Drunkard Injuries

Remember what happened last night? Good. Now tell the world.

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Grace O'Malley
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by Grace O'Malley »

I'm drinking now, just so you know.

Okay, this is the story of the worst drunk I've ever been on. It may have been what caused my divorce, along with other things that weren't my fault. An injury was involved.

I had an appt. to get a possible skin cancer checked. Grip and I have known each other for about since about '06, and have gone drinking together a few times. He's the best, plain and simple.
That day, seeing as it was possibly cancer, I needed some relief from life, and we had lunch together. Grip is a good person to ignore life with.
I had wine at his apt., more wine, I think some spirits of some kind at lunch. A very good time was had by all.

I got on the bus and after crossing the Columbia River, I passed by Huber's, an icon in Portland. Known for its killer Spanish Coffees, which I can attest to. I decided I needed one, and had two.

Got to a Fred Meyers (Krogers) after that and threw up in the restroom, also landed some in a purse I really liked. I called my husband (now my ex), he picked me up. I sort of fell out of the car and twisted my foot. It hurt for months afterward.

Now you know.

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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by aladamapee »

Amazing & more exactly heart shaking stories or drinking side effect real event, which will not only amuse ourselves but also imparting a lesson that "Drinking is rightly prohibited in all civilized world & heavenly religions"
So we should abstain from drinking;-]

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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by Veen »

Lastnight was karaoke night. Normally I try to maintain control on these nights, just because I actually like the place and don't want to cause a bunch of trouble for us all. Apparently, when drinking on an empty stomach, this simply becomes an impossibility for me. Apparently, this place also doesn't realize that being cut off just means I'm going to get my loyal and arguably irresponsible friends to go get my drinks for me instead. You'd think the bastards would know me better than that by now.

Closing time comes and I get woken up from my nap with the bartender yelling at me. She insists I get out from under her table and get a cab. I have no money, so that's not an option. She also says she's going to follow me to the parking lot and call the cops if I even look twice at my car. I inform her there's no way in hell I'm paying for a cab, but also no way in hell I'm driving. (I may be a shameless drunkard, but I'm at least partly responsible about it!) Talking with another woman that was there, she suggested I just have my friend Joel take me back to his place until I undrunk up in the morning. I shoot the shit with her a bit, make horrible attempts at hitting on her, and she eventually politely informs us that we should leave the premises since they have to close. Yep, totally making drunken passes at the manager of the joint. Night's going GREAT!

Almost immediately after leaving the parking lot in my friend's truck he starts to vomit. So now we're doing 80mph down the freeway while my friend is spraying the steering wheel, seat, floorboard, instrument cluster, and windshield with puke. And they said it was ME that wasn't good to drive. Somehow, we finally get back to his place without dying or murdering anybody. He immediately proceeds to disrobe for no discernable reason, pisses in a plant, and crashes out in the shower with the cold water running. After I took a nap for an hour he was still entirely out of it. I just decided to say screw it and walk the 3 miles back to my car.

This normally would have been a very simple task. However, his apartment complex is one of those types that require badge access to do so much as walk down a flight of stairs. There are little green "EXIT" buttons that are supposed to let you out in case of emergency, but those weren't working. After spending 45 minutes wandering around trying to find an open door, I finally found an exit plan. The parking garage had places overlooking street level, but the doors leading to the garage were all locked. I found one hallway just below someone's balcony overlooking the swimming pool. Over the swimming pool was some sort of wood archway structure type thing, and it butted up against the parking garage. It was perfect, no way could this fail!

So like a drunken ninja, I managed to jump up onto the balcony. Taking another leap I somehow miraculously hit the archway. Another running leap over to the parking garage and I managed to lift myself up. By now I figured I had to be home free. However, since my last visit, they had installed chain link grating over the first two stories of the parking garage. And the exit gate, of course, was also fucked up and not working. Fuck.

At this point I figure if I've already been leaping around like a kung fu action star, I can totally pull another stunt and climb down the garage. I mean Hell, I was practically Jackie Chan back there! While the first two levels had the grating in place, everything else was open air. In addition to that, the side of the garage had a bunch of decorative type work on the corners, so it was only a matter of shimmying over to one of the corners and descending that. There were tons of hand and footholds. I don't think I've even seen a climbing wall that easy. I crawled out over the ledge, started over, and grabbed onto the first handhold. This handhold proceeded to break right off in my hand and I proceeded to realize that I was now two stories up, with precisely nothing holding me up at that moment.

