Raging Alcoholic

Post your favorite quips of wino wisdom here.

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Barca
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Post by Barca » Fri Feb 17, 2006 9:55 am

I love the "having a party?" line, because if the cashier is attractive I say, "Yes, I am, would you like to come?"

If it's a guy, "Yes, I am, too bad you're working, Slappy."

If it's a less attractive woman, "No, it's all for me." If she responds favorably, she's now attractive. See step 1.
Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer. - Henry Lawson

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Levendis
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Post by Levendis » Mon May 22, 2006 12:21 pm

My girlfriend got accosted in the liquor store while in line with an enormous bottle of Bailey's...after mentioning that it's good in coffee, the other patrons proceeded to browbeat her for drinking early in the morning. Calmly explaining that two spponfulls in a mug of murk doesn't constitute a bender was pointless....living in the bible belt is something everyone should be forced to endure.....

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Borracho
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Post by Borracho » Wed May 31, 2006 8:54 pm

I love Trader Joe's, it nearly the only thing I miss from living in California. If ordering a lot of booze and having people comment bugs ya, I'd suggest showing up buzzed. Today I was loading a keg in the back of my truck and a *really* old man walked over, stared at me for a second, and said, "So where should I be heading". I guess that was his version of "Where's the Party?" I was flattered, but still over 100 miles from home and just told him a long way from here.

That in my opinion is what makes life good... People who want to party with you just for the hell of it...

Borracho
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whiskeyprick
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Post by whiskeyprick » Thu Jun 01, 2006 3:04 am

they come to this dead end shithole, find my place, and ask me,
Gambling is a disease, but it's the only one you can win a ton of money for having - Norm Macdonald

RIPT

Post by RIPT » Fri Jun 02, 2006 9:14 pm

Yup! I agree!

Hey, just like work, I'm towing the party line!

Yup, I'm a fucking whore!

But I don't sell counterfiet drugs online or lineup Russian Hookers!

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Whiskeydick
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Post by Whiskeydick » Sun Jul 30, 2006 11:53 am

Hell, there are no rules here-- we're trying to accomplish something.

The good people at my liquor store are in the process of learning English. I am currently teaching them it is FOSTERS not PESTERS.

We won't even go in to what they call Rine Wine...[img]
I drink therefore I AM!

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Whiskeydick
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Post by Whiskeydick » Fri Aug 25, 2006 2:54 am

I don't always agree with what I say!
I drink therefore I AM!

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Post by waahoohah » Fri Aug 25, 2006 3:09 am

spewer wrote:hey guys,

Relocate to Australia.

what is it with the big stigma thing in the states?

Well, for starters, our continent was colonised (?) by bandy-legged puritans that thought having any fun in this world was a SIN. There are those of us that have tried to have fun since, but usually we are brutally supressed.
Oh, that? Yeah, I did that, it's my fault. I'm sorry.

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Post by Benh182 » Sat Aug 26, 2006 4:47 pm

Its even worse when you work in a liqour store....

You say things like "Ive personally tried almost all of these wines" and people look at you funny....there are only aout 1,000 different lines, whats the fuss?

A quick "Purely through research, of course" oft times reasures them your not about to mug them for beer money...
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Xian
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Post by Xian » Sun Aug 27, 2006 6:16 am

I have to go to a state run liqour store, in the bible belt, that's somehow still a bit of a ghetto area.

"Yo, y0, lemme get a bottle of that henny. Nah man, da small one. Gots ta play some bones tonight and get to church in the mornin' nah mean."

I Grab a bottle or two on a regular basis, so they kinda know me. I try and get the hell out before I get verbally accousted for being White, an Alchoholic, invited to go to a baptist church. or accused of going to hell for my drinking.

Vile fucks.
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spoonturtle37
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Post by spoonturtle37 » Tue Aug 29, 2006 1:43 pm

I was once in a similar situation, also at Trader Joe's. It was the only place to get cheap vodka for the night, but I was closing at my job, so I had to show up early in the day (well, before noon's pretty early for me). I grabbed Vodka of the Gods and cranberry juice and nothing else. The clerk looked at the goods, smiled at me and said "Early party?" I just looked at him deadpan and said "My doctor's put me on a very strict diet." He laughed, I tried not to...eventually breaking down. I just wonder if I could have pulled it off...
"Don't Try"

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Post by philbeans » Wed Oct 04, 2006 7:17 am

I usually only buy one bottle at a time. Last week I made a bunch of money though so I stockked up. The clerk asked me if I was having a party (of course) I just smiled and said " nope just hanging out at home".
And I said it proudly!

xxx

Post by xxx » Thu Oct 12, 2006 9:23 pm

A raging alcoholic would spread that lay across 4 liqour stores. You sound more like a proud drunk to buy it at one liqour store.

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Hangover Heartattack
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best drunken quote

Post by Hangover Heartattack » Thu Nov 16, 2006 9:39 am

one of the best drinking quotes I've been witness to:

Drunk #1:(sacasticly)"that's it have another beer. It's sad when you need a crutch to get through the day."

Drunk #2:(dead honest)"actually...it's more of a wheelchair at this point..."

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Da Raider
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Post by Da Raider » Tue Aug 14, 2007 4:42 pm

i get the same question at the checkout line all the time: "So, having a party?"
My response is always the same: "Nope, this is for my own personal consumption."

Sometimes I get smiles, sometimes I get dirty looks. I really don't give a shit, and if you're on this website, I'd assume that you'd have thicker skin or not give two shits what some teetotaler thinks anyway.

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