Places not to get coffee

That's right. You can put them right here.

Moderators: Badfellow, Mr Boozificator, Artful Drunktective, mistah willies, NYDingbat, Judge, oettinger, Oggar

User avatar
Badfellow
Ripped Like Reed
Ripped Like Reed
Posts: 8182
Joined: Tue Oct 04, 2005 3:05 pm
Location: Inside the Ethyl Molecule

Places not to get coffee

Post by Badfellow » Tue Dec 05, 2017 3:03 pm

Here's a tip: don't wander into an Islamic cultural center looking for free coffee after you've been to the bar. The Muslims will not share their coffee with drunken infidels. Must be good stuff.


Another place not to get coffee is at the Flying J truck stop and lot lizard refuge off the I-80 exit in Taintville, IA. It's a great place to get full blown AIDS, but the coffee is more skanky than a Berlin whore humping on a musty Harpo Marx doll. Dirty dish water laced with biker crank and butt mud about sums it up.

Also, Starbucks sucks. It's only a matter of time before all the latte lemmings decide to take the plunge together and jump off a cliff into the brackish seas of their own moribund making. Overpriced dregs and film-flam barrista parlor tricks. Pffffffft, indeed.








Oh coffee, you great jezebel of our times, dance with lady liquor in my cup and open wide my mind's eye.
ພາສາລາວNONE GENUINE WITHOUT MY SIGNATUREພາສາລາວ

User avatar
oldsmartskunk
Inebriate Savant
Inebriate Savant
Posts: 750
Joined: Wed Jun 25, 2014 4:07 am

Re: Places not to get coffee

Post by oldsmartskunk » Wed Dec 06, 2017 5:47 pm

Just make it yourself you lazy prick!

User avatar
mistah willies
Drinking Like W.C.
Drinking Like W.C.
Posts: 6344
Joined: Wed Jan 16, 2013 9:48 pm
Location: A ship upon the vast ocean of the Mighty MDM
Contact:

Re: Places not to get coffee

Post by mistah willies » Thu Dec 07, 2017 4:28 am

"....humping away on a musty Harpo Marx doll..."

Friggin laughing at the entire entry

User avatar
Dear Booze
King Cockeyed
King Cockeyed
Posts: 1814
Joined: Thu Jun 27, 2013 11:01 pm

Re: Places not to get coffee

Post by Dear Booze » Thu Dec 07, 2017 7:42 am

Adds a whole new twist on the "I take my coffee the same as my women" routine...

Black, full of crank, and from a truck stop.
Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Give a drunk man tortilla chips, Velveeta and a hair dryer and he has nachos.

User avatar
Badfellow
Ripped Like Reed
Ripped Like Reed
Posts: 8182
Joined: Tue Oct 04, 2005 3:05 pm
Location: Inside the Ethyl Molecule

Formal Legalities

Post by Badfellow » Thu Dec 07, 2017 5:35 pm

Just to be clear, the Harpo Marx doll is of the inflatable variety, and in the case of a waterborne landing, can also be used as non-USCG approved flotation/flirtation device.






That being said...


The fact that my client added genuine faux Muppet crotch fur and a blonde wig to the doll prior to the alleged crime, may it please the court, is immaterial and should be disregarded as evidence by the jury.

Furthermore, cup of coffee please and may it please the court, the accusatory nature of said plaintiff blow-up doll has demonstrated a willful and malicious pattern of preying upon sexually inadequate "men" of mixed Teutonic descent, especially those who are prone to drink too much chablis and display their prawn sized genitalia as part of some perverse, ungodly form of courting ritual.

No, an accusation in itself is not fact.

Is my client guilty? Probably. But I dare you to prove it. I rest my case, and I need to take a piss.
ພາສາລາວNONE GENUINE WITHOUT MY SIGNATUREພາສາລາວ

User avatar
Artful Drunktective
Drunker Than God
Drunker Than God
Posts: 2321
Joined: Mon Mar 16, 2015 1:00 pm
Location: Yautja Prime

Re: Places not to get coffee

Post by Artful Drunktective » Sat Dec 09, 2017 6:21 am

Musty dusty rusty crusty non-lusty non-busty ginger-nut Harpo Marx doll. Isn't that a fellow drunkard's lover you are speaking of?
Something's got to be done. We can't go on like this.
I must have some booze. I demand to have some booze!- Withnail


Image

User avatar
Artful Drunktective
Drunker Than God
Drunker Than God
Posts: 2321
Joined: Mon Mar 16, 2015 1:00 pm
Location: Yautja Prime

Re: Formal Legalities

Post by Artful Drunktective » Sat Dec 09, 2017 6:24 am

Badfellow wrote:
Thu Dec 07, 2017 5:35 pm

Furthermore, cup of coffee please and may it please the court, the accusatory nature of said plaintiff blow-up doll has demonstrated a willful and malicious pattern of preying upon sexually inadequate "men" of mixed Teutonic descent, especially those who are prone to drink too much chablis and display their prawn sized genitalia as part of some perverse, ungodly form of courting ritual.

