bill brasky

[Bucko]

"Bill Brasky is a son of a bitch!"
"Bill Brasky is the father of every kid in this town!"
"Bill Brasky once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!"
"One time I was with Brasky in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Brasky goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm Bill Brasky! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'Billbrasky'... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!'"
"He'd eat a homeless person if you dared him!"
"His poop is used as currency in Argentina."
"He sweats Gatorade"
"He once breast fed a flamingo back to health."
"He hated Mexicans! And he was half Mexican! .......And he hated irony!"
"I once saw him scissor kick Angela Landsbury."
"He sheds his skin once a year."
"He did 3 tours in 'Nam...... I was in Corpus Christi on business a month ago. I had this eight foot tall Asian waiter, which made me curious. I asked him his name. Sure enough it's Ho Tran Brasky!"
"I once saw him eat a whole live chicken."
"His favorite movie is 'One on One' with Robby Benson."
"He sleeps eight hours a night! ........ well, he was pretty normal when it came to that."
"Bill Brasky was a two ton man-mountain who could palm a medicine ball!"
"Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally Brasky takes me to a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a year and a half and, sure enough, someone constructs a bar around us. The day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Brasky yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found 'em!'"
"Bill Brasky had a four day heart attack...a day for each chamber. At the autopsy, they said his heart looked like a basketball filled with ricotta cheese."
"He once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road."
"He taught me how to make love to a woman, and how to scold a child."

[Kilgore Stout]

"The story of Johnny Appleseed is based on Brasky... except for the part about planting apple trees... and not raping men."
"He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls."
"Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky went hunting? Brasky decides he's going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machete. They all begged for their lives...except Fleegle."
"Brasky's family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong."
"Brasky named the group Sha Na Na. They did not want to be called that."
"He wears a live rattlesnake as a condom."
"They say he bleeds peppermint vodka."
"The movie Deliverance was based on Brasky's experiences as a kindergarden teacher."
"He took The Blair Witch to his senior prom."
"He uses live elk for toilet paper."

To Bill Brasky!

[The Drunken Songstress]

""He hated Mexicans! And he was half Mexican! .......And he hated irony!"

LMAO! My grandpa was half mexican and hated mexicans.

[Crystal]

Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky and I were in a production of The King and I? Anyway, on opening night, Brasky chloroforms the entire cast, and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours. The production got pretty good reviews.

To Bill Brasky!

[Crystal]

Too bad they all got turned into Chuck Norris lines.

[&]

lolz. my best friend and I always used to drink to bill brasky.

[Dr. Dotto S. Blotto]

he had dandruff the size of mice!

To Bill Brasky!

[Bucko]

Too bad they all got turned into Chuck Norris lines.

Many people know of the legend of both of these titans. Now, we will examine what would happen and what may happen if both of these men fought it out.
Ok, here are a few things that we know for sure if these two did battle it out.

The planet earth would not be able to withstand the emmence power and probably implode on it'self if the fight lasts too long. Initial estimates do have it that this fight will last for about 2.5 millennia.
The initial shockwave of these two clashing together for the first time till not only cause a earthquake that would shake the planet, but it would also be so powerful that the wind from the shockwave would actually make Don King's hair lay flat.
With a punch from Brasky, it would create such a powerful gravitational vaccuum we would get a second moon, it's name is Pluto.
At any time from a round-house kick from Chuck Norris, he can create anti-matter and a new element known as chucktanium, this reaction is very similar to a small big-bang.
Now, with those facts set aside, we can get down and analyse these two miracles of humanity.

Bill Brasky, who's full name is William Robert Julian Brasky, has been told that he is a 10 foot beast man who showers in vodka. There are various occasions where the size of this legend has been discussed over a round table in various establishments. Here are some testimonies to Bill Brasky's size:

1/20/1996 - 6'4", 280 lbs.
1/20/1996 - 6'7", 385 lbs.
1/20/1996 - 7'8", 530 lbs.
3/16/1996 - 6'8", 340 lbs.
3/16/1996 - 7'10", 590 lbs.
3/16/1996 - 9'8", 790 lbs.
5/10/1997 - An eight-foot, two-ton monster who can palm a medicine ball! That’s what he is.
12/12/1998 - He's a 10-foot-tall beast man, who showers in Vodka.. and feeds his baby Shrimp Scampi..
So, the easiest way to get Bill Brasky's real size would be to average all of the claims from the scotch induced video testemonials.

