One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Remember what happened last night? Good. Now tell the world.

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mistah willies
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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by mistah willies » Sun Apr 24, 2016 2:03 pm

#251

Thought is was a good idea to start chugging 151 after getting a really good buzz going on.

I think my vomit was flammable.

This was in Van Nuys. Never drink too much in Van Nuys. You may not make it back alive.

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oettinger
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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by oettinger » Sun Apr 24, 2016 3:10 pm

#252
This is a Willies special, told him when super drunk:

Me to girl: Let`s have sex

She: No

Me: I could rape you if I wanted to

Silence.

Then I was laughing my ass off.

Never seen her again...
I just really like the taste of alcohol
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oldsmartskunk
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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by oldsmartskunk » Mon Aug 29, 2016 5:29 am

Talked to two Jehovah's Witnesses for an hour. I used my best christian jokes. (by saying best i mean dirtiest) Damn i love these religious nutts, they are so much fun!

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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by Maj » Mon May 15, 2017 2:34 pm

#254
Bought some weed off a hooker for $20.00. She begged me to let her give me a blow job because she needed money for cocaine. I espoused the virtues of marijuana and alcohol but she wasn't buying it. She was sad so I gave her $40.00 more and took one for charity.
I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by Dear Booze » Tue May 16, 2017 7:47 pm

255

Helped a guy steal my neighbor's air conditioning unit. He was dragging it to his car as I was coming home from a night of drinking. I asked what he was doing and he said he had just finished replacing the ac unit and was hauling the old one away. It was heavy, so I helped him lift it into the back of his car.
Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Give a drunk man tortilla chips, Velveeta and a hair dryer and he has nachos.

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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by Badfellow » Wed Sep 06, 2017 11:05 am

#256 - Stole 3 buckets of golf balls and dumped them onto the highway.

#257 - Stole a display of lit jack o' lanterns from the mayor's front lawn and rearranged them onto the highway.

#258 - Stole the "wishing well" full of toys from the foyer of a family restaurant after failing to pay the bill. Kept the toys. Dumped the wishing well on the highway.

#259 - Purposely got so drunk that I missed my flight out of Amsterdam.

#260 - Filled an empty bottle of Jim Beam with piss and chucked it off a fifth floor balcony into the parking lot of a TGI Friday's.

#261 - Fornicated in a Burger King.

#262 - Farted when the lady at Costco asked if I'd like to try a Hot Pocket.

#263 - Talked a friend clear of a drunk and disorderly charge by convincing the cop he was an Amish guy on rumspringa and that he didn't know how to hold his liquor.

#264 - Tied a 200 foot roll of blaze orange flagging tape to rear bumper of a city bus.

#265 - Cut a hole in the back of a VIP tent at the 3M Championship. Open bar. Classy buffet. Made an ass of myself for several hours before being asked to leave.

#266 - Covered a guy's car with twenty five gallons of water. At twenty below zero.
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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by mistah willies » Mon Feb 26, 2018 10:34 pm

#267 dug holes in my back with a stick while passed out.

#RememberToMergeNewTopicWithOriginalThreadInTheMorningOrWhatHaveYou.

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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by benitobeast69 » Sat Oct 27, 2018 12:36 pm

#268 stole my buddies girlfriends car after drinking a litre of beam and some beers, I don't have a licence either so wasn't the best idea...I got lost in the middle of the city and a police car drove up while I was doing a 3 point turn to try and go back and retrace my journey.

#269 pissed on a police officers feet at oktoberfest when he came over to ask why i was pissing in the middle of the road.

#270 got drunk on my way back from scotland and ended up passing out and waking up in wales...the signs were all in welsh and i shat myself for a minute thinking i'd ended up in like romania or some shit..took a few seconds for my whiskey drunk brain to realise that wasn't possible.

#271 shat myself on a date...twice.

#272 stole a keg from a brewery only to get it home and realise it was a smoked beer that tasted like fucking hotdogs.

#273 got drunk on the roof of the appartment i was staying at in spain...i got drunk and fell off and (praise The Beer Gods) landed on a balcony like 9 feel bellow on a pile of sun longer matts. was a little bit bumped and bruised but a lot better than if id fallen a few feet across and dropped 6 floors.
Hangover cure: Rigorous sex, hydration, hot bath, then "go up for half an hour in an open aeroplane. (needless to say, with a non-hungover person at the controls)." - Kinglsey Amis

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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by Dear Booze » Sat Oct 27, 2018 3:24 pm

benitobeast69 wrote:
Sat Oct 27, 2018 12:36 pm
...