I used to wonder why all those Wile E. Coyote cartoons had that gag where he'd run off a ledge and hover there until he looked down. I swear, that actually happens. I realized I was suddenly dead out of luck, and I even had time to contemplate that Wile E. Coyote thought. And what do I do? I look down because I am an idiot. Needless to say, I start falling. Two stories down I crater into the sidewalk next to some woman walking her dog. From the look on her face I think she damn near shit herself. I didn't even bother moving at that point. It was too much work. Besides, there's no reason you can't have a perfectly good conversation with someone while sprawled out over a nice cool sidewalk with a pitbull sniffing and drooling over you.

"Oh my god! You just fell out of that building! Are you okay?!"
"Yeah. It happens."
"It happens?! I thought you just dropped out of the sky! That doesn't 'just happen!'"
"Well it sure as Hell does today, lady. Okay?"
"Should I call an ambulance or something? I mean... can I do anything?"
"Nah, I'm cool. Unless you got a cigarette, I could totally go for one after that."
"No, I don't smoke. Sorry. Um.... take care."
"Stay safe!"

After she started nervously shuffling away, I got up and tried to walk. Everything was fine, except my left ankle really hurt to put weight on, though it was still at least somewhat functional. Probably a classic sprain. I finally just said screw it and called up another friend to get me and my car. I had done my part for the night, there's no shame in calling in reinforcements when you really need it, right?

"Hey, Veen. What's up?"
"Nick. Buddy. Long story. I got a handle of Sailor Jerry at my place if you and Greg pick me up."



So that was my night. Now I'm considering breaking out the crutches and bandages and totally cheesing free drinks from everyone tonight. Still not sure if that's a good idea or not though.

Mayhem
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by Mayhem »

Yeah, lots, but the worst one was........

The very tailend of Invasion III, when only two remained, Ruiner and Crystal. Through drunkard time-keeping Crystal missed her flight and needed to stay an extra day, and Ruiner wasn't going to be leaving until the next day, so they hung out at my place for the evening. It was the first time all Invasion that I didn't have to ferry folks back and forth to places, so I gave myself opportunity to drink heavily, Beer and OW 107, I think, among other things. The night wore on, and the Wander Twins were on the computer, looking at Youtube stuff, and I was drinking heavily, as I already stated. After a bit I toddled to my bedroom to have a bit of a lie-down, and I tripped over my size 12 feet. I stumbled, and promptly fell with full force on my nightstand. I gurgled something like "help" but those two had the computer volume high and they were also deafened by the love that was unhatching, so no one heard me. I recall that I laid on the floor, looking up, and saying to myself "this is nice". After a minute or an hour, probably more an hour, I decided to get up and try to get in to bed. While I was attempting this difficult task I realized the pain in my side.
Long story short is that I broke two ribs, and those two are married with a kid now.
Drink your fucking drink, how about that? Stop the fuckin' presses, isn't it genius??
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greygoose
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by greygoose »

Mayhem wrote:Long story short is that I broke two ribs, and those two are married with a kid now.
your ribs. so you've got, like, riblets?
why is my moral compass always pointed east? that's the direction of the nearest liquor store.

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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by Mayhem »

greygoose wrote:
Mayhem wrote:Long story short is that I broke two ribs, and those two are married with a kid now.
your ribs. so you've got, like, riblets?
I see what you did there, Goosebag. The "those two" I was referring to are Ruiner and Crystal.
Drink your fucking drink, how about that? Stop the fuckin' presses, isn't it genius??
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by TheSaturatedMan »

