Drunk Travel Log

[Dear Booze]

We are perched on the high ground just outside the city. It's 11:42. At noon, we will descend on them.

[Artful Drunktective]

We are perched on the high ground just outside the city. It's 11:42. At noon, we will descend on them.

Swoop down and get em', Eagles.

[Hugh]

GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE! Twelve hipsters to the right and 2 lonely retirees who only have enough money for one scotch and water to the left! ABORT!

[Artful Drunktective]

Hipsters. Ugh. Has that been added to "shit we hate" thread yet?

[Lush City]

We are perched on the high ground just outside the city. It's 11:42. At noon, we will descend on them.

Keep us posted. Is there a livestream you can create that we can all hook up? That will give us ass bound drunks vicarious thrills to share drunken bliss...

[Patchez]

GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE! Twelve hipsters to the right and 2 lonely retirees who only have enough money for one scotch and water to the left! ABORT!

Oh Hell no! Never retreat! Steamroll those fucking hipsters and give their wallets to the old drunks! Ever forward! There are drinks to be drunk, hearts to be wone and boozey glory to be sought!!

[Dear Booze]

Taking Morro Bay was a cake walk. San Luis Obispo proved to be a challenge.

We attacked at sunset and were expecting a victory by 2 am. But at 10pm, a couple thousand young drinkers surrounded us and took controll of every bar in town. We were, however, able to maintain 6 stools until closing time.

We suffered one casualty as Allen puked in the hotel room sink and passed out on the bathroom floor.

[oettinger]

Keep us updated. Do they have internet in jail?
I volunteer to talk in your defence.

[Artful Drunktective]

Taking Morro Bay was a cake walk. San Luis Obispo proved to be a challenge.

We attacked at sunset and were expecting a victory by 2 am. But at 10pm, a couple thousand young drinkers surrounded us and took controll of every bar in town. We were, however, able to maintain 6 stools until closing time.

We suffered one casualty as Allen puked in the hotel room sink and passed out on the bathroom floor.

Allen also needs to go back to the ladies room and change his fking tampax.

[Dear Booze]

Taking Morro Bay was a cake walk. San Luis Obispo proved to be a challenge.

We attacked at sunset and were expecting a victory by 2 am. But at 10pm, a couple thousand young drinkers surrounded us and took controll of every bar in town. We were, however, able to maintain 6 stools until closing time.

We suffered one casualty as Allen puked in the hotel room sink and passed out on the bathroom floor.

Allen also needs to go back to the ladies room and change his fking tampax.

Yes. and this is how it all started:

We had delicious tri-tip sandwiches for dinner on Friday night. Then, we set out to find the perfect San Luis bar.

We had all been drinking a little bit by the time we got to McCarthy's Irish Pub. We found six seats at the bar and planted ourselves there with plans to own that little bit of real estate until they either closed or 86ed us. About 30 minutes into our McCarthy's experience, Allen called the bartender over and asked "do you guys do 'birthday shots' here? I'm asking because it's my birthday."

The bartender laughed and gave him a shot of Jameson.

Over the course of the next several hours, we all took turns buying Allen several "birthday shots" too. We were all drinking our regular favorites, but also jouned in for Absenthe, Irish Car Bombs, and a handful of other forgotten drinks.

At closing time, Khan and I set out to find an after hours bar while the four other guys walked back to the hotel. We never found the after hours place and I have no recollection of the walk home or making it to bed. But when I woke up, there were several texted pictures on my phone from Allen's brother which showed Allen puking in the sink and sleeping on the bathroom floor.

Within the next few hours we all realized that there was no unclogging the sink in Allen and Art's bathroom. So Allen went down to the office and borrowed a plunger. But the black rubber plunger only served to turn the sink into a black mess of vomit. So Alan did something that no reasonable person would do: he removed the trap underneath the sink and drained everything into the hotel room garbage container. After replacing the trap, the sink still would not drain. So he did what any reasonable guest at a hotel would do. He complained to management that their plumbing was not working.

