Chef Boyardee and other canned stuff

That's right. You can put them right here.

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Re: chef boyardee chicken alfredo

Post by Artful Drunktective »

The spaghetti and the ravioli are fked up and yet, I still will grind on that in desperate times, no lie.
"Something's got to be done. We can't go on like this.
I must have some booze".


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Re: chef boyardee chicken alfredo

Post by Badfellow »

The ravioli is made from shredded newspaper and Mexican donkey meat.
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Re: chef boyardee chicken alfredo

Post by oettinger »

I got some, no all, of the cream in my mustache.




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Re: chef boyardee chicken alfredo

Post by scream ale »

mistah willies wrote:
Sat Jun 30, 2018 11:35 am
scream ale wrote:
Sat Jun 30, 2018 11:32 am
Chef Boyardee?
...Fucking spaghetti!!!
Mind the edges. That can will really fuck up a member.
Being gentle is key.
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Re: chef boyardee chicken alfredo

Post by Badfellow »

Chef-Boyardee-o
Make-a-you alfredo
He's a fascioso
Just-a like Mussolini-o
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Re: chef boyardee chicken alfredo

Post by Badfellow »

oettinger wrote:
Sat Jun 30, 2018 5:40 pm
I got some, no all, of the cream in my mustache.
That's quite a foamy glass of beer you got there, buddy boy.
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Boyardee Exposed

Post by Badfellow »

Most of us are familiar with the story of Chef Boyardee and his emigration to America shortly after WWII. Lesser known of the famous chef are his exploits in Italy under the fascist regime of dictator Benito Mussolini, namely his participation in a number of clandestine activities and atrocities. Of course, by late 1943 there were rumors that Boyardee had been coopted by the Allied OSS intelligence services and was working in collusion with Sicilian mobster "Lucky" Lucciano. In these days he was known as "Butcher" Boyardee and was said to have participated in at least a dozen sanctioned hits.

Mussolini's OVRA finally managed to track down Boyardee in 1944, but by this time the opinion of the Italian spaghetti eating public had turned sharply against the dictator while Boyardee was extracted by Allied submarine and sent to Bletchley Park in England for a lengthy debriefing.
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Re: Boyardee Exposed

Post by mistah willies »

Badfellow wrote:
Mon Jul 02, 2018 11:56 am
Most of us are familiar with the story of Chef Boyardee and his emigration to America shortly after WWII. Lesser known of the famous chef are his exploits in Italy under the fascist regime of dictator Benito Mussolini, namely his participation in a number of clandestine activities and atrocities. Of course, by late 1943 there were rumors that Boyardee had been coopted by the Allied OSS intelligence services and was working in collusion with Sicilian mobster "Lucky" Lucciano. In these days he was known as "Butcher" Boyardee and was said to have participated in at least a dozen sanctioned hits.

Mussolini's OVRA finally managed to track down Boyardee in 1944, but by this time the opinion of the Italian spaghetti eating public had turned sharply against the dictator while Boyardee was extracted by Allied submarine and sent to Bletchley Park in England for a lengthy debriefing.
It was rumored during a Barbara Walters high level security investigation that The Butcher got rid of several bodies with various recipes, and then he'd preserve them and feed them back to his enemies, a can at a time.

Somehow, the Interpol and MI4 back in the day never did recover thousands of cans containing miniscule chunks of the body parts. MI4 (formerly, Photographic Unit Developers) arrived at the funding that unfortunately, the rarest cans were the worst things to eat. Those were made from a special white sauce of sorts, thickened with finely ground toe nails, and they contained the spongy flesh and gristle from certain male anatomical parts.

To this day, those cans are still out there. An underground Urban myth purports that eating the contents of such a container will make the consumer experience hallucinations of a degree and duration that may last two lifetimes.