1991
South Australia, Adelaide.
Flinders University.
Subject: Advanced Tavernology II (Those who were there nod sagely)
English Lit? Nah. Vodka Jelliyshots and Depthchargers (Beer & Drambuie)
My Alternative Crew find a mostly-undrunk brother. All of a sudden, its Rally Time 'round the ring Road (rings the Uni complex, ~ 2.5 clicks)
Oh Yeah- it's bonnet riding time!
2nd circuit (lotta turns), fingers wedged in the grill before the windshield wipers, screaming like a Banshee (a male Banshee...) The security arrives and gives chase with their little yellow hazard lights a-circlin'
I turn to SirMark next to me and say 'Follow my lead! By ten seconds!' to which he affirms.
The car's doing sixty k's with the Truppen on our tail so I yell to Catch our driver 'Drop it a few, we're bailing!' We're coming up fast on a drop to to the left that leads to Flinders Medical Centre (how appropriate, right?)
and she slows fourty five or so. Off I go partial leap and a shoulder tuck, six feet out and seven feet down. A few lessons of Aikido in the Gym Hall had taught me to tuck, and tuck I did, dissappearing down the hill like a poorly rolled ball.
SIrMark did as well without the training, instead running the axis of his body in a more classic roll down the hill.
Catch gunned the car and drove off like she stole it. Security wasn't interested once she hit the Uni limits.
SirMark? a scratched nose grinding our native cooch grass.
Me? A four and a half foot bruise, all the colours of the rainbow in an elegant stripe from my hip to my shoulder. You could bloody pick out my muscle groups by colour alone!
Catch put me on a rigorous regimen of alcohol to give me energy levels to heal. And here I am today...
To be honest I still can't feel a thing.

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Bur
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by Bur »

I once jumped off of some 15 feet height, but that was just because I was undrunk for second week in row and bored. Also it didn't actually go just as planned because under the layer of soft snow there was layer of ice. I broke some stuff from my foot and fucked up my shoulder as well while tumbling sideways.

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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by Shane-O-Matic »

Woke up with a bloodied forehead this morning. After so many White Russians, I must've wanted to be Gorbachev.

It was a good night.

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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by beerkegbilly »

I woke up with sprained ankle knee fingers. bite marks lipstick marks around bite marks does that count
skinned knuckles to many drunk rowdy nights USMC and after.

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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by JimLahey »

After about 12 whiskeys at a local dive I thought it was a good idea to hang upside down from a soccer goal post. So far so good. Then I decided to do it with only one leg. Slipped down and crashed on my head/shoulder, woke up with a really wicked bruise and a headache.

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Surreal
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by Surreal »

Mayhem wrote:Yeah, lots, but the worst one was........

The very tailend of Invasion III, when only two remained, Ruiner and Crystal. Through drunkard time-keeping Crystal missed her flight and needed to stay an extra day, and Ruiner wasn't going to be leaving until the next day, so they hung out at my place for the evening. It was the first time all Invasion that I didn't have to ferry folks back and forth to places, so I gave myself opportunity to drink heavily, Beer and OW 107, I think, among other things. The night wore on, and the Wander Twins were on the computer, looking at Youtube stuff, and I was drinking heavily, as I already stated. After a bit I toddled to my bedroom to have a bit of a lie-down, and I tripped over my size 12 feet. I stumbled, and promptly fell with full force on my nightstand. I gurgled something like "help" but those two had the computer volume high and they were also deafened by the love that was unhatching, so no one heard me. I recall that I laid on the floor, looking up, and saying to myself "this is nice". After a minute or an hour, probably more an hour, I decided to get up and try to get in to bed. While I was attempting this difficult task I realized the pain in my side.
Long story short is that I broke two ribs, and those two are married with a kid now.
I think you have a worse story. Quit holding back.
fuck em man, it ain't easy walkin the righteous path.
- Hoss

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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by Two Hearted »

Sissies, the bunch of ya.
The cabin sits shut-down, cold-frozen and empty, dead mice in the traps, waiting for me to drink alone there in the dark.
--Smatter

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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by Surreal »

She's right. I seen her do a triple lindy out the backside of a yooper campfire into a stand of hemlock and she didn't even bat an eye.

The duck? well, he didn't do so well..... kinda cranky.
fuck em man, it ain't easy walkin the righteous path.
- Hoss

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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by Two Hearted »

Surreal wrote:She's right. I seen her do a triple lindy out the backside of a yooper campfire into a stand of hemlock and she didn't even bat an eye.

The duck? well, he didn't do so well..... kinda cranky.

The Cranky Neck?!
Yeah the ducks didn't do so well. (soooo tasty though!)

Me? Nope, at least of last weekend, I didn't do so well either. Bonfire goodness. Although it was much better than the cranky-neck. No batting eyes here.

Just don't tell me of your drunken "scratches", everyone.
Don't make me break out my injuries.
The cabin sits shut-down, cold-frozen and empty, dead mice in the traps, waiting for me to drink alone there in the dark.
--Smatter

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