One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Remember what happened last night? Good. Now tell the world.

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oettinger
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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by oettinger »

#221 got drunk for some days with three class A drunkard gentlemen

#222 got lost in some foreign town in the same setting and asked an old man for advice to show me the taxi stand. When I approached him shouting "Sir, Sir can you help me please", the elderly woman started to laugh heavily
I might edit: she was very nice and helpful and took me with her as she was going the direction also
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oldsmartskunk
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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by oldsmartskunk »

#223 Peed on a public bus. Puked in it too. Woke up 3hours later 300miles away.

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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by oettinger »

#224 peed on the wrong door/stairs on a public train late at night. When it was time to get out a big drunken leap was required
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AntonArkydivich
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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by AntonArkydivich »

I feel the need to add one that I had forgotten about. I would like to thank juvenile irresponsibility and traumatic cranial trauma for this gem.

Camping in the Azusa Mountains in May, in the middle of a crazy California drought (this is important). Me and my wife, my best (Russian) friend, and his wife. Got a ton of firewood, set up camp, and it starts to rain early in the night. We cooked brats, shivered beneath tarps, and drank, played cards, and drank, and drank. Eventually, the wives passed out, and me and my buddy decided to have a few more drinks, and then a cigarette or two, a ways away, underneath a dense pine tree.

On the walk back, it started snowing. It hadn't rained in months, but the little rain turned into a torrent of snow/sleet. I slipped in the fresh and unexpected mud, saw our red plastic cooler in front of me, and tried to fall away from it. I came to my senses lying on the ground, the fire flickering in front of me, and my friend poking me in the ribs with his boot, saying "Get up. Don't be hurt. Only pussies get hurt." I couldn't stop laughing. Turns out, that was his way of expressing sincere concern.

I navigated my way through the rest of night (which included a couple of new friendships in the campground neighborhood) and went to bed assuming nothing was wrong.

I went to bed with the hood of my sweatshirt up, and woke up the next morning with an almost perfect recollection of the night... until my wife sat up and shouted, "What the f--k happened to your head!?"

I had a softball sized patch of blood on the hood of my sweater from where my head had (apparently) smacked against the cooler I had been trying to avoid. The next day, my wife, who is a nurse, made me go to the ER, because my pupils were different sizes (allegedly). They said I was fine, and to lay off contact sports for a month or two.

Now, I'm not trying to justify what happened. It was stupid, stupid, stupid. But, I did grow up hearing my mother tell me, "The Good Lord looks after fools, drunks, and little children." And I'll be damned, but inebriation actually inhibits cranial swelling in the event of blunt trauma, which I discovered afterwards. I drove all four of us the three hours home the next day, no problems. Maybe I wouldn't have slipped if I was undrunk, but if I was going to regardless, thank God I wasn't.

So here's to all the drunks, fools, and little children who God looks after...myself included.
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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by Patchez »

Is piss the wife off immensely, in there?

If not make that one the next #.
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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by Palinka (RIP) »

Patchez wrote:Is piss the wife off immensely, in there?

If not make that one the next #.
Then you can share in "The Song For Smatter"

May it serve you well.
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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by mistah willies »

Patchez wrote:Is piss the wife off immensely, in there?

If not make that one the next #.
That'd be #226 because AntonArkydivich kicked the hell out of #225 with his tale.

I feel your pain, my friend, and I think a bunch of us were on Skype whe---

*ahem* I mean, It's never (cough cough) happened to ( fuck cough) happened to me (lying)

Palinka wrote: Then you can share in "The Song For Smatter"

May it serve you well.
HA!


Fucking excellent.

Yup, I'm stealing that but I promise to make good use of it when the time comes, prolly soon. I'll be sure to give ya proper credit.

#227

Woke up in a different casino. Last fucking week.



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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by oettinger »

#228 Spent a night at some lake and got drunk. The girls thought it would be fun to spill beer on me, stupid ladies. Soaking wet I put my shirt next to the campfire to dry when it started to burn. Put more beer on it to extinguish.
The next morning waking up in the wilderness I spotted an old ketchup plastic bottle and told everyone "watch this" and jumped on it. To bad the opening was clocked like concrete and the whole thing exploded all over me!
With pants and shoes on I then took a bath in the muddy water. The some people saw us and instead of calling the police gave us some crackers to eat!!!! HA! We looked that bad sleeping outside and such...
I then put on the leftovers of my shirt was told by the girls that my smell was beyond feculent. The ride home took some 1,5 hours of me disgusting innocent people.
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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by Palinka (RIP) »

oettinger wrote:...1,5 hours of me disgusting innocent people.
So, no change there, then...
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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by mistah willies »

#229

Got drunk with two Germaniacs, a northern Ireland man, and a Calidude of digital exponentialism.

We determined that the new German should spread his balls across the country, washing windows with them.

I have never heard such a discussion before this time.

You Drunkard bastards.


I am ruined now

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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by AntonArkydivich »

chilly willies wrote:
Patchez wrote:Is piss the wife off immensely, in there?

If not make that one the next #.
That'd be #226 because AntonArkydivich kicked the hell out of #225 with his tale.

I feel your pain, my friend, and I think a bunch of us were on Skype whe---

*ahem* I mean, It's never (cough cough) happened to ( fuck cough) happened to me (lying)

Palinka wrote: Then you can share in "The Song For Smatter"

May it serve you well.
Thank you, friends, for picking up the slack for me. Yes, when she realized I wasn't going to die, #226 did involve an immensely pissed off spouse. Who would have thought?
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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

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# 230 On my honeymoon in Dominican Republic, after the wife had gone to sleep went to the "night club" (only because it was the only bar still open) and amused the local employees by teaching them how to flair bartend with shakers and glasses. Thank goodness the glasses were plastic because I dropped them many times but they seemed genuinely happy and were no better than I was even though they were not drunk.

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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by oldsmartskunk »

#231 Got drunk as fuck. Was nice to people. Went to sleep with no adventures! As a result bastards drank all contents of m liquor cabinet.

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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by shawnonious »

#232 - Thrown up off a balcony during cigarette time onto those foldout cloth patio chairs of the people that lived below the host
"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy" -Tom Waits

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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by shawnonious »

brandonman wrote:#232 - Thrown up off a balcony during cigarette time onto those foldout cloth patio chairs of the people that lived below the host
And believe it or not, never heard a lick about it from the host, only my drinking/smoking buddy at the time.
"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy" -Tom Waits

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