Shit we hate:

That's right. You can put them right here.

Moderators: NYDingbat, oettinger, Judge, Oggar, Badfellow, Mr Boozificator, Artful Drunktective, mistah willies

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scream ale
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Re: Shit we hate:

Post by scream ale »

Nausea wrote:
Tue Jan 28, 2020 12:55 pm
Every damn website informing me of its cookie policies.
I'll be damned if I'm buying cookies for a website.
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Dear Booze
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Re: Shit we hate:

Post by Dear Booze »

This commercial (I fixed it a bit):

Cunt Cave

(Image)
State Farm® logo on red background

(Image)
A man and woman – Carol and Victor - stand
outside their home and watch a small structure go
up in flames. The woman is on a cordless phone
with her State Farm agent Zachary.

(Speaker: Carol)
Well, it finally happened, Zachary.
Somebody burned down my Cunt Cave.

(Speaker: Victor)
Nobody burned down your cunt cave, Carol.

(Speaker: Carol)
Well, my cunt cave is on fire.

(Speaker: Victor)
Your cunt cave was struck by lightning.

(Image)
Carol talks into the phone.

(Speaker: Carol)
Zachary, is my cunt cave covered by State Farm?

(Image)
State Farm agent Zachary talks on phone to
Carol from his office.

(Speaker: Zachary)
Your cunt cave's covered, Carol.

(Image)
Carol puts phone to chest and looks at
Victor with a smile.

(Speaker: Carol)
You hear that, Victor? I'm getting a new
cuntier cunt cave.

(Image)
A flaming dildo falls from the ceiling of the
burning cunt cave and onto a table with a
dick shaped cake. Feminine hygiene products are seen on fire in
the cunt cave. Image switches to Victor looking
at Carol.

(Speaker: Victor)
Cuntier?

(Speaker: Carol)
Mm-hmm.

(Image)
Victor looks at the cunt cave resigned and without
enthusiasm. A small garden hose is visible
in his hand.

[RESCUE SIRENS]

(Speaker: Victor)
That's wonderful news.

(Image)
Two firefighters hold a firehose and
work to extinguish fire.

(Text on Screen)
Here to help cunt caves go right.

(Image)
Image switches to red background with text.

(Text on Screen)
Here to help life go right.®

(Speaker: Female Announcer)
Go with the one that's here to help life go right.

(Image)
State Farm® logo.

(Speaker: Female Announcer)
State Farm

(Text on Screen)
Talk to an agent today.
800-STATE-FARM

(Disclaimer)
State Farm Fire and Casualty Company
State Farm General Insurance Company
Bloomington, IL
*State Farm Florida Insurance Company
Winter Haven, FL
State Farm Lloyds, Richardson, TX
Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Give a drunk man tortilla chips, Velveeta and a hair dryer and he has nachos.

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Patchez
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Re: Shit we hate:

Post by Patchez »

Artful Drunktective wrote:
Wed Jan 22, 2020 11:40 am
^ ^ ^ Yeah really. It's always some Midwestern housewife's nostalgic story on how Auntie Em or Gramma Sue would make it and how they were eventually taught how to make it while reminiscing on summers of drinking lemonade, playing on a tire swing, getting a Band-Aid on the knee, (insert something cliché), getting molested by Uncle Touchy, and eating random casseroles. That's tender to my heart and all buuuut...
I just wanna know what da fuggin ingredients and measurements are.

Unless these prized recipes were smuggled up their asses like Christopher Walken did with the pocket watch during the war... I just kinda don't care the origin of where it came from.

Image
Now you're ready for some anti-dry-otics!-BeerMakesMeSmarter

If worms had daggers, birds wouldn't fuck with them-Todd Snider

Blackout and be extraordinary-Absinthe of Malice

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Artful Drunktective
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Re: Shit we hate:

Post by Artful Drunktective »

^ ^ ^ HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA! That's me every day.

My other favorite are the stories about the busy soccer mom and how she manages to find time to cook hearty meals for her family between dance recitals and soccer practices. So for other busy mom's, she created this simple "kid friendly" recipe to get rug rats to eat their veggies and yet, it's food that makes the whole family happy!

Beeyatch don't even act like you don't have time to cook when you wrote this 8 page dissertation on your "busy" life as a mom prior to your casserole recipe. You ain't the Pioneer Woman.
"Something's got to be done. We can't go on like this.
I must have some booze".


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oettinger
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Re: Shit we hate:

Post by oettinger »

People not showing up for appointments.

I had 25 potential tennants for two flats that agreed upon viewing today. Two showed up.
Atleast one guy was very nice and got one of the flats.

I`m pissed and will get very drunk today.
Drink sizes matter
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Nausea
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Re: Shit we hate:

Post by Nausea »

Getting sore just from lifting a basket full of wine bottles.