When we do this, Bill Brasky would be 8' 10 1/8", 600.751 lbs. This would make Bill Brasky just shy of being the world's tallest man, which is held by Robert Wadlo, which was 8' 11.1"

According Chuck Norris's bio, he is 5'10" and it does not list a weight. He is very fit, so I would estimate him as 180-220. I am not a good judge of weight, but I figure that is a pretty good estimate.

So, Bill Brasky has the size and weight advantage, but now what about agility? A big guy that has no agility or speed would most certainly get his ass handed to him by someone who has a lot more speed and agility and can inflict a lot of pain with a roundhouse kick.

As hard as it is to believe, Brasky isn't a sloth. Here are a few credits to his cat-like speed and agility:

"He once ate the Bible while water skiing."
"He jogged with a fridge on his back!"
"Brasky ranked 18th in the AP College Football Pool."
"I once saw him scissor kick Angela Landsbury."
We all know that Chuck Norris is an accomplished martial artist. He has a black belt in Tang Soo Do as well as creating his own martial art called Chun Kuk Do.

Bill Brasky also has his own martial art, Scotch Down It Go. He has slowly perfected it over the years, and is the second most practiced martial art in Vietnam. Recently, his son Ho Tran Brasky started a dojo/bar in Corpus Christy.

Chuck Norris does have some special attributes that will help him against Brasky such as the following from http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com :

There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?" Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you will be dead before the lightbulb turns on.
Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye
Now, when it comes down to their manhood, both of these men have it goin' on. Here are some of the testemonials of both of them men. We'll start it off with Bill Brasky.

Oh, yeah! He puts me on a ship to Thailand, right? And I'm chained to a pipe. Meanwhile, ol' Brasky, he's back in the States siring three beautiful children with my wife!
Well, he's standing right between me and my daughter at the ceremony. He's got no right to be there, but he's drunk and he's Brasky! Well, long story short: the priest accidentally marries me and Brasky! [ the guys laugh ] Off! Off! Off! We spend the weekend in the Poconos - he loves me like I've never been loved before!
Bill Brasky once gave me a videotape of him having sex with my wife, and it was the most beautiful damn thing I ever saw!
He has a toenail on the end of his penis!
Brasky got his wife pregnant.. and she gave birth to a delicious 16 oz. steak.. The afterbirth was sauteed muchrooms!
They use Brasky's foreskin as a tarp when it rains at Yankee Stadium!
He wears a live rattlesnake as a condom! The character Johnny Appleseed was based on Brasky.. except for the part about planting appleseeds and not raping men!
He gave a hand job to a mannaray!
A ten foot monster who slept with all of our wives!
Hell, he sired a baseball team. An orchestra, if you count the bastards!
Now for Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.

[Bucko]

the greatest collection of videos ever assembled

http://www.brohans.com/2007/04/06/video ... ll-of-them

[rollo]

Brasky drank a full glass of liquid LSD with his eggs. Then he slept for 8 months straight. When he woke he rubbed his eyes and said, 'All in all, I prefer gin.



GOD best skit ever. I hope next time Ferrell or Baldwin host SNL they do it....damn so underrated

[Uncle Gary]

"He did all the makeup on the Planet of the Apes movies."
"He orchestrated the merger between UNICEF and Smith & Wesson."
"They say Gene Roddenberry got the idea for Star Trek by listening to Brasky talk in his sleep."
"We once had a bachelor party for Brasky. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it."
"If you drop a phonograph needle on Brasky's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys' Pet Sounds."
"Did I ever tell you about the time he taught his son how to drive? He did it by entering him in the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died. Brasky said it would've happened sometime."
"He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident."

To Bill Brasky

[lmr5150]

Didn't Bill Braskyb attend Kansas St.?