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Re: chef boyardee chicken alfredo

Post by Badfellow »

Then in 1948, Chef Guido Boyardee was moved by his handlers to the Little Italy neighborhood of Boston where he operated a restaurant called The Greasy Meatball and in his spare time took courses in pornographic studies at the local community college. However, conflicts with Irish mobsters and a large gambling debt forced his relocation to the then burgeoning paradise of sunlit Pasadena, California where he fucked up again and then subsequently moved to New Orleans, where, yet again he fucked up before finally settling in a seedy industrial park off the Jersey Turnpike. Here, under the stern eye of his new bride Carrie Nation Boyardee, the great chef found the prerequisite time and focus to concentrate on his recipes while secretly ferreting out in the night for liquoring and whoring.

Carrie Nation Boyardee committed suicide by hatchet in 1949 after learning of her husband's affair with an 86 year old cocktail waitress from Hoboken, NJ named Gladys Lipshitz. Incidentally, Chef Boyardee "Beef" Ravioli was released the same year.
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Re: chef boyardee chicken alfredo

Post by mistah willies »

It became clear that "The Chef" would not be thwarted.

He persevered in his pasta fasciola propaganda with his first television brain washing attempt, here.

After three fuck-ups, he understood his true capacity: crop circles. Through knowledge lying dormant in the DNA coding of his alien brain, he began to code the imprints into tiny circles of pasta. This concoction was kept from activating via the use of tin cans. Once opened and activated via thermal energy, the only protection from the emanating alien radio signal of the consumer's brain was by wearing the tin can on the head.

That was why tinfoil hats were invented. It stemmed from the movie Wizard of Oz.

There in lies the secret.

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Re: chef boyardee chicken alfredo

Post by Badfellow »

All glory to the Boyardee Toad Flavored Ravioli was the battle croak of the 1950's (anno Micheal Foxicum, sans Back To The Flux Capacitor) until Barlon Marando showed up on the scene and told your neighborhood IHOP soda fountain where the wild one's truly be at.
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Re: chef boyardee chicken alfredo

Post by mistah willies »

The toad flavored ravioli proved to be a big seller, but no one knew that it was created by by Orson Welles and Barlon "Ol' Barley" Marlando Calrisian as punishment for Boyardee having married that Carrie Nation Boyardee in the first place. While no one to this day disputes her passion in performing suicide (autopsy reports revealed that in her own self hatred, she had cast herself down the cellar stairs three times before swinging the hatchet twenty-two times into her back and cranium, sometimes switching hands and causing self-inflicted defense wounds on each hand, alternately) some speculation remained that her motives belied her idolization of Lizzie Bordenardee.

Her body was exhumed to stand trial for her suicide but after a mistrial and subsequent miscarriages and abortions of justice, she was acquitted posthumously and then flung down the the stairs two more times for good measure before being returned to the semi-final resting place.

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Re: chef boyardee chicken alfredo

Post by Badfellow »

And here we see an example of pro Chef Boyardee propaganda as aired by the National Geographics Channel in 2016. To what lows will these people stoop?
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Re: chef boyardee chicken alfredo

Post by mistah willies »

Badfellow wrote:
Tue Jul 03, 2018 12:18 pm
And here we see an example of pro Chef Boyardee propaganda as aired by the National Geographics Channel in 2016. To what lows will these people stoop?
Indeed.

Propagandist Boy-Hard-eee
Lied
on his death bed
and wondered if
redemption was a separation, or a salvation?

Did he hope for forgiveness for his evil transgressions?

Did he wonder it there was glory in being ugly to the masses?

Or was there something more...


Perhaps it was simply recognition for the dark things he'd attempted, failing each time, but persevering for some unusual ideal?

Some things might never be known.

It will always be interesting to recover a truth that seems now to be lost in the anals of pain, misery, mystery, and death bed reception and redemption.

One wonders what powerful brain work could have existed.

Oh well.

Time to drink. To The Judge of us all.

Dinner awaits, and copious amounts of bourbon and also smoked ribs from the back yard.

Chug to The Badfellow, yup.

Yessah.

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Re: chef boyardee chicken alfredo

Post by Patchez »

He also was reported to have some "spicy a meatballs".
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