ALTERNATE UNIVERSE: DO NOT ENTER

[Badfellow]

Okay, here's a serious scientific question...

If I have a goatee in the regular universe, would the evil version of me in the dark universe then not have a goatee? Or maybe just sideburns and a cop mustache? Or maybe I'm really actually the evil goatee version of the regular me from the wussy universe and he can't grow facial hair at all? This shit is very confusing and somewhat arbitrary. Who's writing this drivel? I need another drink.

[mistah willies]

In this universe, you're a Badfellow.

In others, you invented the Charlie Chaplin\Hitler training wheels 'stache.

In several others, I have Ghengis Khan mutton chops with a mullet, and I killed J.Tiberious Kirk while trying to sell him rich Corinthian leather.

In one of those, you have a mustache for a killer Mohawk on your noggin.

Now it's time to drink.

[Badfellow]

...rich Corinthian leather...

Sorry, I just like the sound of it. Ricardo Montalban could sell ice water to the Inuits.

[Frankennietzsche]

If in this universe ('universe prime' :because Cartesian logic dictates that if you ask this question, then you must, by definition, a priori be, what with the Cogito and all that ), one has a goatee, then all of the other you's in the various other universes must follow the dictates of Einsteinian Facial Hair Realativity and have all of the various Facial Hair Archetypes that the Escher-Jungian laws prescribe.

[Badfellow]

Yes, I think it's a toss-up between Circle Beard and a Van Dyke as most evilly groomed facial hair (the former is more brutish and Khan-like while the latter has a more refined "mad scientist/Faustian devil" sort of look). Also, the supposedly "Friendly" mutton chops have a rather insidious vibe to them, just like that one uncle in the greasy bathrobe you wouldn't trust to watch the kids.

Incidentally, I have since devoted considerable effort to the phase containment of a stabilized Einstein Rosen Bridge, thereby allowing me to reach effortlessly across the oceans of space-time and steal other peoples drinks while they aren't looking. Wait, where did your whiskey milkshake go? Oh, here it is in my hand!Hah! I drink your milkshake!

[Frankennietzsche]

I am thinking that the "von Tirpitz" (not shown, but q.v.) should make a comeback. I myself, however, am thinking of affecting an imperial, which I shall add an 'e' and an accent to, to become an Imperiale`, hence solidifying my future claim to the Padisha Emperor's throne.

[Badfellow]

You strike me as more of a flannel wearing Bandholz hipster. Then again, I could see you rocking the von Tirpitz with a Pickelhaube.

If you remember the show Farscape, Captain Crais grew some wicked evil facial hair. He had that shizzle shaved into the transverse of a black widow's hourglass beneath his lower lip for a while. Tight!

[Frankennietzsche]

You strike me as more of a flannel wearing

More than the Lillith Far.

Bandholz

That is pretty much what I am affecting currently, more out of apathy, laziness and entropy, than anything

hipster.

HOW DARE YOU SIR?! IAM AM MUCH TOO OLD AND SQUARE TO BE CONSIDERED A 'HIPSTER'.

[Badfellow]

hipster.

HOW DARE YOU SIR?! IAM AM MUCH TOO OLD AND SQUARE TO BE CONSIDERED A 'HIPSTER'.

Sorry, that just makes you more hip.

For every evil reaction, there is an opposite and even more evil reaction. I've already constructed a thought probability matrix regarding this possibility*

*(Mostly made of dark rum, lung cookies and academic conjectulation, THBQ added to maintain freshness)

[Patchez]

I guess I'm rocking the Viking or the Caveman since it is far to manly and large for the Bandholz.

Though I do have a picture of me with just a full beard and my twin with a circle beard type thing. You'll have to figure out the evil one.

[Badfellow]

I didn't realize you went trout fishing with Dan Doherty from Deadwood.

Cool.

[Patchez]

Thanks for a new cosplay at a comiccon!

[oettinger]

Incidentally, I have since devoted considerable effort to the phase containment of a stabilized Einstein Rosen Bridge, thereby allowing me to reach effortlessly across the oceans of space-time and steal other peoples drinks while they aren't looking. Wait, where did your whiskey milkshake go? Oh, here it is in my hand!Hah! I drink your milkshake!

It`s a trap!

An across-the-universes-trap to be correct.

While you have my milkshake I blow up your homeplanet with my inter-galactic death-stare.
Oh, and I peed in it seconds before you got it.


To the beards topic: Maybe in one evil universe you got left half french fork, right half imperial?

[Mr. Viking]

I used to have a garibaldi, I miss it, but it was a lot of work to keep vaguely in shape, maybe alternate me is cleanshaven with a mullet

[Frankennietzsche]

What that infographic is missing is the pudding eating gay cowboy and the Bill Buckner.