Drunkard Injuries

Remember what happened last night? Good. Now tell the world.

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DeeboCools
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by DeeboCools »

beerkegbilly wrote:Last week I burn my eye taking my dog out to piss my smoke fell out of my mouth hit my leash and landed in my eye burning my eyelashes off and a little burn on the corner of the eye I dog war not hurt in the almost blinding of beerkegbilly
hilarious. Also, as a smoker remember not to smoke while sleepy. My dad's almost burned the house down twice, and he wasn't even loaded
"S0briety diminishes, discriminates, and says no; drunkenness expands, unites, and says yes." -William James

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eli
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by eli »

Not really an injury......

Middle of January, woke up one Sunday morning, laying in the middle of ditch filled with water with an empty Bulleit bottle in my coat pocket. Nice case of pneumonia from that little venture.
Nebulous metaphorical weapons are fine and dandy objects for inclusion in a weekly dose of morality tales, but if you want a "rod and staff" that will provide you with genuine comfort, I'd recommend a 1911.

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Miklo
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by Miklo »

worst injury to date, i still fucking hurt. after about 2 and 1/2 1.5 ltr bottles of wine i thought i could ride my friends dirt bike. i popped a wheelie and flew down the street, when i reached the corner i took it to fast/slipped on some dirt on the asphalt. slid the bike and rolled down the street. given the circumstances it could have been alot worse, but i ended up with a little road rash on both hands, a couple on my back, and on my knee. i got a sore back and sore leg. i will be drinking the pain away as soon as i get home, if i can hold my glass, because my dumb ass still came into work today. this shit hurts like a mother fucker.
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mcphargus
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by mcphargus »

Something about a quiet chain bar makes me happy. They generally aren't used to a stupid loud drunk at Ruby Tuesdays in my neighborhood. Toward the end of the evening, we were loud enough to be asked to leave, which lead to a peaceful demonstration and lots of screaming about how the US judicial system has roundly rejected prior restraint. To which end, we were permitted to finish our beer/gin/whiskey before leaving.

I'm lighting a cigarette when I notice the curb wasn't where I left it when I came in. The pavement welcomed my face with a pebbly smile. My cigarette ran for cover. Upon impact, my first priority was to find the cigarette. Already being on the ground, I rolled to the cigarette and rescued her with my teeth.

My loyal cohort turned as I shakily rose and with the greatest concern, queried: "Did I just fuckin' miss that?!"
Do what you want with the girl, but leave the monkey alone.

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DeeboCools
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by DeeboCools »

mcphargus wrote:Something about a quiet chain bar makes me happy. They generally aren't used to a stupid loud drunk at Ruby Tuesdays in my neighborhood. Toward the end of the evening, we were loud enough to be asked to leave, which lead to a peaceful demonstration and lots of screaming about how the US judicial system has roundly rejected prior restraint. To which end, we were permitted to finish our beer/gin/whiskey before leaving.

I'm lighting a cigarette when I notice the curb wasn't where I left it when I came in. The pavement welcomed my face with a pebbly smile. My cigarette ran for cover. Upon impact, my first priority was to find the cigarette. Already being on the ground, I rolled to the cigarette and rescued her with my teeth.

My loyal cohort turned as I shakily rose and with the greatest concern, queried: "Did I just fuckin' miss that?!"
I lol'd.
"S0briety diminishes, discriminates, and says no; drunkenness expands, unites, and says yes." -William James

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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by Oggar »

Missing half a tooth from MassCon, no idea what happened to it. Perhaps trying to open a bottle but, who knows? Good times.
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But if he came in here tonight, I'd drink him under the table -Ronny Elliott

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WolfOfTheWest
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by WolfOfTheWest »

Too many to count. A short list of the best?

1: Jumped off a bridge into a river. I didn't know the river was only 3 feet deep, and I didn't know the spot where I landed had an upturned shopping cart wedged in the mud at the bottom. Hello 5 broken ribs. PS, didn't go to hospital for 2 days because I thought it was just the hangover. My chest is now mishapen and half-retarded.

2: At 13 years old I drank 12 shots of Bacardi rum and had to be locked outside the house because I was such a problem. Needed to pee, tried to steady myself on the wood shed while doing my business, hand slips, face makes contact with corner of shed. Hello insanely deep and disfiguring scar across forehead.