^ ^ ^
That being said...freaking hysterical. PRAWN SIZE GENITALIA! There ain't no ant eaters up in this piece!
Something's got to be done. We can't go on like this.
I must have some booze. I demand to have some booze!- Withnail


Image

User avatar
Badfellow
Ripped Like Reed
Ripped Like Reed
Posts: 8182
Joined: Tue Oct 04, 2005 3:05 pm
Location: Inside the Ethyl Molecule

Re: Places not to get coffee

Post by Badfellow » Sat Dec 09, 2017 11:53 am

Artful Detective wrote:
Sat Dec 09, 2017 6:21 am
Musty dusty rusty crusty non-lusty non-busty ginger-nut Harpo Marx doll. Isn't that a fellow drunkard's lover you are speaking of?
These allegations are entirely unproven and completely false, except for in some ambiguous circumstances where certain truths may or may not apply.

And lookie-loo here, young lady. Bursting into the room and swinging your Harpo Marx doll around like a feral cavewoman on PCP is simply over the line.

OVER THE LINE!

Did you learn this sort of behavior from one of your roundhouse-kicking, Malibu-guzzling, rug-urinating nihilistic friends?
ພາສາລາວNONE GENUINE WITHOUT MY SIGNATUREພາສາລາວ

User avatar
Artful Drunktective
Drunker Than God
Drunker Than God
Posts: 2321
Joined: Mon Mar 16, 2015 1:00 pm
Location: Yautja Prime

Re: Places not to get coffee

Post by Artful Drunktective » Thu Dec 14, 2017 7:27 pm

Badfellow wrote:
Sat Dec 09, 2017 11:53 am
Artful Detective wrote:
Sat Dec 09, 2017 6:21 am
Musty dusty rusty crusty non-lusty non-busty ginger-nut Harpo Marx doll. Isn't that a fellow drunkard's lover you are speaking of?
And lookie-loo here, young lady. Bursting into the room and swinging your Harpo Marx doll around like a feral cavewoman on PCP is simply over the line.

OVER THE LINE!

Did you learn this sort of behavior from one of your roundhouse-kicking, Malibu-guzzling, rug-urinating nihilistic friends?
Whatchu talkin' about Willis? I taught those nihilistic sluts how to roundhouse kick and guzzle booze. The rug micturating however is over the line as my rugs really tie the room together and I'd prefer to keep them urine free.

Boy this thread turned way off topic rather quickly. To answer the original post...my answer would be Starbucks. Too hipster. Completely overpriced and overrated. I have an active Starbucks embargo in effect.
Something's got to be done. We can't go on like this.
I must have some booze. I demand to have some booze!- Withnail


Image

User avatar
Badfellow
Ripped Like Reed
Ripped Like Reed
Posts: 8182
Joined: Tue Oct 04, 2005 3:05 pm
Location: Inside the Ethyl Molecule

Places to definitely get coffee

Post by Badfellow » Wed Dec 20, 2017 2:08 pm

Starbucks embargo, on.


Concerning places to definitely get coffee, there's a little shop in the hood ran by Ethiopians where the coffee is strong-diggidy-bomb and frothy. And they seem to have a bit of an Italian colonial influence going on where they like to cut it with cream and sugar. Not me. I like it strong and black. Just like my female bodyguards.
ພາສາລາວNONE GENUINE WITHOUT MY SIGNATUREພາສາລາວ

User avatar
ThirstyDrunk
Juicing Like Jackie
Juicing Like Jackie
Posts: 12210
Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2006 10:35 pm
Location: Xenia

Re: Places not to get coffee

Post by ThirstyDrunk » Fri Dec 22, 2017 12:27 pm

A wastewater treatment plant.
To be fair, I'm drunker than you.

User avatar
Patchez
Chugging Like Churchill
Chugging Like Churchill
Posts: 5201
Joined: Sat Feb 06, 2010 6:41 pm
Location: South Central, PA

Re: Places not to get coffee

Post by Patchez » Fri Dec 22, 2017 10:24 pm

AA meetings.
Now you're ready for some anti-dry-otics!-BeerMakesMeSmarter

If worms had daggers, birds wouldn't fuck with them-Todd Snider

Blackout and be extraordinary-Absinthe of Malice

User avatar
Artful Drunktective
Drunker Than God
Drunker Than God
Posts: 2321
Joined: Mon Mar 16, 2015 1:00 pm
Location: Yautja Prime

Re: Places not to get coffee

Post by Artful Drunktective » Fri Dec 22, 2017 11:22 pm

In an alley way behind a Chevron gas station.
Something's got to be done. We can't go on like this.
I must have some booze. I demand to have some booze!- Withnail


Image

User avatar
oettinger
Ripped Like Reed
Ripped Like Reed
Posts: 9554
Joined: Sun Nov 10, 2013 10:23 am

Re: Places not to get coffee

Post by oettinger » Sat Dec 23, 2017 8:39 am

McDonalds
I do not remember posting that ^^^
Image

User avatar
waahoohah
Chugging Like Churchill
Chugging Like Churchill
Posts: 5968
Joined: Sat Jul 15, 2006 10:08 pm
Location: http://mediad.publicbroadcasting.net/p/ ... a_flag.png

Re: Places not to get coffee

Post by waahoohah » Sat Dec 23, 2017 6:33 pm

We have a Nutri-Matic drinks dispenser at my new job. It's wonderful.
Every time I walk up to the thing and press the button for 'coffee', it extends invisible probes, made from alien alloy, that check my mood, blood pressure, past experiences, current attitude, and compiles all this data into a flavor profile that is custom designed to go down well.
Nobody knows why it does this, because every damn time, it invariably produces a hot dark brown liquid that is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike coffee.
Oh, that? Yeah, I did that, it's my fault. I'm sorry.

Post Reply