Pentagon Plan for Zombie Outbreak

[Badfellow]

Zombies have become a bit trite and a lot trendy lately. However, I'm a purist from the good old Romero days. I got my first shotgun and machete combo at age 3. I'm in it for the long haul, and after the world goes to hell I'll be sitting on a throne made of liquor and ammunition. Just sayin'.

But an actual contingency plan?

Sure, it's just a "training exercise" used by the Dept. of Defense and the clowns with Homeland Security (gotta love that name, much more folksy sounding than "Internal Security Forces"). Here is full, unclassified pdf for CONPLAN 8888, and yes, it is real. Somebody in the Army got paid to write this highly entertaining drivel and I'm a little jealous that it wasn't me. Enjoy.

[Mr. Viking]

I think a machete would be stupid because one must be very close to use one. I own a machete for scrub clearing and it's shit for that, blunts quickly and has a dodgy grip, which I think is seated in the bad weight balance. Much better off with a forged steel axe with maybe a 20 inch handle and a broad face. Otherwise, more sensibly, a .22 rifle with a detachable magazine, which are easily available and cheap. Personally, I would just try and avoid contact until the state stepped in, because they are outrageously organized

[Mr. Viking]

sorry, this was a bit off topic, but I'm lazy and rather tipsy

[Badfellow]

That's actually totally spot-on topic. I dig the discussion.

You understand, the machete is for back-up if god forbid you should run out of ammo, or if you need to do the job silently without attracting the attention of a nearby herd. With all due respect, the .22 LR or even .22 Winchester Magnum lacks the stopping power needed to cleanly dispatch of the zombie's brain (a clean head shot is the only sure way to bring one down, and even then they must be incinerated to assure neutralization). In these here United States, 12 ga. shotgun shells are as ubiquitous as beer, apple pie and bi-partisan politics. A load of 3 inch 00 buckshot (or even a 2 3/4 inch bird load at closer range) will do the trick very nicely without overpenetration.

Of course, my main armament would be an AR-15 type rifle such as an M4 carbine or an SBR with many, many thirty round magazines loaded with SS-109 or a comparable 62-70 gr. ammunition. Paired with a Trijicon ACOG or and Elcan Spectre sight, it would be ideal for zombie engagements accurately out to at least 400 meters. Plus you'd be able to salvage ammunition and magazines from National Guard and police casualties or vacated government stockpiles. But I'd also have Oggar bringing up the rear guard with an M-249 Squad Automatic Weapon.

[Mr. Viking]

sorry, but a .22 LR will remove more brains than a standard shotgun cartridge. 12 gauge is not standard (here) and a machete is still stupid, as I can attest to, having used them in practical situations

[booznik]

Just to mention, and perhaps you've already read it, but the subject is discussed in detail in The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead, by Max Brooks. That was the one he wrote first, before World War Z.

[Badfellow]

sorry, but a .22 LR will remove more brains than a standard shotgun cartridge...

There you are very sorely mistaken. I suggest a little reading-up on the subject of muzzle energy before making any further assumptions. In terms of muzzle energy, which is often measured in a unit known as "foot-pounds", a .22 LR cartridge comes in at around 120-150 depending on the load, whereas a 12 ga. "double-aught" buckshot shell averages around 2700. Both the math and Kurt Cobain would seem to prove your statement incorrect. I'll grant you whatever opinion you'd like regarding machetes as there I'm not so knowedgeable or inclined to give a hoot.

Just to mention, and perhaps you've already read it, but the subject is discussed in detail in The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead, by Max Brooks. That was the one he wrote first, before World War Z.

I dig Max Brooks. He was actually used as a source numerous times in the writing of CONPLAN 8888.

[booznik]

..Both the math and Kurt Cobain would seem to prove your statement incorrect...

Too soon, Mr. Badfellow, too soon!

What? That was 20 years ago? Really? Ugh... going to have to get that set of dentures made soon.

[Frankennietzsche]

What all those "zombie survival guides" fail to consider is the power of a good, old fashioned Necromantic ritual. What do you need with destroying the undead when you can control them to do your bidding? What use is this so called "science" and it's futile weaponry in the face of the power of the Hordes of Hades? All one needs is a bit of fresh blood, some bones, perhaps and a powerful enough fetish and they shall be yours to command.

[booznik]

What all those "zombie survival guides" fail to consider is the power of a good, old fashioned Necromantic ritual. What do you need with destroying the undead when you can control them to do your bidding? What use is this so called "science" and it's futile weaponry in the face of the power of the Hordes of Hades? All one needs is a bit of fresh blood, some bones, perhaps and a powerful enough fetish and they shall be yours to command.

You are a jelly doughnut. I saw you on Jelly Doughnut Watch.

[Palinka (RIP)]

...12 gauge is not standard (here)...

As much as I am loath to enter a conversation about weapons, 12 Gauge is standard in the UK, we just call it 12 Bore (another example of two nations divided by a common language, perhaps...), and it is very common in rural areas.

[booznik]

What all those "zombie survival guides" fail to consider is the power of a good, old fashioned Necromantic ritual. What do you need with destroying the undead when you can control them to do your bidding? What use is this so called "science" and it's futile weaponry in the face of the power of the Hordes of Hades? All one needs is a bit of fresh blood, some bones, perhaps and a powerful enough fetish and they shall be yours to command.

You are a jelly doughnut. I saw you on Jelly Doughnut Watch.

Strange, I don't remember posting this. I'm sure it made sense at the time. Possibly for posting in a different thread.

The empty bottles are claiming innocence, so I'm going to blame the zombies. The sooner Mr. Badfellow figures out how to defeat them, the better.

[oettinger]

Don`t forget the spade, just ask WWI trench soldiers. Dig your hole and attack!
A good machete should be balenced perfectly and not be too long. Practice with your most hated neighbours while fighting for drink.
What happens when zombies eat a drunk?
And let me enter the Gau-8 Avenger, just for the sake of owning one!

[booznik]

What happens when zombies eat a drunk?

A brilliant question, and one that gives me an idea. What if we got the zombies so drunk, they started eating each other? Perhaps Stroh 80 could be employed once again. Stroh 80 might turn out to be the solution to all the world's problems.

[Badfellow]

What all those "zombie survival guides" fail to consider is the power of a good, old fashioned Necromantic ritual...

Sorry, charlie. The Dept. of Defense has warlocks and deviant librarians covered in their contingency plans. No Necronomicon for you!

Evil Magic Zombies (EMZs)- (u)EMZs are zombie life forms created via some form of occult experimentation in what might otherwise be referred to as "evil magic"