Stuff I thought as a Kid

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Frankennietzsche
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Stuff I thought as a Kid

Post by Frankennietzsche » Wed Jan 18, 2017 4:32 pm

This was posted somewhere else and it's funny:

Stuff I thought as a kid
“Süßen witwe Mutter-Hosen — kommst du hier mit mein knackenpfeife schnell, oder Ich zeige Ihnen mein Zuhälter Hand!”

"I am going to pistol-whip the next person who says 'shenanigans' "

"Rectum? It nearly killed him!"

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Re: Stuff I thought as a Kid

Post by Frankennietzsche » Wed Jan 18, 2017 4:36 pm

I used to think that one's buttocks was where the fecal matter was "stored" until evacuated.
“Süßen witwe Mutter-Hosen — kommst du hier mit mein knackenpfeife schnell, oder Ich zeige Ihnen mein Zuhälter Hand!”

"I am going to pistol-whip the next person who says 'shenanigans' "

"Rectum? It nearly killed him!"

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Re: Stuff I thought as a Kid

Post by Dear Booze » Wed Jan 18, 2017 10:36 pm

Shit. When I first learned the pledge of allegiance, I guess I learned it phonetically, because what I thought it meant, and what it does mean were worlds apart. Here's the breakdown:

"I pledja legions to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for witch's stands, one Nation under God, invisible , with liberty and just us for all."

1. I had no idea what "plegja" meant, but I knew legions meant a lot. I have no idea why I knew that.
2. I thought that a "witch's stand" had to be like a pulpit for witches.
3. Everyone knows God is invisible.
4. Yep. That pledge, the stand for witches, and everything else. It's all just for us. Nobody else.
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Re: Stuff I thought as a Kid

Post by mistah willies » Fri Jan 20, 2017 7:06 pm

I couldn't watch Saturday morning shows on the floor while wearing only my tighty whites with my repast of roof-of-the-mouth-shredding Honeycomb Hide-out cereal.

I'd thought that the television people, whether real or drawn, could see me as i could see them, so I put on a tie. In addition to my tighty whites. Proper. Perhaps Alex P. Keaton did that as well.

I think I need to see the Dr. again. This explains a lot to me now.

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Re: Stuff I thought as a Kid

Post by Frankennietzsche » Fri Jan 20, 2017 10:01 pm

I have always had a superstition that people in pictures in magazines and catalogues might be able to see me, so I used to turn them over when someone left them in the water closet. Now it just bothers me, portraits and such.
“Süßen witwe Mutter-Hosen — kommst du hier mit mein knackenpfeife schnell, oder Ich zeige Ihnen mein Zuhälter Hand!”

"I am going to pistol-whip the next person who says 'shenanigans' "

"Rectum? It nearly killed him!"

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Re: Stuff I thought as a Kid

Post by mistah willies » Fri Jan 20, 2017 10:21 pm

Mirrors at night, (none in me bedroom)

... Empty shoes pointing toward me from the corner, or set on the floor in front of a chair.


...Open closet doors in the dark.


I'm calling Dr. Black Rum now. This might help me have lesser bad dreams before the next day to DRINK

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Re: Stuff I thought as a Kid

Post by Patchez » Fri Jan 20, 2017 11:38 pm

Wait, 12 y.o. whiskey isn't for 12 y.o.s?

My wife is gonna be pissed when she finds out I gave my grandson my Ardbeg 10.
Now you're ready for some anti-dry-otics!-BeerMakesMeSmarter

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Re: Stuff I thought as a Kid

Post by oettinger » Sat Jan 21, 2017 8:25 am

No such things,
Wasn`t allowed to think until age 14...

