Very nice...Two Hearted wrote:
What is red, bubbles, and taps on the window?
A baby in a microwave.
Offensive bar jokes
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Re: Offensive bar jokes
I've been unavoidably detained by my complete lack of punctuality.
- Two Hearted
- Drunker Than God
- Posts: 2055
- Joined: Tue Dec 09, 2008 2:54 pm
- Location: North of Nowhere
Re: Offensive bar jokes
And my all time favourite:
How do you make a dead baby float?
One scoop of ice cream, two scoops of dead baby.
How do you make a dead baby float?
One scoop of ice cream, two scoops of dead baby.
The cabin sits shut-down, cold-frozen and empty, dead mice in the traps, waiting for me to drink alone there in the dark.
--Smatter
--Smatter
Re: Offensive bar jokes
Alright, my most offensive baby joke then:
How do you get a baby out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
How do you get a baby out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
"Don't give a damn how this turns out
Drain bottles just to scream and shout
On the run from reality
Poison helps me and go flee"
Drain bottles just to scream and shout
On the run from reality
Poison helps me and go flee"
- Two Hearted
- Drunker Than God
- Posts: 2055
- Joined: Tue Dec 09, 2008 2:54 pm
- Location: North of Nowhere
Re: Offensive bar jokes
*sigh* Not nearly as offensive as I'd built it up to be in my imagination....Jelmo wrote:Alright, my most offensive baby joke then:
How do you get a baby out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
The cabin sits shut-down, cold-frozen and empty, dead mice in the traps, waiting for me to drink alone there in the dark.
--Smatter
--Smatter
Re: Offensive bar jokes
You guys are sometimes hard to impress.
"Don't give a damn how this turns out
Drain bottles just to scream and shout
On the run from reality
Poison helps me and go flee"
Drain bottles just to scream and shout
On the run from reality
Poison helps me and go flee"
Re: Offensive bar jokes
Remember who your audiance is here Jelmo...We're pretty jaded around here...Jelmo wrote:You guys are sometimes hard to impress.
Unless I see a priest getting fucked in the ass by a nun with a strap-on in a rain storm with a midget pissing on them then I'm not impressed...
I've been unavoidably detained by my complete lack of punctuality.
-
- Juicing Like Jackie
- Posts: 12664
- Joined: Thu Jan 01, 2004 2:49 pm
Re: Offensive bar jokes
Link?Sleestack wrote:Remember who your audiance is here Jelmo...We're pretty jaded around here...Jelmo wrote:You guys are sometimes hard to impress.
Unless I see a priest getting fucked in the ass by a nun with a strap-on in a rain storm with a midget pissing on them then I'm not impressed...
I'll miss you, pallie.
Re: Offensive bar jokes
Ask and you shall recieve...BeerMakesMeSmart wrote:Link?Sleestack wrote:Remember who your audiance is here Jelmo...We're pretty jaded around here...Jelmo wrote:You guys are sometimes hard to impress.
Unless I see a priest getting fucked in the ass by a nun with a strap-on in a rain storm with a midget pissing on them then I'm not impressed...
http://tinyurl.com/priest-fun111
I've been unavoidably detained by my complete lack of punctuality.
Re: Offensive bar jokes
Allright, in spite of my earlier decision to keep this dead baby joke somewhat under the radar, my current drunken state is encouraging me to let fly with the foulest dead baby joke I know. here goes:
What's the difference between a delicious, juicy Granny Smith apple that was plucked right from the tree in the apple orchard, and a dead baby?
I don't cum all over the apple before I eat it.
What's the difference between a delicious, juicy Granny Smith apple that was plucked right from the tree in the apple orchard, and a dead baby?
I don't cum all over the apple before I eat it.
IN VINO VERITAS
- Two Hearted
- Drunker Than God
- Posts: 2055
- Joined: Tue Dec 09, 2008 2:54 pm
- Location: North of Nowhere
Re: Offensive bar jokes
Now THAT was as offensive as I'd built up Jelmo's joke to be.gnarkill wrote:Allright, in spite of my earlier decision to keep this dead baby joke somewhat under the radar, my current drunken state is encouraging me to let fly with the foulest dead baby joke I know. here goes:
What's the difference between a delicious, juicy Granny Smith apple that was plucked right from the tree in the apple orchard, and a dead baby?
I don't cum all over the apple before I eat it.
The cabin sits shut-down, cold-frozen and empty, dead mice in the traps, waiting for me to drink alone there in the dark.