I used to work in a lumber yard for chrissakes.

Out of shape as FUQ.
Oh God, my grandmother would kill me.

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scream ale
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Re: Shit we hate:

Post by scream ale »

Nausea wrote:
Sun Feb 16, 2020 9:10 pm
Getting sore just from lifting a basket full of wine bottles.

I used to work in a lumber yard for chrissakes.

Out of shape as FUQ.
I also lack upper body strength. It sucks.
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Nausea
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Re: Shit we hate:

Post by Nausea »

Birds shitting all over my car after I washed it a few days earlier.

Unfortunately, my work parking space is right under a tree.
Oh God, my grandmother would kill me.

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Badfellow
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Re: Shit we hate:

Post by Badfellow »

Nausea wrote:
Tue Feb 25, 2020 3:51 pm
Birds shitting all over my car after I washed it a few days earlier.

Unfortunately, my work parking space is right under a tree.
If I were a bird, I would tell all the other birds the exact morning just after you washed your car. Then we would all get together, have a good shit and a chirp, and wait for you to wash your car again.
ພາສາລາວNONE GENUINE WITHOUT MY SIGNATUREພາສາລາວ

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Badfellow
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Re: Shit we hate:

Post by Badfellow »

I don't really mean the above.

Seriously though, get a $20 tarp you can keep in your trunk that will save the exterior from any major guano bombardments.
ພາສາລາວNONE GENUINE WITHOUT MY SIGNATUREພາສາລາວ

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Nausea
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Re: Shit we hate:

Post by Nausea »

Badfellow wrote:
Tue Feb 25, 2020 5:21 pm
Seriously though, get a $20 tarp you can keep in your trunk that will save the exterior from any major guano bombardments.
But then I'll have to de-shittify an overly-shattted-upon tarp every once in a while.

Do you really think that this a solution, you sick bastard?
Oh God, my grandmother would kill me.

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scream ale
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Re: Shit we hate:

Post by scream ale »

Maybe chop down the tree? That'll teach nature to fuck with your car.

You could also embrace the splatter. Paint your car as if it were entirely covered in bird shit.
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Nausea
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Re: Shit we hate:

Post by Nausea »

scream ale wrote:
Tue Feb 25, 2020 6:15 pm
Maybe chop down the tree? That'll teach nature to fuck with your car.

You could also embrace the splatter. Paint your car as if it were entirely covered in bird shit.
Ah but the tree: 'Tiz a large one. And it weaneth over thine establishment with authority.

Chopping it down? Nay, a hazard more than theine simple bird shite. We msut say NAY!
Oh God, my grandmother would kill me.

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Badfellow
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Re: Shit we hate:

Post by Badfellow »

Nausea wrote:
Tue Feb 25, 2020 6:36 pm
scream ale wrote:
Tue Feb 25, 2020 6:15 pm
Maybe chop down the tree? That'll teach nature to fuck with your car.

You could also embrace the splatter. Paint your car as if it were entirely covered in bird shit.
Ah but the tree: 'Tiz a large one. And it weaneth over thine establishment with authority.

Chopping it down? Nay, a hazard more than theine simple bird shite. We msut say NAY!
Chop down? What are ye all bunch of wooly woodsman and reenactors? Are ye chopping trees for your D&D club bonfire?

In this modern age of whiskey, we have chainsaws for that kind of shit, along with hydraulic log splitters and plenty of electric powered GE miniguns to kill all the offending, poop-launching avians.

BRRRRRRRRRRRAP!

Joker- "How can you just shoot birds like that?"

Nausea- "Easy. I love my car and my whiskey more than I love pigeons, you dumbass."
ພາສາລາວNONE GENUINE WITHOUT MY SIGNATUREພາສາລາວ

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mistah willies
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Re: Shit we hate:

Post by mistah willies »

^ ^ ^

HA!

Used to feed the crows but now I've moved to an old brick school house that resembles the firehouse form Ghostbusters.

What I hate os that I do all of the shoveling so my Lady don't slip and fall and injure herself. Then I go back to DC for a brief thing with EPA,
come back, and no one shoveled. Five other tenants in this place can't grab a shovel on the granite steps.

Yup. I live with lazy young men about this place. Boys.

Wife slipped, fell, broke both bones in her left forearm near the wrist.

I hate laziness so much that I went and spoke to them each one at a time. Quietly. Outside their door.

Ba-tards. No exscuse.


Yeha, I hate things now and then.

Luckily, no surgery indicated. After the swellign went down and they X-rayed her arm: just a cast.

I asked them if they had chrome color for the fiberglass, ya know, to make he rlook like a Cyborg.

Nope. She got dark purple.


So there's that at least.

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