Oh wrong thread




Really though, the only thing that comes to mind is: How good smokes and wine smelled. I took a mind note: Do this also, as soons as possible!
I do not remember posting that ^^^
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Re: Stuff I thought as a Kid

Post by Dear Booze » Sat Jan 21, 2017 12:47 pm

I remember having a strong sense of what was masculine and what was feminine. For example red and yellow were girl colors, while blue and green were boy colors; all dogs were boys and all cats were girls; trucks were for boys and cars were for girls; tea was something women drank and coffee was for men; wine was for ladies and beer was for men. Everything HAD to fit into one of these categories and I made a constant effort to know in which category each thing fit.
Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Give a drunk man tortilla chips, Velveeta and a hair dryer and he has nachos.

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Re: Stuff I thought as a Kid

Post by oettinger » Sat Jan 21, 2017 2:15 pm

Dear Booze wrote:
Sat Jan 21, 2017 12:47 pm
I remember having a strong sense of what was masculine and what was feminine. For example red and yellow were girl colors, while blue and green were boy colors; all dogs were boys and all cats were girls; trucks were for boys and cars were for girls; tea was something women drank and coffee was for men; wine was for ladies and beer was for men. Everything HAD to fit into one of these categories and I made a constant effort to know in which category each thing fit.
AIDS was something only gays would get, like Queen and Elton John



Being raised in a german kindergarten I can tell more horror stories about a just growing male singing to female crapshit songs all day.
The last thing I`d care about is undrunk-awareness
I do not remember posting that ^^^
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Re: Stuff I thought as a Kid

Post by Patchez » Sun Jan 22, 2017 12:19 am

Dear Booze wrote:
Sat Jan 21, 2017 12:47 pm
I remember having a strong sense of what was masculine and what was feminine. For example red and yellow were girl colors, while blue and green were boy colors; all dogs were boys and all cats were girls; trucks were for boys and cars were for girls; tea was something women drank and coffee was for men; wine was for ladies and beer was for men. Everything HAD to fit into one of these categories and I made a constant effort to know in which category each thing fit.
Thank God for LSD!
Now you're ready for some anti-dry-otics!-BeerMakesMeSmarter

If worms had daggers, birds wouldn't fuck with them-Todd Snider

Blackout and be extraordinary-Absinthe of Malice

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Re: Stuff I thought as a Kid

Post by Badfellow » Sun Jan 22, 2017 11:15 am

Frankennietzsche wrote:
Fri Jan 20, 2017 10:01 pm
I have always had a superstition that people in pictures in magazines and catalogues might be able to see me...
People Magazine was always the worst offender too. Not that I truly believed they could see me, but it's still disconcerting to have Burt Reynolds smirking at you while you're trying to pinch a loaf.


I was also under the mistaken impression that wind chill temperature was actually "windshield" temperature. That damn windshield get's pretty cold, don'tcha know.
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Re: Stuff I thought as a Kid

Post by Dear Booze » Sun Jan 22, 2017 11:22 am

Badfellow wrote:
Sun Jan 22, 2017 11:15 am
...I was also under the mistaken impression that wind chill temperature was actually "windshield" temperature. That damn windshield get's pretty cold, don'tcha know.
I always thought the weather guy on the radio was warning us about "black guys" on the road. Turns out, it was all about "black ice".

All ice matters.
Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Give a drunk man tortilla chips, Velveeta and a hair dryer and he has nachos.

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Re: Stuff I thought as a Kid

Post by Frankennietzsche » Fri Feb 17, 2017 9:14 pm

I remember seeing "mustache ride" novelty belt-buckles in JC Penny's (in Penny's, fer gossake) and thinking that was the funniest thing. I used to beg for one of those belt buckles, to no avail.
“Süßen witwe Mutter-Hosen — kommst du hier mit mein knackenpfeife schnell, oder Ich zeige Ihnen mein Zuhälter Hand!”

"I am going to pistol-whip the next person who says 'shenanigans' "

"Rectum? It nearly killed him!"

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Re: Stuff I thought as a Kid

Post by ThirstyDrunk » Sat Feb 18, 2017 6:34 am

my childhood memories were ruined by my childhood.
To be fair, I'm drunker than you.

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