Offensive bar jokes

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Wingman
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Re: Offensive bar jokes

Post by Wingman » Fri May 08, 2009 6:56 am

why does a bride wear white?


so the dishwasher matches the stove.
Stupid should hurt.

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gnarkill
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Re: Offensive bar jokes

Post by gnarkill » Tue Jun 09, 2009 4:03 pm

How are michael jackson and McDonald's fast food joints alike?











They both put their meat in 3 year old buns
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Sleestack
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Re: Offensive bar jokes

Post by Sleestack » Mon Jun 15, 2009 5:44 pm

Why do Pedophiles like little kids...






Because their little hands make their dick look big...
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Slim
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Re: Offensive bar jokes

Post by Slim » Tue Jun 16, 2009 12:07 am

Sleestack wrote:Why do Pedophiles like little kids...






Because their little hands make their dick look big...
Prolly more truth than joke...but who am I to judge?
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gnarkill
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Re: Offensive bar jokes

Post by gnarkill » Fri Jun 26, 2009 2:41 pm

Wow. my michael jackson joke just got a lot more offensive.

RIP, wacko jacko
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gnarkill
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Re: Offensive bar jokes

Post by gnarkill » Tue Jun 30, 2009 4:37 pm

so this is a somewhat timely offensive bar joke:

when farrah fawcett died, she was swiftly carried up to heaven, where God took an immediate shine to her. soon, He became so enamoured with her that he called her into His throne room, where he told her, "Farrah, indeed you are truly wonderful. As a token of my appreciation, I will grant you one wish." in reply, she said, "I want to help the children."

so, then Michael Jackson died.
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gnarkill
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Re: Offensive bar jokes

Post by gnarkill » Tue Jun 30, 2009 4:39 pm

apparantly, in the autoposy report for michael jackson, it was discovered that he had passed away from what seems to be food poisoning.

he had been eating 12 year old nuts and buns.
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Sleestack
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Re: Offensive bar jokes

Post by Sleestack » Tue Jun 30, 2009 4:40 pm

gnarkill wrote:so this is a somewhat timely offensive bar joke:

when farrah fawcett died, she was swiftly carried up to heaven, where God took an immediate shine to her. soon, He became so enamoured with her that he called her into His throne room, where he told her, "Farrah, indeed you are truly wonderful. As a token of my appreciation, I will grant you one wish." in reply, she said, "I want to help the children."

so, then Michael Jackson died.
To paraphrase Montgomery Burns... "Excellent..."
I've been unavoidably detained by my complete lack of punctuality.

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gnarkill
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Re: Offensive bar jokes

Post by gnarkill » Sun Jul 12, 2009 2:59 am

This thread is a bit light on the dead baby jokes, so I guess I'll have a whirl. Just to warn you, these are some of the foulest jokes I know, and they will probably contribute greatly to my impending damnation.


Q: How do you get 300 dead babies into the trunk of a car?
A: A blender.
Q: how do you get them out of the trunk?
A: Chips.


Q: What's the difference between a Ferrari Enzo and a massive pile of rotting, stinking dead babies?
A: I don't have a Ferrari Enzo in my garage.


Q: What's the difference between a truckload of bowling balls and a truckload of dead babies?
A: You can't unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork.


That'll do for now... I have one more that is easily the most offensive joke I've ever heard, however I don't want to post it on a public forum. If you really want to know it, send me a private message. be warned, though. it's really gross.
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Re: Offensive bar jokes

Post by Jelmo » Sun Jul 12, 2009 1:01 pm

What's funnier then a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown suit

What doesn't fit trough the door?
A baby with a javelin through it's head..

Pm'ed you by the way
"Don't give a damn how this turns out
Drain bottles just to scream and shout
On the run from reality
Poison helps me and go flee"

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Re: Offensive bar jokes

Post by Hardcore Stig » Sun Jul 12, 2009 7:39 pm

What's blue and orange and doesn;t flot in a swimming pool?
A baby with busrst arm bands

What's Green and orange and does float?
Same baby a week later.


(This is a classic *Insert 2 types of people who hate each other* joke)

A *Nazi* and *Decent person* are driving along when they hit each others cars at 70 miles an hour, Both are thrown through the windscr4eens and land next to each other unhurt.
"Wow" says the Nazi, "that's incredible, our cars are totalled and we are both fins, it's obviously a sign that we should be friends!"
"You're right" says the decent person "and what's more the bottle of 25 year old whiskey I just bought is fine,we should fdrink to our new friendship".
He hands the bottle to the Nazi, who opens it and takes a big swig before handing it back. The decent person puts the lid back on without drinking.
"Aren;t you going to have some too?" says the Nazi.
"Nah I'll just wait for the police to get here with the breathalizers"
"That's only a problem if you stop drinking"

"Nationality? I'm a drunkard, and that makes me a man of the world"

"The word "pub" should never need to be followed by the word "why""

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Jelmo
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Re: Offensive bar jokes

Post by Jelmo » Mon Jul 13, 2009 1:47 pm

Classic indeed. But bad.
Even worse than this classic:

A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender says: Hey, why the long face?
"Don't give a damn how this turns out
Drain bottles just to scream and shout
On the run from reality
Poison helps me and go flee"

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Re: Offensive bar jokes

Post by BeerMakesMeSmart » Mon Jul 13, 2009 1:59 pm

Jelmo wrote:Classic indeed. But bad.
Even worse than this classic:

A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender says: Hey, why the long face?
Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
I'll miss you, pallie.

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Sleestack
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Re: Offensive bar jokes

Post by Sleestack » Mon Jul 13, 2009 2:08 pm

Jelmo wrote:Classic indeed. But bad.
Even worse than this classic:

A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender says: Hey, why the long face?
Heh...

http://instantrimshot.com/
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Re: Offensive bar jokes

Post by Two Hearted » Mon Jul 13, 2009 2:17 pm

What is white and red and hangs from a tree?
A baby after being hit by a snow blower.

What's grosser than 75 babies rotting in a pile?
One alive one at the bottom trying to eat its way out.

What is red, bubbles, and taps on the window?
A baby in a microwave.
The cabin sits shut-down, cold-frozen and empty, dead mice in the traps, waiting for me to drink alone there in the dark.
--Smatter

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