Raging Alcoholic

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Raging Alcoholic

Post by ***** » Mon Nov 07, 2005 4:12 pm

I ws at Trader Joe's, an inexpensive specialty market that is spreading across the country like hipster hepatitis. I get up to the checkout and let the checker know that I will be purchasing some of the hard alcohol they have behind the counter to go with my case of wine and case of beer.

"So what do you want"
"A bottle of Rum of the Gods, a bottle of Vodka of the Gods, a bottle of Napolean brandy, a bottle..."
"Uh, why don't you come over there with me."

So after I get my scotch, brandy, vodka, rum, and something else I don't recall off the top of my head, we go back to the check out. A small line has formed, so he rings a bell that lets the staff know they need another checker. Great, let's all look at the guy buying so much alcohol that they need more employees to accomodate him.

He rings me up, and as he get's near the end, tries to start up a conversation
"So, uh, having a party?"
"No, just restocking." And now for the blatant lie. "I just had a party and they drank up everything." Yeah, me sitting around my apartment reading The Sun Also Rises was a real hoot. I had to drink all that beer and bourbon to keep the party going.
I can tell that I am losing him. He sees through my shallow attempt at humor. The sour-faced Armenian lady behind me puckers up even harder. She could extrude gold wire from her fillings right now.
"Yeah, I only come here about once a month. I just stock up on stuff and try to avoid the parking lot the rest of the time." He scans a bag of frozen mixed shellfish. "See, there's real food in there." He smiles.

"I hate buying all this liquor at once, because it makes me look like a raging alcoholic. Truth is, I'm not even that angry."

Chrrrrp-chrrrp.


I told my parents the story the next day after my mom presented me with the bottle of Wild Turkey she had bought for me (I made fun of her ancient bottle of Seagram's 7 the last time I was out). They didn't find it very funny. Later, she asked me if I had been drinking more since my divorce began. I didn't tell her that my bartender had asked me the same question. I just said no. After all, I'm not that angry.

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Re: Raging Alcoholic

Post by MeanOldLady » Mon Nov 07, 2005 4:24 pm

DrDrinkBastard wrote:"I hate buying all this liquor at once, because it makes me look like a raging alcoholic. Truth is, I'm not even that angry."
HA HA HA! wow, i am a complete loser because not only did i find that funny, but i'm laughing as i type this. i've had simlar experiences with people asking me if i were throwing a party because of the ungodly portions of booze i was purchasing. usually i just kind of brush it of, "um, sure, party." come to think of it, the only place they never ask me this is at bevmo. ah, sweet bevmo, paradiso for drunkards.
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Post by Pee » Tue Nov 08, 2005 1:53 am

My reply to the weekly "having a party" verbal vomit usually goes something like "No. You writing a book? Do you ask a woman buying tampons if she needs a blood transfusion?"

Thats why BevMo is better. They know whats up and look at you in admiration rather than spite.

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Post by Renob » Tue Nov 08, 2005 2:17 pm

Along similar lines, one of my friends was having a hard time at work and would proceed to drink heavily while home alone, sitting on his second-floor apartmnet balcony. One evening to prepare for his nightly ritual he was getting two cases of beer and a bag of Dorito's from the 7-11. The clerk asked him the immortal, "having a party?"

"No," he replied, "having a breakdown."



Of course, he quit drinking as much when he woke up on his balcony one morning surrounded by beer cans, naked from the waist down. I'm sure that was a pretty sight for all the people who were getting into their cars for work in the parking lot right below his balcony.

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Post by G_W » Tue Nov 08, 2005 2:45 pm

Renob wrote: Of course, he quit drinking as much when he woke up on his balcony one morning surrounded by beer cans, naked from the waist down. I'm sure that was a pretty sight for all the people who were getting into their cars for work in the parking lot right below his balcony.
Hell, next time I'd have put a cape on and tried to swing to my neighbors balcony! As long as you don't get arrested, it wasn't that bad.
steved wrote:Proof is just information.
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Post by daphne » Wed Nov 09, 2005 2:10 am

It pisses me off that people feel the need to comment on the shit you buy. I totally agree with pee.

It makes one want to put some form of Vagistat or Mycelex 7 in their carts along with a bunch of suppositories or something. Bastards.
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Post by Oggar » Wed Nov 09, 2005 5:32 pm

My liquor store folks worry if they don't see me loading up my shopping cart once every couple of weeks. I got a call from Kyle my liquor store guy last week wondering where I've been. Working at the bar down stairs has really cut into my trips to the candy store.
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Post by Jukebox Johnson » Wed Nov 09, 2005 5:42 pm

Nice topic. At my usual liqour store he never comments, although I have at times sheepishly explained that I had company that weekend that drank everything in the house, whether true or not. At another slightly more upscale liquor store I go to when I want to buy wine, they often try to start ringing up my purchase before I am finished, but they are learning fast.

College story: I had a Philosophy Prof. who told us in class one day that when he was in college, he bought so much liquor at one store that they still sent him a Christmas card.

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Post by Shmoo » Thu Nov 10, 2005 11:34 pm

I get the "having a party" comment from time to time as well. I simply telll them that it's all for me aside from the random guest. They smile and usually give me another bottle free of charge. That's customer service.
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Post by Tipsy McStagger » Fri Nov 11, 2005 5:35 am

My liquor store asked me if I was having a party once and I told them no, just restocking blah blah blah. The clerks thought that was so cool, they now try to tell me what I may have forgotten! Gotta love a place that remembers what you purchase.
On more than one occassion this conversation has led to a handful of boob."
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spewer
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Post by spewer » Sat Nov 12, 2005 4:10 am

hey guys,

Relocate to Australia.

what is it with the big stigma thing in the states ?

no wonder you people spend so much on therapy. :wink:

The only emotion you evoke from checkout people in OZ is pure Envy.

Even if they did have something to say ( never ), who gives a Rat's Arse (ass).

Life's a game...

If they don't want to play, f@(& em.

no dis intended.

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time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

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Post by Tipsy McStagger » Sat Nov 12, 2005 7:31 am

spewer wrote:hey guys,

Relocate to Australia.

what is it with the big stigma thing in the states ?

no wonder you people spend so much on therapy. :wink:

The only emotion you evoke from checkout people in OZ is pure Envy.

Even if they did have something to say ( never ), who gives a Rat's Arse (ass).

Life's a game...

If they don't want to play, f@(& em.

no dis intended.

spewer
These emotions get evoked by people putting such broad labels on a group of people (i.e. "you drunkards" or "you Americans")

All people need to stop putting labels on people. I may be a drunkard with a nice looking liquor cabinet but there's much more to me than that. I wear a helmet, ride a short bus and lick windows too!
On more than one occassion this conversation has led to a handful of boob."
~Oggar

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Post by Shonus Andronicus » Tue Nov 15, 2005 9:22 am

^Excellent--MR F.

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Post by vtx519 » Sun Jan 29, 2006 1:24 am

I love Australia....and incidently the phrase"I built my bar and now I have to stock it," only works once. After that they think you're a raging alcoholic. In a small town they remember.....bastards
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Post by Jack Hackett » Fri Feb 17, 2006 9:36 am

Renob wrote:The clerk asked him the immortal, "having a party?"

"No," he replied, "having a breakdown."

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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