This was posted somewhere else and it's funny:
Stuff I thought as a kid
Stuff I thought as a Kid
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- Frankennietzsche
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Stuff I thought as a Kid
“Süßen witwe Mutter-Hosen — kommst du hier mit mein knackenpfeife schnell, oder Ich zeige Ihnen mein Zuhälter Hand!”
"I am going to pistol-whip the next person who says 'shenanigans' "
"Rectum? It nearly killed him!"
"I am going to pistol-whip the next person who says 'shenanigans' "
"Rectum? It nearly killed him!"
- Frankennietzsche
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Re: Stuff I thought as a Kid
I used to think that one's buttocks was where the fecal matter was "stored" until evacuated.
“Süßen witwe Mutter-Hosen — kommst du hier mit mein knackenpfeife schnell, oder Ich zeige Ihnen mein Zuhälter Hand!”
"I am going to pistol-whip the next person who says 'shenanigans' "
"Rectum? It nearly killed him!"
"I am going to pistol-whip the next person who says 'shenanigans' "
"Rectum? It nearly killed him!"
- Dear Booze
- Drinking God's Good Scotch
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Re: Stuff I thought as a Kid
Shit. When I first learned the pledge of allegiance, I guess I learned it phonetically, because what I thought it meant, and what it does mean were worlds apart. Here's the breakdown:
"I pledja legions to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for witch's stands, one Nation under God, invisible , with liberty and just us for all."
1. I had no idea what "plegja" meant, but I knew legions meant a lot. I have no idea why I knew that.
2. I thought that a "witch's stand" had to be like a pulpit for witches.
3. Everyone knows God is invisible.
4. Yep. That pledge, the stand for witches, and everything else. It's all just for us. Nobody else.
"I pledja legions to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for witch's stands, one Nation under God, invisible , with liberty and just us for all."
1. I had no idea what "plegja" meant, but I knew legions meant a lot. I have no idea why I knew that.
2. I thought that a "witch's stand" had to be like a pulpit for witches.
3. Everyone knows God is invisible.
4. Yep. That pledge, the stand for witches, and everything else. It's all just for us. Nobody else.
DRINK!
- mistah willies
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Re: Stuff I thought as a Kid
I couldn't watch Saturday morning shows on the floor while wearing only my tighty whites with my repast of roof-of-the-mouth-shredding Honeycomb Hide-out cereal.
I'd thought that the television people, whether real or drawn, could see me as i could see them, so I put on a tie. In addition to my tighty whites. Proper. Perhaps Alex P. Keaton did that as well.
I think I need to see the Dr. again. This explains a lot to me now.
I'd thought that the television people, whether real or drawn, could see me as i could see them, so I put on a tie. In addition to my tighty whites. Proper. Perhaps Alex P. Keaton did that as well.
I think I need to see the Dr. again. This explains a lot to me now.
- Frankennietzsche
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Re: Stuff I thought as a Kid
I have always had a superstition that people in pictures in magazines and catalogues might be able to see me, so I used to turn them over when someone left them in the water closet. Now it just bothers me, portraits and such.
“Süßen witwe Mutter-Hosen — kommst du hier mit mein knackenpfeife schnell, oder Ich zeige Ihnen mein Zuhälter Hand!”
"I am going to pistol-whip the next person who says 'shenanigans' "
"Rectum? It nearly killed him!"
"I am going to pistol-whip the next person who says 'shenanigans' "
"Rectum? It nearly killed him!"
- mistah willies
- Drinking Like W.C.
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- Joined: Wed Jan 16, 2013 9:48 pm
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Re: Stuff I thought as a Kid
Mirrors at night, (none in me bedroom)
... Empty shoes pointing toward me from the corner, or set on the floor in front of a chair.
...Open closet doors in the dark.
I'm calling Dr. Black Rum now. This might help me have lesser bad dreams before the next day to DRINK
... Empty shoes pointing toward me from the corner, or set on the floor in front of a chair.
...Open closet doors in the dark.
I'm calling Dr. Black Rum now. This might help me have lesser bad dreams before the next day to DRINK
Re: Stuff I thought as a Kid
Wait, 12 y.o. whiskey isn't for 12 y.o.s?
My wife is gonna be pissed when she finds out I gave my grandson my Ardbeg 10.
My wife is gonna be pissed when she finds out I gave my grandson my Ardbeg 10.