#271 shat myself on a date...twice....
Same date? Same night? This sounds like a great story.
Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Give a drunk man tortilla chips, Velveeta and a hair dryer and he has nachos.

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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by benitobeast69 » Sat Oct 27, 2018 3:56 pm

oh god...was a rough one.
Last edited by benitobeast69 on Sat Oct 27, 2018 4:00 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Hangover cure: Rigorous sex, hydration, hot bath, then "go up for half an hour in an open aeroplane. (needless to say, with a non-hungover person at the controls)." - Kinglsey Amis

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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by benitobeast69 » Sat Oct 27, 2018 3:57 pm

Dear Booze wrote:
Sat Oct 27, 2018 3:24 pm
benitobeast69 wrote:
Sat Oct 27, 2018 12:36 pm
...

#271 shat myself on a date...twice....
Same date? Same night? This sounds like a great story.

yeah same night...I went out for a smoke when we were out for food, i was sat down and no one was around so i thought i'd let a cheeky one rip....woe is me it was not a fart. a lump of wet shit smeared into my boxer shorts. I was instantly filled with panic and sat there for another minute or two finishing the end of my smoke and contimplating how i could get out of this litteral shit show. From the feel of things the turd had not made contact with denim and was safely smushed against my boxer shorts...i went in and walked straight past her to the mens toilets passing a couple of waiters who I'm sure were wonderinng why i had brought with me the aroma of fresh human shite. I stripped off the offending article in the toilets and left them in the paper towel bin. thinking I'd pulled a fast one here i went back out fully comando and prayed that the smell had been left behind.....everything went pretty smooth from then on untill about 2am when I was even more smashed and had foroten about my previous faux pas...i a sat down too fast on a bar stool and filled my (now boxerless) pants with shit once again. realising I had no option but to flee i pretended i was going out for a smoke and fucked off home. i couldn't get a taxi as i was covered in shit so had to stumble home. took me fucking ages. i still remember back to my appartment and throwing my shitty jeans off the balcony before getting into the shower with an ice cold beer and the rest of my borubon filled hipflask....Strangely enough I never saw the girl again.
Hangover cure: Rigorous sex, hydration, hot bath, then "go up for half an hour in an open aeroplane. (needless to say, with a non-hungover person at the controls)." - Kinglsey Amis

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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by oettinger » Sun Oct 28, 2018 7:29 am

Friend of mine once shat himself in a taxi.
The next day he was hungover-worry that the cabdriver would sue him, knowing his address and all
I just really like the taste of alcohol
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Re: One Hundred Things I've Done While Drunk

Post by Dear Booze » Sun Oct 28, 2018 8:31 am

benitobeast69 wrote:
Sat Oct 27, 2018 3:57 pm
yeah same night...I went out for a smoke when we were out for food, i was sat down and no one was around so i thought i'd let a cheeky one rip....woe is me it was not a fart. a lump of wet shit smeared into my boxer shorts. I was instantly filled with panic and sat there for another minute or two finishing the end of my smoke and contimplating how i could get out of this litteral shit show. From the feel of things the turd had not made contact with denim and was safely smushed against my boxer shorts...i went in and walked straight past her to the mens toilets passing a couple of waiters who I'm sure were wonderinng why i had brought with me the aroma of fresh human shite. I stripped off the offending article in the toilets and left them in the paper towel bin. thinking I'd pulled a fast one here i went back out fully comando and prayed that the smell had been left behind.....everything went pretty smooth from then on untill about 2am when I was even more smashed and had foroten about my previous faux pas...i a sat down too fast on a bar stool and filled my (now boxerless) pants with shit once again. realising I had no option but to flee i pretended i was going out for a smoke and fucked off home. i couldn't get a taxi as i was covered in shit so had to stumble home. took me fucking ages. i still remember back to my appartment and throwing my shitty jeans off the balcony before getting into the shower with an ice cold beer and the rest of my borubon filled hipflask....Strangely enough I never saw the girl again.
Great story!
Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Give a drunk man tortilla chips, Velveeta and a hair dryer and he has nachos.

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