Gross Things I Have Done

Remember what happened last night? Good. Now tell the world.

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mistah willies
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Gross Things I Have Done

Post by mistah willies »

Blood on the sheets.

Scratched and dug with that bamboo back scratcher on my back thought the night.

Luckily, i wasn't alone and someone grabbed it from my passed out hand.

Gross thing is that i licked it off and continued to use it. Ethyl is in hand sanitizer. Even mouth ethyl.

Who's next?
Can we drink now? ---peetie44
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Re: Gross Things I Have Done

Post by oettinger »

mistah willies wrote:
Mon Feb 26, 2018 10:20 pm


Who's next?
I think I`ll have to drink way more to come up with something as gross. Later tonight on skype I`ll have a ten-page report ready for you
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Re: Gross Things I Have Done

Post by mistah willies »

oettinger wrote:
Fri Mar 02, 2018 9:42 am
mistah willies wrote:
Mon Feb 26, 2018 10:20 pm


Who's next?
I think I`ll have to drink way more to come up with something as gross. Later tonight on skype I`ll have a ten-page report ready for you
The best day was named after the coolest planet.

Cheers bud.

.
Can we drink now? ---peetie44
At rock bottom, there is no down. ---The Oett
^ ^ ^ Yes his entire cutlery set and all utensils are made from assorted broken bottles.--- The Artful Detective
Just remember Hugh: a good cocktail in a shitty glass is better that a shitty cocktail in a pretty glass.---The Badfellow
I'll buy the first round if you promise to stop being a cunt. --- Dear Booze

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Re: Gross Things I Have Done

Post by ScottMcG »

We were driving to our niece's birthday party when I felt a particularly strong urge to shit my pants. I directed my wife to exit at the nearest exit so I could use the restroom at the grocery store a quarter mile south of the exit.

Much to my uncomfortable dismay, my bowels proceeded to let loose everything they had in them. I was in such distress, I thought it would be better if I removed my pants and put a plastic bag under my ass to catch the python slithering out of my ass.

In quick order, I experienced my mistake when the shit overflowed the bag onto the car seat. As I desperately attempted to scoop my shit into the bag, my ever tolerant wife pulled us off into a quiet residential neighborhood where I jumped out of the car and squatted on the curb, letting my bowels empty with their full urgency.

By the time I was done, I had filled my pants and the passenger seat with piles of shit.

On that quiet Sunday morning in that quiet suburban neighborhood, we left behind a bag filled with shit, blue jeans filled with shit, and a pile of towels covered in shit.
Amateur demolition derby on the carpeting afterward

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Re: Gross Things I Have Done

Post by mistah willies »

ScottMcG wrote:
Fri Mar 02, 2018 8:36 pm
...
On that quiet Sunday morning in that quiet suburban neighborhood, we left behind a bag filled with shit, blue jeans filled with shit, and a pile of towels covered in shit.
Wait, you're shitting me.
Actually, friggin funny story. Trifecalta !

In reciprocation, here's something, albeit less of a "shitty, crappy" tale my good man.

One time, I got drunk on my birthday, against my choice.

The birthday, that was against my choice. I don't need any excuse to get drunk.

Now, we went off to dinner and staggered in there and a wee man was our greeter. He was pretty damn cool. So, no bowling.

I was so drink and so full of food that we weren't even let into the Martini bar across the stumbly street. That's because we weren't properly attired, pretending, pretentious pussbags.

The Thai place had loud, strange music, so we didn't stay long. They were playing, "youthful dance music of USA 2018" or some shit.

Speaking of shit, we headed home. I needed to make room for more drinking.

Unfortunately, the stretch of park we have to cross in utter darkness had been altered so like a rollercoaster track. But instead of loop de loops, it was the ground fighting my face.

I got up on my knees and made room for more drinking.

When we stayed in, I went to rinse out my mouth so that all the hail Marys wouldn't interfere with the flavor of lovely miss ethyl.

My eyes were more blood shot thank usual, yet I had broken blood vessels around me eyes and top cheeks.

Is this the start of the strawberry nose?

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Re: Gross Things I Have Done

Post by Artful Drunktective »

Why do guys always shit their pants? Very perplexing...
"Something's got to be done. We can't go on like this.
I must have some booze".


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Re: Gross Things I Have Done

Post by oettinger »

Gross Things I plan to do.

A) Attend a Willies birthday party
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Re: Gross Things I Have Done

Post by ScottMcG »

mistah willies wrote:
Sat Mar 24, 2018 7:33 am
I got up on my knees and made room for more drinking.
We gotta do what we gotta do.
Amateur demolition derby on the carpeting afterward

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Re: Gross Things I Have Done

Post by oettinger »

This is why I always carry tissues with me. Just in case
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Re: Gross Things I Have Done

Post by mistah willies »

oettinger wrote:
Mon Apr 02, 2018 11:02 am
This is why I always carry tissues with me. Just in case
There's usually twigs and leaves in the park...

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Re: Gross Things I Have Done

Post by ScottMcG »

mistah willies wrote:
Tue Apr 03, 2018 5:01 am
There's usually twigs and leaves in the park...
Those are good for those itchy, burning situations, especially if it is early spring and they still have ice on them.
Amateur demolition derby on the carpeting afterward

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Re: Gross Things I Have Done

Post by Patchez »

mistah willies wrote:
Tue Apr 03, 2018 5:01 am
oettinger wrote:
Mon Apr 02, 2018 11:02 am
This is why I always carry tissues with me. Just in case
There's usually twigs and leaves in the park...
Leaves of three for when you pee. Try to remember that. Handy tidbit.
Now you're ready for some anti-dry-otics!-BeerMakesMeSmarter

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Re: Gross Things I Have Done

Post by mistah willies »

Ahh, the ones with natural plant oils so you can get right in there...

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Re: Gross Things I Have Done

Post by Artful Drunktective »

Patchez wrote:
Wed Apr 04, 2018 11:02 pm
mistah willies wrote:
Tue Apr 03, 2018 5:01 am
oettinger wrote:
Mon Apr 02, 2018 11:02 am
This is why I always carry tissues with me. Just in case
There's usually twigs and leaves in the park...
Leaves of three for when you pee. Try to remember that. Handy tidbit.
Indeed. Who doesn't want a raging case of poison ivy up ye arse?
"Something's got to be done. We can't go on like this.
I must have some booze".


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Re: Gross Things I Have Done

Post by mistah willies »

Artful Drunktective wrote:
Sun Mar 25, 2018 12:28 am
Why do guys always shit their pants? Very perplexing...
Perhaps it's the most sincere way to express ourselves?


Wait. Blecch... It's that what espresso means in Italian French?

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