You all seem to be missing the point: Keanu Reeves is the emu haired anti-anti-anti-anti-anti-anti-anti-P'Chaah. I created this bullshit religion, and let me just say that the Great P'Chaah is, like, totally and most displeased with your bogus renderings of the faith. Amen.
Whutchu talkin' about Willis? I find that most odious. Keanu INVENTED the Great P'Chaah. He is unrivaled, Dude.
I ascribe to the cult of P'Chaah. We need to cultivate this concept into the culture. Perhaps a retreat?
For the inner circle? But of course.
As for the "dupes and suckers", they'll have to make themselves content with the Motel 6 and our fabulous P'Chaah themed amusement park and casino in the mildewed heart of Okeechobee, Florida. All the advertising and promotional material is written by Dear Booze, so you know the shit is gonna be way slick. That guy could sell a monster truck to Ed Begley Jr.
We also took out a full paged ad in Overweight Housewife Digest, playing upon the emuesque good-looks and dumbass appeal of Mr. Keanu Reeves to elicit donations from fat, horny women.