Drunkard Injuries

Remember what happened last night? Good. Now tell the world.

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Bur
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by Bur » Tue Jul 22, 2014 6:07 am

oldsmartskunk wrote:I think i feel flat on my face, since it was bruised a bit.
I suggest doors. Autopilot doesn't really always calculate the time difference between roughly pulling it open and stepping forward.

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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by oldsmartskunk » Wed Jul 23, 2014 4:25 am

That or i angered the booze elf.

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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by booznik » Thu Jul 24, 2014 9:31 pm

The plastic cap on my tequila bottle just fucked itself. The inner screwcap portion that was glued into the outer big cap unglued. Trying to pry it off, I sliced a thin layer of skin off my finger in the process (drunkard injury!).

I consulted my drawer full of corks and found one that fit on the second try. A drawer full of corks can be a useful thing. It's a blood bank for booze-bottles.

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"Booznik. Smooth, classy and manatee-like." --Bur

"Oh, you've been reading your Sir Kenelm Digby, haven't you? Stick to the mead recipes, especially that of the Mayor of Moscovy. That shizz is SACK!!!" --Badfellow

"Now stop and DRINK! bastards." --mistah willies

"A stand alone place for booze is as essential for a home, as is a bed to sleep on." --Miklo

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Patchez
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by Patchez » Fri Jul 25, 2014 1:56 am

booznik wrote: A drawer full of corks can be a useful thing. It's a blood bank for booze-bottles.

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I strongly disagree. If I had those at the house I could never use the excuse "But Honey, i have to drink it all tonight. I broke the cap and don't want it all to evaporate."
Now you're ready for some anti-dry-otics!-BeerMakesMeSmarter

If worms had daggers, birds wouldn't fuck with them-Todd Snider

Blackout and be extraordinary-Absinthe of Malice

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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by Savage » Fri Jul 25, 2014 4:26 am

We have a bit of a problem. The plastic thingies on handles seem to allow leaks on countertops. When one pries off said plastic, one must remember that stated booze flows at a much faster rate. Well, first world problems, as they say.
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by oettinger » Fri Jul 25, 2014 6:31 am

Aww how cute, booznik collected all his former soothers*.



* (UK = Dummies, US= Pacifiers)
I do not remember posting that ^^^
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by booznik » Sat Jul 26, 2014 11:18 am

Patchez wrote:I strongly disagree. If I had those at the house I could never use the excuse "But Honey, i have to drink it all tonight. I broke the cap and don't want it all to evaporate."
I like the cut of your jib.
Savage wrote:...The plastic thingies on handles seem to allow leaks on countertops. When one pries off said plastic, one must remember that stated booze flows at a much faster rate. Well, first world problems, as they say.
Total liquor company conspiracy. Every drop of countertop booze inches you closer to buying another bottle.

Semi-related, for a good time, hand a bottle of Buchanan's scotch to the uninitiated, and watch them try to pour. Anti-refill flow restrictors, how do they work?! Is that tiny glass marble supposed to be there? (hint: yes.)
oettinger wrote:Aww how cute, booznik collected all his former soothers.
They have pacified many a cranky bottle. I only save the unique and interesting ones, or the ones that look like they might fit an unusual bottle. Perhaps if I'd saved every single one over the years, I could open up a cork factory. Then again, I'd need a bigger drawer.
"Booznik. Smooth, classy and manatee-like." --Bur

"Oh, you've been reading your Sir Kenelm Digby, haven't you? Stick to the mead recipes, especially that of the Mayor of Moscovy. That shizz is SACK!!!" --Badfellow

"Now stop and DRINK! bastards." --mistah willies

"A stand alone place for booze is as essential for a home, as is a bed to sleep on." --Miklo

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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by oldsmartskunk » Sun Jul 27, 2014 2:09 pm

Got really really drunk. In winter. Me and my mate went out to take a walk and i decided to take a leak. During this holy process i fell dick down into snow. That looked really funny. And my wiener felt really funny for days!

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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by booznik » Sun Jul 27, 2014 2:20 pm

oldsmartskunk wrote:Got really really drunk...Me and my mate went out to take a walk and i decided to take a leak...
Drunken occupational hazards, they're everywhere. How many injurious stories have started with those two sentences?