--Smatter
--Smatter
Re: Offensive bar jokes
Concur! Very nice GK Very nice!Two Hearted wrote:Now THAT was as offensive as I'd built up Jelmo's joke to be.gnarkill wrote:Allright, in spite of my earlier decision to keep this dead baby joke somewhat under the radar, my current drunken state is encouraging me to let fly with the foulest dead baby joke I know. here goes:
What's the difference between a delicious, juicy Granny Smith apple that was plucked right from the tree in the apple orchard, and a dead baby?
I don't cum all over the apple before I eat it.
I've been unavoidably detained by my complete lack of punctuality.
Re: Offensive bar jokes
Yeah but... no man... I... Ahhhh, damn you're right. This one's much much better.Sleestack wrote:Concur! Very nice GK Very nice!Two Hearted wrote:Now THAT was as offensive as I'd built up Jelmo's joke to be.gnarkill wrote:Allright, in spite of my earlier decision to keep this dead baby joke somewhat under the radar, my current drunken state is encouraging me to let fly with the foulest dead baby joke I know. here goes:
What's the difference between a delicious, juicy Granny Smith apple that was plucked right from the tree in the apple orchard, and a dead baby?
I don't cum all over the apple before I eat it.
"Don't give a damn how this turns out
Drain bottles just to scream and shout
On the run from reality
Poison helps me and go flee"
Drain bottles just to scream and shout
On the run from reality
Poison helps me and go flee"
- WeatherMan
- Lord of Benders
- Posts: 280
- Joined: Tue Sep 30, 2008 10:30 pm
- Location: Tampa, FL
Re: Offensive bar jokes
I can't beat gnarkill but I'll add a few more for the list...
What's worse than seven dead babies nailed to a tree?
- One dead baby nailed to seven trees.
What goes plop plop, fizz fizz?
- Twins in an acid bath.
And lastly, how do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?
- Nail it's other hand to the floor.
What's worse than seven dead babies nailed to a tree?
- One dead baby nailed to seven trees.
What goes plop plop, fizz fizz?
- Twins in an acid bath.
And lastly, how do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?
- Nail it's other hand to the floor.
May those who love us, love us
and those who don't love us, may god turn their hearts
and if he can't turn their hearts, may he turn their ankles
so we'll know 'em by their limping!
Drunk Orson Welles Outtake
Rise drunkards, rise! Rise for shots, and for drinks, and the liver ending!
and those who don't love us, may god turn their hearts
and if he can't turn their hearts, may he turn their ankles
so we'll know 'em by their limping!
Drunk Orson Welles Outtake
Rise drunkards, rise! Rise for shots, and for drinks, and the liver ending!
- yetiMonster
- Booze Head
- Posts: 38
- Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2009 10:29 pm
- Location: San Diego, California
Re: Offensive bar jokes
Q: What's green, yellow, and eats nuts?
A: Syphilis.
Q: What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
A: The wheelchair.
Q: What does AIDS stand for?
A: Anal-Injected Death Sentence
Q: What does GAY stand for?
A: Got AIDS Yet?
A: Syphilis.
Q: What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
A: The wheelchair.
Q: What does AIDS stand for?
A: Anal-Injected Death Sentence
Q: What does GAY stand for?
A: Got AIDS Yet?
Projectile vomiting, falling out of a tree, and a heavily overdrawn bank account are all indicators of "The Most Awesome Weekend Ever".
Monkeys that are heavy drinkers make better leaders, respected by the other monkeys.
I'm already spending money I don't have, I might as well be friendly about it.
Drink, drank, drunk. Not a grammar lesson, a progression.
Don't fly dry.
Monkeys that are heavy drinkers make better leaders, respected by the other monkeys.
I'm already spending money I don't have, I might as well be friendly about it.
Drink, drank, drunk. Not a grammar lesson, a progression.
Don't fly dry.
- yetiMonster
- Booze Head
- Posts: 38
- Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2009 10:29 pm
- Location: San Diego, California
Re: Offensive bar jokes
2 more:
Q: What's definition of injustice?
A: OJ got to walk while Christopher Reeves got the electric chair.
Q: What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?
A: Christopher Walken
Q: What's definition of injustice?
A: OJ got to walk while Christopher Reeves got the electric chair.
Q: What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?
A: Christopher Walken
Projectile vomiting, falling out of a tree, and a heavily overdrawn bank account are all indicators of "The Most Awesome Weekend Ever".
Monkeys that are heavy drinkers make better leaders, respected by the other monkeys.
I'm already spending money I don't have, I might as well be friendly about it.
Drink, drank, drunk. Not a grammar lesson, a progression.
Don't fly dry.
Monkeys that are heavy drinkers make better leaders, respected by the other monkeys.
I'm already spending money I don't have, I might as well be friendly about it.
Drink, drank, drunk. Not a grammar lesson, a progression.
Don't fly dry.