Known facts about ThirstyDrunk

[oettinger]

When he was super loaded on EW he recorded a hymn about himself... Thisrty boy, beer toy

[oettinger]

His parents were so afraid of him, they weren`t talking to him until his 21st birthday.

He is so cool they started naming plane crashes after him.

Adolf Hitler volunteered into suicide after smelling his alcohol breath.

The Terminator tried to travel back in time again just to escape his presence.

There has a table to be found yet wich he didn`t drink you under

[Frankennietzsche]

[oettinger]

Long before Jesus, the dinosaurs said upon spotting him: "No thank you, you mammals deal with that shit yourself! We better leave on a high note."
It became the first recorded Jones-Town in drunkard history

[Badfellow]

He saves his belly button lint to knit scarves, sweaters and other holiday gifts for his friends.

[Bur]

He prefer's bacon to empty bottles of bourbon as a night time snack, but only slightly and on Tuesdays.

[oettinger]

He has his own cage at the local zoo where he crashes from time to time. The sing says "Hungover party animal". Spectators beware though, he is throwing poo when waking up!

[Frankennietzsche]

His automobile of choice is a 1979 AMC Pacer in banana yellow.

[Patchez]

He'll buy a $101 worth of candied insects because orders over $100 were free shipping.

[oettinger]

They call "last call" a week in advance knowing his usual order

[oettinger]

He is called "customer of the year" at three different whisky distilleries

[oettinger]

His wet dreams badly reek of alcohol

[Bur]

He still doesn't know the difference between powdered glass and salt.

[oettinger]

Inhaling a fresh breeze out off Thirsty`s throat his dentist immediatly became a serious alcoholic.

[Cliffie S. Bockerson]

1. He likes crickets. Likes them likes them.

2. He buys crickets over the internet. Menthols.

3. He eats crickets.

4. He has a terrible fear of sodium vapor lights, parking lots, and vulcanized rubber.

5. He whistles cricket music.

6. He pins a dried cricket to his collar every day, like a flower.

7. He squeezes crickets and squirts you with cricket juice.

8. He does with crickets what Crispin Glover did with roaches in Wild at Heart (I think it was).

9. He attends regular pesticide protests in black spandex with black licorice glued to his forehead.

10. He's fond of the 30-pack, well into which he purchases more crickets.