Gotta keep spares on hand just in case. Made with German precision and a long, glorious history of sausage expertise.

Not so sure about the "extra crunchy" though...

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"Booznik. Smooth, classy and manatee-like." --Bur

"Oh, you've been reading your Sir Kenelm Digby, haven't you? Stick to the mead recipes, especially that of the Mayor of Moscovy. That shizz is SACK!!!" --Badfellow

"Now stop and DRINK! bastards." --mistah willies

"A stand alone place for booze is as essential for a home, as is a bed to sleep on." --Miklo

Image

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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by Savage » Tue Jul 29, 2014 12:00 am

And now i am suffering a nasty wound, on account of the old Grump clawed open my arm (by accident, but still) And I can't wake him up to help change the dressing. Oh, ouch.
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by mistah willies » Wed Jul 30, 2014 6:57 pm

booznik wrote:The plastic cap on my tequila bottle just fucked itself. The inner screwcap portion that was glued into the outer big cap unglued. Trying to pry it off, I sliced a thin layer of skin off my finger in the process (drunkard injury!).

I consulted my drawer full of corks and found one that fit on the second try. A drawer full of corks can be a useful thing. It's a blood bank for booze-bottles.

Image
That certainly beats any junk-drawer in this damned house.


More like a treasure trove of memories, if only one could remember





memories mammaries? those be nipples for tipples!




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Can we drink now? ---peetie44
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^ ^ ^ Yes his entire cutlery set and all utensils are made from assorted broken bottles.--- The Artful Detective
Just remember Hugh: a good cocktail in a shitty glass is better that a shitty cocktail in a pretty glass.---The Badfellow
I'll buy the first round if you promise to stop being a cunt. --- Dear Booze

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booznik
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by booznik » Wed Jul 30, 2014 7:10 pm

mistah willies wrote:memories mammaries? those be nipples for tipples!
Given the mechanics of the whole bottle thing, they're more likely to be short, stubby... willies.

Nice mental image. Thanks a lot, brother. Thanks ever so much. I'm never reaching into that drawer again.

Except when I need the corkscrew.

(badum-bump TSS)
"Booznik. Smooth, classy and manatee-like." --Bur

"Oh, you've been reading your Sir Kenelm Digby, haven't you? Stick to the mead recipes, especially that of the Mayor of Moscovy. That shizz is SACK!!!" --Badfellow

"Now stop and DRINK! bastards." --mistah willies

"A stand alone place for booze is as essential for a home, as is a bed to sleep on." --Miklo

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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by mistah willies » Wed Jul 30, 2014 7:13 pm

booznik wrote:
mistah willies wrote:memories mammaries? those be nipples for tipples!
Given the mechanics of the whole bottle thing, they're more likely to be short, stubby... willies.

Nice mental image. Thanks a lot, brother. Thanks ever so much. I'm never reaching into that drawer again.

Except when I need the corkscrew.

(badum-bump TSS)

To quote Lady Savage:

Ewww

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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by booznik » Wed Jul 30, 2014 7:56 pm

mistah willies wrote: To quote Lady Savage:

Ewww
Having heard the evidence, and Prosecutor Willies moving, if extremely brief, closing argument... the jury finds this thread in Contempt of Cork.

Forthwith, they shall return to being corks, and no other thing, or somebody's going to jail.

Court adjourned.
"Booznik. Smooth, classy and manatee-like." --Bur

"Oh, you've been reading your Sir Kenelm Digby, haven't you? Stick to the mead recipes, especially that of the Mayor of Moscovy. That shizz is SACK!!!" --Badfellow

"Now stop and DRINK! bastards." --mistah willies

"A stand alone place for booze is as essential for a home, as is a bed to sleep on." --Miklo

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Patchez
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Re: Drunkard Injuries

Post by Patchez » Thu Jul 31, 2014 2:26 am

Those corksuckers.
Now you're ready for some anti-dry-otics!-BeerMakesMeSmarter

If worms had daggers, birds wouldn't fuck with them-Todd Snider

Blackout and be extraordinary-Absinthe of Malice

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