs?

[shawnonious]

Here we go, round two, after just cracking my first gin and tonic.

So flash back a week. I'm drained from finals here in Saint Louis, and just finish up right when my two buddies in Urbana-Champaign do. We all get drunk sunday night playing shitty games on Steam, and I say "Hey, why don't I come up Tuesday after I'm done with work?" They agree, and we decide to get schwasted. It's a plan, and there's nothing I love more than a nice long relaxing drive followed by a night of boozing.

So Tuesday, I take a nap after work (I know I'll need the batteries charged). I hop in the 'stang and drive to Urbana-Champaign. On the way, I stop by a town that a girl I made out with drunk at a band gig lives in, and thought about popping in real quick, maybe bringing her along, but then remembered she was out of town. So I get to Urbana-Champaign, probably around eight. The one friend is at the new Hobbit movie, and the other (My real booze cruising friend, who used to be straight-edged as shit, and I broke him. Hard.) is just hanging out. He brings me in, and we shoot the shit, and torrent the new Annie movie and laugh at how atrociously bad it is.

So another of our friends (we were all good friends in High School) shows up. He never drank back then, but apparently got into it finally this summer. I try to convince him into joining us, but he still had a final the next day, but heard that when my buddy (hence forth known as my buddy, movie guy is hardly relevant, other guy will be known as other guy. Try keeping THAT straight, haha. I'd give names but two of them have the same names and it wouldn't help!) So anyways, movie guy comes back, and we hop on over to the drug store and pick up a fifth of Jameson and a case of Budweiser. My buddy hadn't been introduced to the wonders of Jameson yet, and I was on a mission. You guys will find Jameson on the rocks is my shit.

So we're stocked. Movie buddy has to work in the morning, and drops that on us, and we decide "eh, would've cut into our supply anyways." It's two of us with a fifth and a case. Good night ahead. So we finish up that Annie movie with all of us there, shotgun beers outside, kill a few more dicking around on the internet, then decide it's time. My buddy and I have our best shenanigans on walks. Movie buddy says he's going to bed, has to get up early tomorrow. So the two of us drinking kill a couple more beers (about 12 are gone), and head out, with our other buddy in tow, ready to see shit go down.

We end up walking to a playground, and I light a cigarette and we all hop on the swings, because swings and a buzz go well together fuck you very much! We do "some" bottle pulls, and decide some swisher sweets are in order. I don't know why, my buddy and I always end up having them. We walk two blocks to the corner store, buy some, and go back to the park. We smoke Swisher Sweets under one of those plastic kiddy playground things in the middle of the night, passing around a Jameson bottle doing pulls. It gets about halfway gone and we decide to go for more walking.

We walk down to their main campus. Cigarettes going like crazy, naturally, I would like to include them here for illustrative and narrative effect, but shit man, that'd be every other sentence! So we get to their alma matter statue, and going to St. Louis University, I decide it's time for a conquest. I get myself down in front of this glorious and beautiful tribute to the greats of UofI, a "party school", and go for the perfect picture - Jameson bottle pulling on their statue. So onwards we go. To the party district!!

We decide then and there, eh, screw going into the bars, expensive as shit, we got our booze already. So we walk down the strip, and every time we pass a group with girls in it, I let out a good old "Hey, how's it going?", "Hey, lookin' goood!!!", etc. Nothing harassing, but just enough to be fun while you're drunk with your pals on a Tuesday night, and maybe get something interesting going. I do this to a particularly sloshed girl in a group we walk past, and she spins around, stumbling backwards, and yells her address at me and says we should stop by. But no, we're not exactly on a mission to get laid. Not tonight. Should have, in retrospect, but I wanted to get drunk and just do stupid shit. Save the girls for my home turf, where I can take *them* home.

On we walk, and walk. We stop into a sex/porn shop. It was really underwhelming. I grew up in the era of internet porn. This is boring, and we quickly leave, after drunkenly laughing at monster dildos and things like Anal Annihilation Three: Thirsty For Cock.

And we find ourselves back at my buddy's apartment. The other buddy decides he's calling it quits. There's absolutely nothing interesting going on, and he's disappointed as shit. He mumbles a "alright, see you guys tomorrow...." in a defeated tone, and off he goes. Poor sod. That's what he gets for staying undrunk tonight. Sod off, you fucking sod! And off we go indoors to the warmth (keep in mind it was 30 degrees this whole night, and I lost my gloves over the course of it... Can't tell you when.) We down the rest of the Jameson (It's down to a quarter anyways), and attack the beers in the fridge. Boom. Boom. Boom. More and more go. We're getting restless, rowdy, anxious. We can't just waste away INSIDE, man! Shit, we gotta have stories for the grandkids! Fear and Loathing! Breaking all the rules! Getting sloshed! Causing havok! Terrorizing the locals! Out! Out we go! Out! Go! Go! Something! First thing that crosses our minds! We do it!

So we walk three blocks. And there it is. Beautifully staring at us. Our calling. An 8? 10? foot long, 1 foot thick road construction sign. One of those long babies they use to block off roadways, alleyways, so you less responsible folks who miss the fun of drunken *walks* don't plow through a herd of laborers staring at a shovel. I look at it. My buddy looks at it. We look at each other. We look at it. We look around. No one to be found. And we do it.

We ran like the wind. Ran like no self disrespecting drunk like ourselves should ever run. Usain Bolt. Pheidippides. Hermes. Messengers of the Gods, messengers of lady Ethanol, Goddess of fun. We sprinted those three blocks like our lives depended on it. It kind of did. We would've been toast if the cops would've seen us. They may have, but the poor rat bastards didn't have the acceleration in their Chevy's to catch up to us. Hermes. Messenger of the Booze. I liked it. We burst into the door of his apartment, panting our asses off, and stood the loot up in his kitchen, moving a ceiling tile out of the way so the fucker would actually fit. We breathed a sigh of relief, cracked some more beers, and went outside. We chain smoked over our victory, chugged our beers, went inside, and killed that case fucking off on the internet. We had had our fun. Now was time for safety.

