Offensive bar jokes

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Sleestack
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Re: Offensive bar jokes

Post by Sleestack » Mon Jul 13, 2009 2:24 pm

Two Hearted wrote:
What is red, bubbles, and taps on the window?
A baby in a microwave.
Very nice...
I've been unavoidably detained by my complete lack of punctuality.

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Two Hearted
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Re: Offensive bar jokes

Post by Two Hearted » Mon Jul 13, 2009 2:26 pm

And my all time favourite:

How do you make a dead baby float?

One scoop of ice cream, two scoops of dead baby.
The cabin sits shut-down, cold-frozen and empty, dead mice in the traps, waiting for me to drink alone there in the dark.
--Smatter

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Jelmo
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Re: Offensive bar jokes

Post by Jelmo » Mon Jul 13, 2009 2:46 pm

Alright, my most offensive baby joke then:

How do you get a baby out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
"Don't give a damn how this turns out
Drain bottles just to scream and shout
On the run from reality
Poison helps me and go flee"

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Two Hearted
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Re: Offensive bar jokes

Post by Two Hearted » Mon Jul 13, 2009 3:22 pm

Jelmo wrote:Alright, my most offensive baby joke then:

How do you get a baby out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
*sigh* Not nearly as offensive as I'd built it up to be in my imagination....
The cabin sits shut-down, cold-frozen and empty, dead mice in the traps, waiting for me to drink alone there in the dark.
--Smatter

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Jelmo
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Re: Offensive bar jokes

Post by Jelmo » Mon Jul 13, 2009 3:34 pm

You guys are sometimes hard to impress.
"Don't give a damn how this turns out
Drain bottles just to scream and shout
On the run from reality
Poison helps me and go flee"

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Sleestack
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Re: Offensive bar jokes

Post by Sleestack » Mon Jul 13, 2009 3:43 pm

Jelmo wrote:You guys are sometimes hard to impress.
Remember who your audiance is here Jelmo...We're pretty jaded around here...

Unless I see a priest getting fucked in the ass by a nun with a strap-on in a rain storm with a midget pissing on them then I'm not impressed...
I've been unavoidably detained by my complete lack of punctuality.

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BeerMakesMeSmart
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Re: Offensive bar jokes

Post by BeerMakesMeSmart » Mon Jul 13, 2009 3:46 pm

Sleestack wrote:
Jelmo wrote:You guys are sometimes hard to impress.
Remember who your audiance is here Jelmo...We're pretty jaded around here...

Unless I see a priest getting fucked in the ass by a nun with a strap-on in a rain storm with a midget pissing on them then I'm not impressed...
Link?
I'll miss you, pallie.

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Sleestack
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Re: Offensive bar jokes

Post by Sleestack » Mon Jul 13, 2009 4:08 pm

BeerMakesMeSmart wrote:
Sleestack wrote:
Jelmo wrote:You guys are sometimes hard to impress.
Remember who your audiance is here Jelmo...We're pretty jaded around here...

Unless I see a priest getting fucked in the ass by a nun with a strap-on in a rain storm with a midget pissing on them then I'm not impressed...
Link?
Ask and you shall recieve...

http://tinyurl.com/priest-fun111
I've been unavoidably detained by my complete lack of punctuality.

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gnarkill
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Re: Offensive bar jokes

Post by gnarkill » Tue Jul 14, 2009 1:00 am

Allright, in spite of my earlier decision to keep this dead baby joke somewhat under the radar, my current drunken state is encouraging me to let fly with the foulest dead baby joke I know. here goes:

What's the difference between a delicious, juicy Granny Smith apple that was plucked right from the tree in the apple orchard, and a dead baby?



I don't cum all over the apple before I eat it.
IN VINO VERITAS

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Two Hearted
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Re: Offensive bar jokes

Post by Two Hearted » Tue Jul 14, 2009 8:08 am

gnarkill wrote:Allright, in spite of my earlier decision to keep this dead baby joke somewhat under the radar, my current drunken state is encouraging me to let fly with the foulest dead baby joke I know. here goes:

What's the difference between a delicious, juicy Granny Smith apple that was plucked right from the tree in the apple orchard, and a dead baby?