3: Climb through barbed wire fence on way home from bar, slice arm open from elbow to wrist. Need 72 stitches when I get to hospital the next day. Jacket I was wearing the night before is in mint condition. Feel like Jesus for the rest of the week.

4: Fall down a flight of oak stairs backwards. Stay conscious, fall asleep in friend's mother's bed,wake up in a pool of my own blood. Puke in bidet, mistaking it for a toilet. Make up some excuse and leave the house as it is. Never see said friend again.
"My ambition is handicapped by laziness" — Charles Bukowski

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DeeboCools
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by DeeboCools »

Phenom wrote: 2: At 13 years old I drank 12 shots of Bacardi rum and had to be locked outside the house because I was such a problem. Needed to pee, tried to steady myself on the wood shed while doing my business, hand slips, face makes contact with corner of shed. Hello insanely deep and disfiguring scar across forehead.
HA HA! You were piss drunk at 13 years old and your parents just said "Go out and play!" That's some good shit.
"S0briety diminishes, discriminates, and says no; drunkenness expands, unites, and says yes." -William James

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Weez
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by Weez »

Jumped on a fourwheeler that coudlnt idle or else it would die. Drunk on crown and waters. An automatic so I pinned it....not used to not shifting up/down through the gear.

Little did I not remember, there were no breaks. Come into a gradual turn but can't get er' slowed down; can't gear down, can't use breaks.

smash into a tree...fly about 20 feet over the handlebars down the firt road.

jump up to rescue my friends bike, which was on its side and draining fluids. I tip it over and its still running...all is good!

until I walk around the other side....wheel is comeplety off and laying on the ground, upporting the axle....so much for that quad.

when the boys come runnin and asked what happened, a sinple "hit a tree bud" is my answer.

time to burn it...load the wheeler into the back of a truck and blow it up in an abandoned area.

Overall a successful evening...injuries? none....but mighty soar lemme tell ya
I like to drink beer and smoke Cig-a-rettes.

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Savage
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Oh, my lip hurts

Post by Savage »

Did you ever fall down, and bang the hell out of your lip, and it just won't stop bleeding? And your S/O won't shut the effing up about how you did it only on account of you're drunk and blah blah blah, and in fact, he is so drunk he couldn't tie his own shoelaces. So maybe he should shut the fuck up?
like tears in rain

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John Barleycorn
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Re: Oh, my lip hurts

Post by John Barleycorn »

The scenario you describe has never happened to me, but I have had a fat lip. Soothe it with ice, and you might as well be pouring bourbon over that ice as you soothe it.

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Re: Oh, my lip hurts

Post by Wingman »

Whine with Cheez wrote:Did you ever fall down, and bang the hell out of your lip, and it just won't stop bleeding?
not yet.
Whine with Cheez wrote: And your S/O won't shut the effing up about how you did it only on account of you're drunk and blah blah blah?
all the time.
Whine with Cheez wrote:and in fact, he is so drunk he couldn't tie his own shoelaces. So maybe he should shut the fuck up?
from time to time.


drink yer medicine.
Stupid should hurt.

"We're better than mere people, we're DRUNKARDS."
--ThirstyDrunk

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Bur
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Re: Oh, my lip hurts

Post by Bur »

I have only broken my jaw, and that too was in a punch-up with some asshole. Hope I broke as much from him before he hit the ground. And shoelaces are common problem far as I know.

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peetie44
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Re: Oh, my lip hurts

Post by peetie44 »

Drinking + stairs + open-toed/open-backed sandals = fall down go boom.
"Man i once bought $101 worth of insect candy because it was free shipping on orders over 100 bucks." -- ThirstyDrunk

"I wanted a shark high on crack dumped into a piranha tank! I wanted college AD's to pull their human faces off, then dive at each other's lizard throats!" -- waahoohah

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Bur
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Re: Oh, my lip hurts

Post by Bur »

peetie44 wrote:Drinking + stairs + open-toed/open-backed sandals = fall down go boom.
Sandals, it must be the sandals why I'm always falling all over the place during summer, now I must just figure out why it's the same in spring, winter and fall as well..

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