I woke up at something like 2 o'clock (PM, of course) the next day. Movie buddy came in right about then, said "Jesus Christ." and I barely managed a "Fuck dude... how late were we up?" "Well, you guys finally fucked off and went to sleep around 6. Shit guys." and he goes off into his room. My buddy has been up for a while, I don't know how the bastard does it. I still have the hangover haze that I get when I sleep too long, so I walk into the kitchen to grab the biggest God Damned glassware I can find and pour up some water. No mood for booze this moment. No.

I chug that glass like I was shotgunning, and my head clears some. I look to my right.

"The fuck? Hey Alex, you see this?"

"Oh yea. We kind of stole that last night"

And the visual trigger and his words flooded it all back.

All in a day's work of two drunk college kids trying to make stories that will last a lifetime. All my other drinking buddies tell stories like "Yea, Johnny got so wasted, then THREW UP off the balcony dude!". At least I can top them. Someday I hope to have some real whammies of stories, but until then, I've got the one up, even if it is a small one. These are the memories that will last a lifetime, so long as you sit down with your friends and piece the night together.

[shawnonious]

Wow. I was more sauced than I thought when I wrote this. I'll type it up better, probably tomorrow evening. Holy moly, ignore this thread until then. haha

[mistah willies]

Welcome, don't worry about retyping, and hey, what does that sign have written on it?

[shawnonious]

It had three letters M-- that I assume are some sort of company stamp or something. Rest was just a long probably 8 foot by 1 foot board with the orange and white striping.

And glad to be here!

[mistah willies]

I still have no idea what that sign measn, but welcome aboard young man, and great tale


Arm yourself for the long drinking days ahead

Cheers!

[shawnonious]

I made the edit. Phew, I redid it totally from memory, because holy Jesus was that incoherent.

[booznik]

It had three letters M--...

MDM

[mistah willies]

It had three letters M--...

MDM

Heheheee

[shawnonious]

Damn, I guess I'll have to roadtrip again, get drunk, steal it again, and paint MODERN DRUNKARD FORUM SENDS ITS REGARDS.

[mistah willies]

Damn, I guess I'll have to roadtrip again, get drunk, steal it again, and paint MODERN DRUNKARD FORUM SENDS ITS REGARDS.

YES! Represent, young man

hehehe

[shawnonious]

Damn, I guess I'll have to roadtrip again, get drunk, steal it again, and paint MODERN DRUNKARD FORUM SENDS ITS REGARDS.

YES! Represent, young man

hehehe

Oh you evil bastard. Now I've got a quest. And now I've got that drunk NEED to go do this up there. Shit! I'm already too buzzed to drive three hours! And he's in Vegas now! Shit!

[Dear Booze]

I really like this story. Reminds me of some of the shit that I did. Isn't booze wonderful?

I went to Fresno State and lived off campus in some apartments that were located right across from the school's Agricultural Department's experimental fields. Which is to say that I lived across from some orchards where they grew some weird crops.

About 200 yards west of my apartment were several mid-century ranch-style homes. All single story on large lots and with semi-circle driveways.

At some point back when I lived there, the city decided to widen the road from two lanes to four. Shit, it seems like that project took at least a year. What a pain in the ass it was. There were literally hundreds of those road signs all over the place. Big ones, small ones, tall skinny ones and plenty of those A-frame signs with the little blinking yellow lights on top.

We used to come home from the bars and then go out and move all the signs around. Our favorite thing to do was to re-route all of the traffic so the drivers were forced to navigate through the semi-circle driveways of my neighbors.

#55: http://www.drunkard.com/bbs/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=68616

[shawnonious]

As Hunter S Thompson might say ( a running joke among this buddy and I, involving us always getting drunk, watching fear and loathing halfway in, then ducking out for drunk shenagigans. I've literally never finished that movie with him, despite trying four times and counting so far), "You evil rat bastards.". I've got too many ideas now.

[shawnonious]

Meh, I'm drunk and re-read my story for the prose. I would like to add, this is the same buddy who I ended sitting on my porch after a night where a dozen people got plastered on drinking games with beer, undrunkened up and left, then him and I sat on the porch slugging back and forth out of a whiskey bottle as the sun came up. We then proceeded to sprint to my nearest gas station to get cigarillos. I lost my ID in the process, and we both got red marks on our shoes. I'd rather not know. Vaguely resembled blood. I'd rather not remember haha.

Another time we got soused involved ended up drunkenly stambling around Urbana-Champagne half jokingly half seriously plotting our evil drunkard plot to steal a whole ATM. We get crazy ideas in our head and go through all the logical planning, but never do them.

Otherwise, literally EVERY time we get saused, we try watching Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, and end up getting a wasted idea halfway through and doing that instead. He has yet to finish that movie. I don't know if it's my fault or not, but it's our running joke. Every time we booze, we watch it halfway, then fuck off to do some stupid things.

That evil rat bastard. I now have to force him to come visit me. I'm gonna get him down for poker this weekend, hell or high water. He'll have to crash at my place, and we'll get soused and have good stories for you guys. Wish me luck getting that aprehensive bastard to come down.

[Dear Booze]

That evil rat bastard. I now have to force him to come visit me. I'm gonna get him down for poker this weekend, hell or high water. He'll have to crash at my place, and we'll get soused and have good stories for you guys. Wish me luck getting that aprehensive bastard to come down.

GOOD LUCK MY FRIEND!

Looking forward to the tales.