I don't cum all over the apple before I eat it.
Now THAT was as offensive as I'd built up Jelmo's joke to be.
The cabin sits shut-down, cold-frozen and empty, dead mice in the traps, waiting for me to drink alone there in the dark.
--Smatter

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Sleestack
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Re: Offensive bar jokes

Post by Sleestack » Tue Jul 14, 2009 9:00 am

Two Hearted wrote:
gnarkill wrote:Allright, in spite of my earlier decision to keep this dead baby joke somewhat under the radar, my current drunken state is encouraging me to let fly with the foulest dead baby joke I know. here goes:

What's the difference between a delicious, juicy Granny Smith apple that was plucked right from the tree in the apple orchard, and a dead baby?



I don't cum all over the apple before I eat it.
Now THAT was as offensive as I'd built up Jelmo's joke to be.
Concur! Very nice GK Very nice!
I've been unavoidably detained by my complete lack of punctuality.

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Jelmo
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Re: Offensive bar jokes

Post by Jelmo » Tue Jul 14, 2009 12:36 pm

Sleestack wrote:
Two Hearted wrote:
gnarkill wrote:Allright, in spite of my earlier decision to keep this dead baby joke somewhat under the radar, my current drunken state is encouraging me to let fly with the foulest dead baby joke I know. here goes:

What's the difference between a delicious, juicy Granny Smith apple that was plucked right from the tree in the apple orchard, and a dead baby?



I don't cum all over the apple before I eat it.
Now THAT was as offensive as I'd built up Jelmo's joke to be.
Concur! Very nice GK Very nice!
Yeah but... no man... I... Ahhhh, damn you're right. This one's much much better.
"Don't give a damn how this turns out
Drain bottles just to scream and shout
On the run from reality
Poison helps me and go flee"

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WeatherMan
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Re: Offensive bar jokes

Post by WeatherMan » Sat Jul 18, 2009 1:42 am

I can't beat gnarkill but I'll add a few more for the list...

What's worse than seven dead babies nailed to a tree?
- One dead baby nailed to seven trees.

What goes plop plop, fizz fizz?
- Twins in an acid bath.

And lastly, how do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?
- Nail it's other hand to the floor.
May those who love us, love us
and those who don't love us, may god turn their hearts
and if he can't turn their hearts, may he turn their ankles
so we'll know 'em by their limping!

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Rise drunkards, rise! Rise for shots, and for drinks, and the liver ending!

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yetiMonster
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Re: Offensive bar jokes

Post by yetiMonster » Thu Jul 30, 2009 2:03 pm

Q: What's green, yellow, and eats nuts?
A: Syphilis.

Q: What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
A: The wheelchair.

Q: What does AIDS stand for?
A: Anal-Injected Death Sentence

Q: What does GAY stand for?
A: Got AIDS Yet?
Projectile vomiting, falling out of a tree, and a heavily overdrawn bank account are all indicators of "The Most Awesome Weekend Ever".

Monkeys that are heavy drinkers make better leaders, respected by the other monkeys.

I'm already spending money I don't have, I might as well be friendly about it.

Drink, drank, drunk. Not a grammar lesson, a progression.

Don't fly dry.

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yetiMonster
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Re: Offensive bar jokes

Post by yetiMonster » Thu Jul 30, 2009 2:11 pm

2 more:

Q: What's definition of injustice?
A: OJ got to walk while Christopher Reeves got the electric chair.

Q: What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?
A: Christopher Walken
Projectile vomiting, falling out of a tree, and a heavily overdrawn bank account are all indicators of "The Most Awesome Weekend Ever".

Monkeys that are heavy drinkers make better leaders, respected by the other monkeys.

I'm already spending money I don't have, I might as well be friendly about it.

Drink, drank, drunk. Not a grammar lesson, a progression.

Don't fly dry.

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