A Guy Walks Into A Bar..

[Smatter Noguts]

..and starts swaying back and forth on either foot.

"What the fuck are you doing?" asks the guy next to him.

"Well, I been at sea for over 6 months, and I'm just getting my land legs back."

The other guy sets down his drink, starts dry humping the bar, and says,

"Well, I've been a Lawyer for over 16 years and you don't see me doing this, do ya?"

[Wingman]

...there's a horse behind the bar, polishing a glass.

the guy just stares at him.

horse says, "whatsamatta, you never seen a horse bartending before?!?"

guy says, "no, i'm just surprised the parrot sold the place."

[JohnnyT]

and yells, "All lawyers are assholes".

Man at the end of the bar says "I object to that remark".

Guy says "Why, are you a lawyer?"

Man says "No, I'm an asshole".

[Wingman]

...with an alligator under his arm, says, "do you guys serve lawyers here?"

bartender says, "sure."

guy says, "great, i'll have a beer. and a lawyer for my alligator, here."

[DeeboCools]

and hits it.

[ThirstyDrunk]

Spilled his beer on this gay communist HAitian hemophiliac transvestite dwarf nun who had skated in with a ant on his head and an aardvark on a leash

[DeeboCools]

and says "what is this, some kind of joke?"

[Savage]

and trips over the passed-out drunk on the floor, and says, "I'll have whatever he's having."

[Wingman]

bartender says, i got a game for you. see those two steaks up on the ceiling? for a dollar, i'll loan you a dart. if you can hit a steak, you get a steak dinner on the house.

guy says, no thanks; the steaks are too high.

[Jags]

with a frog in his pocket. He takes the frog out and sits it on the bar.
A woman sitting at the bar says, "Hey buddy, what's the frog for?".
He replies, "That frog eats pussy, would you like to try it?".
She's like, "I don't think so.".


Couple of hours go by and she slurs, "hey buddy, I wanna try your frog.".
The go get a room and she strips nekid and lays on the bed. The guy takes the frog and puts it between her legs and goes and sits in the chair.
After a couple of minutes she says, "hey buddy, the frog ain't doing anything.".
The guy walks over, picks the frog up, looks him in the eyes and says, "I'm only gonna show you this one more time.".