treetop wrote:...i'm totally punching you in the dick.
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Moderators: Oggar, Badfellow, Mr Boozificator, Artful Drunktective, mistah willies, NYDingbat, oettinger, Judge
treetop wrote:...i'm totally punching you in the dick.
Lush City wrote:...A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman...
Dood! You are killing me.oettinger wrote:A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."
Have you never heard the expression, "The Devil is in the detail"?treetop wrote:super small font- you pat, you.
that's how it works, right?
An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They
were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died
before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the
American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and
nurses present asked him what happened.
"Well, " said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a
beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing
at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were
all too young to die, and that for a donation of $50, we could return to
the earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50,
and the next thing I knew I was back here."
"That's amazing!" said one of the doctors, "But what happened to the
other two?"
"Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was haggling over the
price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay for his."