TERMINUS CH 4 WHO BETRAYS WHOM

[The Urbane Spaceman]

Welcome to my personal hell. Nobody knows these things that I have done, except for those who are not with me anymore.


And you.

I am anonymous, because it protects. You know those poor bastards whom I am protecting by now, don’t you?


Me?


I have some things to face when I pass over to the other side. But for now, let us continue on to the bone yard of these sordid memories. I’ll carry you back up to the sunlight, after we dig through the dirt, as you experience this stuff vicariously. I takes a lot to tell these things, but I have to do this in a way that you can experience. I have to describe these events with smells and tastes etc, for my own reasons. Just, no flowery words. Fuck that shit.


Looking through the key hole, you curious summina bastidge? Pour a drink of something black and tasty, for us both. I drink my beverages as black as the day I was born.


Every day, these preferences:

Elixir: Black Rum, no mixer. It’s candy, at 94 proof. Only one kind exists. Eases my brain.

Water: Stout beer. I am built like a tree trunk. I am stout.

Coffee: No mixers, no sugar, no whipped cream, no sprinkles with a cherry on top. I like my coffee as I like my women: black, strong, and bitter.


*AHEM*


The hearse gleamed in the desert moonlight. I looked at Jerry. He was nodding. I looked back at his ride.



I said, “ Whoa. Is this the same vehicle? ”

He said, “ Yup. You know this about me. Loyalty. Hell, not just gonna go out and snag another shitty rust bucket. Me and her, we got history. ”



Huh. I thought about that for a moment. How did he get the cash to fix up his ride? Was he loyal to someone else now? We kinda fucked him up and left him alone in the desert, with his broken car. Sean chucked his car keys in the dust and then rode off with a rich chick. That kind of shit will mess up your brain in a bad way. Not in the good way, like form ZID.


And Jerry? He did not like ZID. He was fucked up all along.



“Man, Jerry, we fucked that thing up after that ranch exploded and shit, I mean-"


“SHHH! Don’t say anything more about that. Jeez, Urb. C’mon.”




I shrugged. I said, “She looks like a black and blue diamond. How the hell did you this? You done come a long way since last time we met.”

“Ya know there Urb, it’s all about loyalty. Ain’t that right?” I saw his evil sneer, and his teeth came out again. I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up under my leather.


Always mind your leather. It protects you. Never doubt this.


I was not very loyal to anyone in that moment, except to me. I was running through the motions, with the snow and ZID and drinking and all of the other things that fly around your head like vultures when you have the morning/afternoon come down and then you have shit to do to make more money.



DRINK was the only thing that was always my friend. Perhaps that there is loyalty form a thing that has no conscience. But it finds a heart, if you one of these.


I said, “ Where’s that homeless chick? ”

He said, “ She showed me a new path. ”



I stood back. I said, “Wait. You mean with those fuckers we left tied up in the crossroads that ugly night? They were naked and smeared with shit. Then we stole all their gear to replace the crap they stole form us and sold. That’s betrayal to me, man! You joined them?! ”




He stepped back. He said, “ NO! What kind of an asshole do you think I am? Besides, I should tell you something. Those fuckers are camped out near where you live. They been squatting in that same apartment complex where you and Joey live. I guess they found a place with a busted door. ”


Huh. He was telling the truth about that. I saw them, with their lit candles in the apartment upstairs, down the canal, when I was looking at the cement river in the night. When I had a pocket full of pussy.



I settled down. I said, “ I think I need to get back there as soon as possible. They probably robbing us now. What do you think? ”


He said, “I wouldn’t worry about that. You freaked them up pretty solid. But, they are observing. ”


Huh.


Yeah. Fucking narcs. That’s the only thing it could mean.


Except, I was wrong about that. There was another way to be a narc, and no form the popo.



I said, “ Jerry, where are you staying now? You want to drink? ”

He said, “ No. And yes. ”




I said, “ Hah? ”


He said, “ No. You don’t need to know where I hide my stash. And yes, we should drink. Always drink. ”



Well there you go. We left to have a big drink.



In the back of my mind, I held some things close. As much as I had grown resentment to Joey and his rampant ways, I would never betray him, unless it was to see if his girlfriend would betray him. La Fluer Du Mal.



OK, settle down. Jeez. All right then. I fucked her because she was smoking hot. Satisfied? I was trying to be somehow noble. Well, fuck that shit. You called it. Time for a chug. You friggin bastard.


Drink. You win.



* * * * * * *



Rrrrrrg.



That’s what I growl when I have to admit shit that makes me not want to admit it.



But that was the only way I would ever betray him. I fucked his girl without him knowing, even though either way, it’s messed up. I take all blame.



I was angry for him continuing along his ugly path without my consultation and expecting me to continue along like a fucking monkey on a leash. Living in a shit hole. Making cash, and then spending to party and make more. It’s a dream, isn’t it?



But I was being called home.



That is no dream.


That is the ending of these things, and that will happen very soon.


It took me a looooong time to gain my feet again, but that doesn’t mean that I stopped enjoying the three things I mentioned above. Go figure.


A man is nothing without at least a couple of vices.


See you very soon. I broke the seal, and now let’s just drive this bitch into the ground.



There is redemption. It is returning all your empties for more booze.



DRINK!


Always drink. Promise this.

Tahoo.



Urb fucking out.




.

[mistah willies]

friggin dragging this out, aint ya?

Get this shit done dude. jeez.

[oettinger]

Hah Urb, did you already know you were being called home?
I mean a drug dealer lady could always play one of you against the other. In your case that would be: He fucking fucked me.

Oh yeah a life without vices? Boring to the bone.
I mean my brother doesn`t drink nor does he smoke. Still he`s more fucked up than I am just because he has married this demanding bitch of a wife. Now that`s a vice I wouldn`t trade any herion-addiction for.