Now you're ready for some anti-dry-otics!-BeerMakesMeSmarter
If worms had daggers, birds wouldn't fuck with them-Todd Snider
Blackout and be extraordinary-Absinthe of Malice
If worms had daggers, birds wouldn't fuck with them-Todd Snider
Blackout and be extraordinary-Absinthe of Malice
Re: Stuff I thought as a Kid
No such things,
Wasn`t allowed to think until age 14...
Oh wrong thread
Really though, the only thing that comes to mind is: How good smokes and wine smelled. I took a mind note: Do this also, as soons as possible!
Wasn`t allowed to think until age 14...
Oh wrong thread
Really though, the only thing that comes to mind is: How good smokes and wine smelled. I took a mind note: Do this also, as soons as possible!
Drink!
- Dear Booze
- Drinking God's Good Scotch
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Re: Stuff I thought as a Kid
I remember having a strong sense of what was masculine and what was feminine. For example red and yellow were girl colors, while blue and green were boy colors; all dogs were boys and all cats were girls; trucks were for boys and cars were for girls; tea was something women drank and coffee was for men; wine was for ladies and beer was for men. Everything HAD to fit into one of these categories and I made a constant effort to know in which category each thing fit.
DRINK!
Re: Stuff I thought as a Kid
AIDS was something only gays would get, like Queen and Elton JohnDear Booze wrote: ↑Sat Jan 21, 2017 12:47 pmI remember having a strong sense of what was masculine and what was feminine. For example red and yellow were girl colors, while blue and green were boy colors; all dogs were boys and all cats were girls; trucks were for boys and cars were for girls; tea was something women drank and coffee was for men; wine was for ladies and beer was for men. Everything HAD to fit into one of these categories and I made a constant effort to know in which category each thing fit.
Being raised in a german kindergarten I can tell more horror stories about a just growing male singing to female crapshit songs all day.
The last thing I`d care about is undrunk-awareness
Drink!
Re: Stuff I thought as a Kid
Thank God for LSD!Dear Booze wrote: ↑Sat Jan 21, 2017 12:47 pmI remember having a strong sense of what was masculine and what was feminine. For example red and yellow were girl colors, while blue and green were boy colors; all dogs were boys and all cats were girls; trucks were for boys and cars were for girls; tea was something women drank and coffee was for men; wine was for ladies and beer was for men. Everything HAD to fit into one of these categories and I made a constant effort to know in which category each thing fit.
Now you're ready for some anti-dry-otics!-BeerMakesMeSmarter
If worms had daggers, birds wouldn't fuck with them-Todd Snider
Blackout and be extraordinary-Absinthe of Malice
If worms had daggers, birds wouldn't fuck with them-Todd Snider
Blackout and be extraordinary-Absinthe of Malice
- Badfellow
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Re: Stuff I thought as a Kid
People Magazine was always the worst offender too. Not that I truly believed they could see me, but it's still disconcerting to have Burt Reynolds smirking at you while you're trying to pinch a loaf.Frankennietzsche wrote: ↑Fri Jan 20, 2017 10:01 pmI have always had a superstition that people in pictures in magazines and catalogues might be able to see me...
I was also under the mistaken impression that wind chill temperature was actually "windshield" temperature. That damn windshield get's pretty cold, don'tcha know.
ພາສາລາວNONE GENUINE WITHOUT MY SIGNATUREພາສາລາວ
- Dear Booze
- Drinking God's Good Scotch
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Re: Stuff I thought as a Kid
I always thought the weather guy on the radio was warning us about "black guys" on the road. Turns out, it was all about "black ice".
All ice matters.
DRINK!
- Frankennietzsche
- Juicing Like Jackie
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Re: Stuff I thought as a Kid
I remember seeing "mustache ride" novelty belt-buckles in JC Penny's (in Penny's, fer gossake) and thinking that was the funniest thing. I used to beg for one of those belt buckles, to no avail.
“Süßen witwe Mutter-Hosen — kommst du hier mit mein knackenpfeife schnell, oder Ich zeige Ihnen mein Zuhälter Hand!”
"I am going to pistol-whip the next person who says 'shenanigans' "
"Rectum? It nearly killed him!"
"I am going to pistol-whip the next person who says 'shenanigans' "
"Rectum? It nearly killed him!"
- ThirstyDrunk
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Re: Stuff I thought as a Kid
my childhood memories were ruined by my childhood.
Like a desperate thirst in a raging drought