The Best Whiskey I Ever Had and Why

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Linchpin
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The Best Whiskey I Ever Had and Why

Post by Linchpin »

A while back my girlfriend and I rented a hotel room and invited a few friends over just for shits and grins and booze and good times. The festivities started at around 4pm and for a room with the maximum occupancy of 15, we definitely over exceeded that suggested limit. It came to the point (around 3am) to where it was just me and her and a bottle of vodka which we decided to break into while we listened to music and play Nintendo 64. (I told you it was a while back)

We're about 3/4 of the way through the bottle and we're kinda bummed that THAT is the last of our alcohol and the hotel we were staying at didn't have anybody that would sell more at 4:30am. I thought to myself, ''Meh, maybe we should just finish it off then have sex until we pass out" which was going to be our plan anyway but still, drinking is fun. I still to this day do not know what provoked me to do this but after I left a long and relaxing pee in the toilet I peered out the peep hole of our hotel room that looks out into the hallway...and low and behold, there lay the answer to our drinking conundrum!

To my amazement, directly across the hallway from our room is a door to another room...but not just any hotel room door, a hotel room door with a man dressed in a tuxedo at the foot of the door, curled up in the fetal position, holding an unopened bottle of Jack Daniel's whiskey! From what I could gather, he was part of a wedding party and got locked out of the hotel room he was obviously sharing with others. If it was his own room he'd have went to the front desk and gotten another key but if the room is under the name of someone else then they wouldn't give him a key. So it was safe to assume the room was under another name and they either took off somewhere with the room key or he left the party before them, either way he was waiting for their return.

I did a double-take then, just to make sure I wasn't completely hammered, I asked my girlfriend to look and tell me what she saw. She confirmed that we both saw a man wearing a tuxedo at the foot of the door, curled up in the fetal position, holding an unopened bottle of Jack Daniel's whiskey...and oh, the smile that was put on my face when heard that. Thoughts cascaded through my head, what is a boy to do in this particular situation? Take the bottle of course. However, that seemed a little too childish to me...how to make it more dangerous.

Without a word being said I went over to our almost empty bottle of vodka and poured us both shots until the bottle was empty. I then stepped into the hallway, snatched the bottle of whiskey from poor drunken tuxedo guy (we'll start calling him Tuxy for short), poured its contents into our empty vodka bottle, then placed the empty whiskey bottle back into poor drunken tuxedo guy's hands and shut the door to our hotel room. Oh the hysterical fit of giggles that poured out of me and my girlfriend's mouths! Not only was that fun and not only did we score free whiskey, but when that poor bastard wakes up he'll wonder WTF happened to his unopened bottle of whiskey! What would Tuxy think happened:

- I was already hammered, so no way did I drink it all by myself.
- The bottle wasn't even opened yet, so it couldn't have spilled out.
- My tux isn't wet and neither is the carpet in the hallway so again it couldn't have spilled out.
- My friends didn't take it because they haven't came back to the room yet.

As my girlfriend sit on the floor with our backs against the door and taking shot after shot of this ill-gotten elixir, we cannot keep ourselves from laughing hysterically...and then I heard voices coming from the hallway. Maybe Tuxy woke up and drunkenly saw what I just did, or maybe his friends are back, or maybe it's someone else in the hall who is also staying at this particular hotel...I didn't know. So, I stood up and looked out the peep hole to see what I could see, and damned if it wasn't a sight to behold!

As I'm trying my best to share the peep hole with my girlfriend so she could also see, we both are watching the hotel manager conversing with to local police officers while standing over the unconscious body of poor Tuxy. I hear the manager say things like, 'That bottle was full earlier when I was up here,' as the officers are trying to get him awake and stand up. Poor Tuxy, he could barely stand on his own and probably almost pissed himself when he saw two local officers standing above him.

The two officers do what the normally do in that situation, ask Tuxy for his name, ID, and the reason he's passed out drunk in the middle of the hotel hallway. Tuxy is being your usual piss-drunk amateur by both being accommodating to the officers with responses like 'Yes Sir" "No Sir" and also the typical drunken asshole with responses like "You don't need to see my ID" or "It's none of your business why I'm out here." The whole time he is standing upright and speaking to the officers and hotel manager, he is holding his now empty bottle of whiskey. All of this is going on while both me and my girlfriend are watching and trying our best not to laugh out loud that would surely call the attention of the officers. I thought poor ol' Tuxy was going to spend the rest of his very late night/very early morning in a jail cell...the poor guy...when suddenly, in walks his salvation!

The hotel room me and my girlfriend are in and the one that Tuxy was napping under are both at the end of the hall with only stairs to go down. Up the stairs comes Tuxy's friends (3 of them to be exact) with a bag of late night fast food and a look of surprise on all their faces when they see what is going on! They explain that he was hammered and wanted to go to the room while they wanted to duck out for some grinds (aka food) but they took the only room key with them. While they are all exchanging IDs and explaining the circumstances to the officers, I notice Tuxy look at the bottle in his hands and do a double-take on the fact that it is now empty...I could no longer contain my laughter when I saw that and my girlfriend was on the verge of tears and ready to pee herself (both from laughter) so we had to duck into the bathroom and flush the toilet so we couldn't be heard by the people in the hallway.

Once everything was explained, Tuxy and his friends were allowed to have their IDs back and enjoy the rest of their evening without anyone going to jail or fined or any of that. My girlfriend and I waited until the cops left the parking let before we both dropped to the floor laughing hysterically. Once we regained our composure we entertained ourselves by recalling what had just taken place over shots of our free whiskey.

...It was the best whiskey I had ever had, and that's why.
Whatever happens happens and always happens for the worst, so if the worst has yet to happen I hope it happens to you FIRST! - Jimmy Pop

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mistah willies
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Re: The Best Whiskey I Ever Had and Why

Post by mistah willies »

Helluva fine entrance there, Linchpin. Tuxy arguing at cops with an empty bottle in his hand, nice.
Welcome aboard. New guy buys a round for the house, and always remember:

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oettinger
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Re: The Best Whiskey I Ever Had and Why

Post by oettinger »

Wow great story and welcome aboard.

For a second I thought you`d proceed and pee in his now empty bottle. Your story is funny enough nevertheless.
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