Dating for drunks: tips/how to's

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oldsmartskunk
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Re: Dating for drunks: tips/how to's

Post by oldsmartskunk » Thu May 11, 2017 6:47 am

In a flash of hangover induced creativity i had quite an interesting conversation with a girl i am seeing. She has severe intimacy issues. And here's what i came up with: " being with you is like milking a goat - one can't do it, but if he does, he will certainly not drink it". She wasn't very pleased with that. That means i am free to drinking through all weekend. That's quite a tip if you're more into boozing and less into dating right?

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Re: Dating for drunks: tips/how to's

Post by oettinger » Fri May 12, 2017 8:04 am

oldsmartskunk wrote:
Thu May 11, 2017 6:47 am
In a flash of hangover induced creativity i had quite an interesting conversation with a girl i am seeing. She has severe intimacy issues. And here's what i came up with: " being with you is like milking a goat - one can't do it, but if he does, he will certainly not drink it". She wasn't very pleased with that. That means i am free to drinking through all weekend. That's quite a tip if you're more into boozing and less into dating right?
I think I will follow suit. Fuck em girls. Cheers
I do not remember posting that ^^^
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Patchez
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Re: Dating for drunks: tips/how to's

Post by Patchez » Thu Sep 14, 2017 12:34 am

Rule # 1 Find someone who doesn't drink a drop. Not a tea totaling wet hen. Someone who will tolerate you drunkenness without draining your booze fund.

Let's face it sunshine, you ain't making enough cash to support two drunks. Ask Buk. He knows what's up.

Rule # 2 If rule 1 fails find a wealthy drunk lady as a sugar mama.
Now you're ready for some anti-dry-otics!-BeerMakesMeSmarter

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Re: Dating for drunks: tips/how to's

Post by Artful Drunktective » Thu Oct 12, 2017 8:06 pm

Okay Mr. Smart Skunk. Now that you are dating someone, you have to update this thread with your dating tips and how to's.
Something's got to be done. We can't go on like this.
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oldsmartskunk
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Re: Dating for drunks: tips/how to's

Post by oldsmartskunk » Mon Oct 16, 2017 3:27 am

No tips here. I can be quite charming when i don't go around spewing dick jokes and drunkenly insulting girl's parents.
And finally - she is not a dry!

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Re: Dating for drunks: tips/how to's

Post by ThirstyDrunk » Wed Oct 25, 2017 9:11 pm

To be fair, I'm drunker than you.

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Re: Dating for drunks: tips/how to's

Post by Badfellow » Wed Oct 25, 2017 11:42 pm

And here are some more phallic dating tips for the unwitting.
ພາສາລາວNONE GENUINE WITHOUT MY SIGNATUREພາສາລາວ

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Re: Dating for drunks: tips/how to's

Post by oldsmartskunk » Thu Oct 26, 2017 11:23 am

It's good you two managed to save your virginity in this hard unforgiving world!

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Re: Dating for drunks: tips/how to's

Post by oettinger » Fri Oct 27, 2017 9:49 am

oldsmartskunk wrote:
Thu Oct 26, 2017 11:23 am
It's good you two managed to save your virginity in this hard unforgiving world!
I`d say that`s a bad thing for the rest of us. I´ll not be able to sleep without one eye open until they got their saussage festival figuered out
I do not remember posting that ^^^
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Re: Dating for drunks: tips/how to's

Post by Artful Drunktective » Fri Oct 27, 2017 12:44 pm

And now...I will proceed to gouge my eyes out after viewing this. And promptly become a raging lesbian.

May I suggest that since Old Smartypants Skunk can't even provide us any tips- even after successfully finding a lady friend- and other drunkards posted videos of...well...what they posted...that maybe the phrase "got lucky" refers to us drunkards and no tips / how to's will ever be of use?
Need we question (or care) why we are single? Ha.
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Re: Dating for drunks: tips/how to's

Post by oldsmartskunk » Sat Oct 28, 2017 3:39 am

Skunk's tips to successful dating:
1) Tone down phallic jokes. A few here and there are still good.
2) Go out when someone is asking you out or just invite someone you like.
3) Don't try to impress your date - you are a drunk, if you raise a bar too high you will fail to perform at the same level.
4) Don't expect too much - people are are fucking boring. My current requirement for a woman - big tits. After that i pretty much loose all interest.
5) If all that fail - you can always hoop up with oettinger during Las Vegas meeting. He is a kind soul. He doesn't say no to anyone. (mostly because he spends 90percent of his time unconscious)

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Re: Dating for drunks: tips/how to's

Post by oldsmartskunk » Sat Nov 11, 2017 2:24 pm

Dating tip from oettinger: dating girls is gay !

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Re: Dating for drunks: tips/how to's

Post by Artful Drunktective » Sun Nov 12, 2017 3:17 am

To quote Patchez...FIXED THAT FOR "YA!

oldsmartskunk wrote:
Sat Oct 28, 2017 3:39 am

Skunk's tips to successful dating:
1) Tone down joke about my own GINORMOUS SHTICKY and SCHTINKY dick. A few here and there are still good.
2) Go out and molest when someone is asking you out or just rape someone you like. Or rape someone you hate for that matter.
3) Don't try to impress or pudhammer your date - you are a drunk, if you raise a bar too high you will fail to perform at the same level which you will never perform at that level because you are a useless drunk with whisky dick. So try the helicopter dick swing. It works.
4) Don't expect too much - people are are fucking boring. My current requirement for a woman - big tits and big butts (Big butts I cannot lie). After that i pretty much roofie them and put them in Bubblez trailer or Dear Booze's trunk for a free for all and we all lose all interest after we bury them in the California desert.
5) If all that fail - you can always hook up with oettinger where he will sing the song "Goodbye Horses" while rubbing lotion on it's skin (mostly because Oett spends 90percent of his time unconscious but not in a trunk at least) This is why we love Oettinger. Because we can take advantage of his vagine always.
Last edited by Artful Drunktective on Sun Nov 12, 2017 10:46 am, edited 1 time in total.
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I must have some booze. I demand to have some booze!- Withnail


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Re: Dating for drunks: tips/how to's

Post by Dear Booze » Sun Nov 12, 2017 9:20 am

To quote the great Smokey Robinson, "My mama told me 'you better shop around'".

That song is about hookers. Find a good one.

But, to quote the great Stephen Stills, "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with".
Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Give a drunk man tortilla chips, Velveeta and a hair dryer and he has nachos.

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Re: Dating for drunks: tips/how to's

Post by oettinger » Sun Nov 12, 2017 10:00 am

The last quote is rather disconcerting. I think I`ll be alone then
I do not remember posting that ^^^
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