Later in the day, when we all returned to the hotel, we stopped at the front desk and found out that the plumbing issue had been resolved. I thought about asking what caused the clog, but knew the answer: Tri-tip and birthday shots.

[Dear Booze]

The final night was a little bit different. Angel, Allen and I took an Uber to the Madonna Inn, which is a large and regionally famous hotel and spa that none of us had ever visited. But we had heard that they had a decent bar. When we got there we realized the whole place looked like a New Orleans whorehouse decorated in various shades of pink. And the crowd was very very odd. It was a crazy combination of hipsters, hippies, men in tuxedos, women in prom dresses, and a couple of ladies, which for some reason, were wearing bathrobes. But we could not get served.So we sat at a table a few feet away from the bar and walked to the bar to order drinks. Still we could not get the bartender's attention and decided that it was a fucked up place and we would leave. We found ourselves back in downtown SLO in a bar called Sidecar. We were lucky enough to find three seats open at the bar and there were about 20 other people in the place. I ordered a Captain and Coke but found out that they don't stock Captain Morgan. Instead the bartender told me "I have this artisanal rum that is about the same as Captain Morgan." BULLSHIT! It tasted like melted plastic shit with some vanilla flavoring. It was terrible. The mustachioed bartender informed me that this was an artisanal bar and they made only specialty cocktails and that he was not a bartender at all. He was a mixologist. I believe that the biggest difference between mixologist and bartender is a douchey attitude and silly facial hair. I figured it out right then that there was no way that we were ever going to have an enjoyable drinking experience in San Luis Obispo. And we were going not going to win this battle against these fucking douchey hipster college fuckheads.

[Artful Drunktective]

The final night was a little bit different. Angel, Allen and I took an Uber to the Madonna Inn, which is a large and regionally famous hotel and spa that none of us had ever visited. But we had heard that they had a decent bar. When we got there we realized the whole place looked like a New Orleans whorehouse decorated in various shades of pink.

Aw man! You guys came on my night off!

[Artful Drunktective]

The final night was a little bit different. Angel, Allen and I took an Uber to the Madonna Inn, which is a large and regionally famous hotel and spa that none of us had ever visited. But we had heard that they had a decent bar. When we got there we realized the whole place looked like a New Orleans whorehouse decorated in various shades of pink. And the crowd was very very odd. It was a crazy combination of hipsters, hippies, men in tuxedos, women in prom dresses, and a couple of ladies, which for some reason, were wearing bathrobes. But we could not get served.So we sat at a table a few feet away from the bar and walked to the bar to order drinks. Still we could not get the bartender's attention and decided that it was a fucked up place and we would leave. We found ourselves back in downtown SLO in a bar called Sidecar. We were lucky enough to find three seats open at the bar and there were about 20 other people in the place. I ordered a Captain and Coke but found out that they don't stock Captain Morgan. Instead the bartender told me "I have this artisanal rum that is about the same as Captain Morgan." BULLSHIT! It tasted like melted plastic shit with some vanilla flavoring. It was terrible. The mustachioed bartender informed me that this was an artisanal bar and they made only specialty cocktails and that he was not a bartender at all. He was a mixologist. I believe that the biggest difference between mixologist and bartender is a douchey attitude and silly facial hair. I figured it out right then that there was no way that we were ever going to have an enjoyable drinking experience in San Luis Obispo. And we were going not going to win this battle against these fucking douchey hipster college fuckheads.

Shit we hate: fucking douchey hipster college fuckheads. I shall never go to San Luis Obispo. EVER!

[Lush City]

Wow! Some people are really living it up. I just look forward to a great lunch with drinks in the afternoon.

[oettinger]

Why are hipsters everywhere? Were do they breed? We need to find hipster mother and kill it before it lays more eggs. It`s a global plague