Another Solo Mission

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Nausea
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Re: Another Solo Mission

Post by Nausea » Sat Jun 08, 2019 3:39 pm

You’re a bold soul, AD. I can’t imagine moving somewhere without knowing the language.

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Artful Drunktective
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Re: Another Solo Mission

Post by Artful Drunktective » Sat Jun 08, 2019 3:57 pm

Nausea wrote:
Sat Jun 08, 2019 3:39 pm
You’re a bold soul, AD. I can’t imagine moving somewhere without knowing the language.
Mahalo nui loa I appreciate that. It totally sucks! Stranger in a strange land.
How can it be so cold in here? It's like Greenland in here. We've got to get some booze. It's the only solution to this intense cold. Something's got to be done. We can't go on like this. - Withnail

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Hugh
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Re: Another Solo Mission

Post by Hugh » Sat Jun 08, 2019 5:02 pm

Nausea wrote:
Sat Jun 08, 2019 3:39 pm
You’re a bold soul, AD. I can’t imagine moving somewhere without knowing the language.
Yep, she is. I was terrified when I moved 6 miles away to a new neighborhood. In the last 30 years I've only lived in two apartments. Across the globe? A new language? No, I couldn't do it. Even if I fantasize about it all the time. Perhaps that makes me an even bigger coward.

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Re: Another Solo Mission

Post by Hugh » Sun Jun 09, 2019 1:23 am

The movie Ironweed, with Jack Nicholson and Meryl Streep. It's about drunks, but they are bums. I searched it on this forum, and here's a post by Palinka about it - viewtopic.php?f=11&t=69493&p=1127054&hi ... d#p1127054

Here's the thing - you can't really enjoy booze if you can't provide the most basic shit for yourself. You got to have a place to stay, you have to keep warm, and you have to keep clean. To do that, you will have to get a job if you don't have an inheritance or trust fund or someone to take care of you. No matter how much you love to drink, you still have to take care of yourself. That's been a challenge for me a few times in my life. And I'm always frightened that it will happen to me again. The fact that I"m 53 years old makes it even more frightening, I wouldn't be able to make it if I ended up back out there again. The thing about movies like Ironweed is that it makes bums look like good and caring people, but with rare exceptions, they are mean, ruthless killers who will slice your throat for a dollar. I've lived with them, I know. and I can't help but wonder, even with those who I loved and I thought loved me, I wonder if they would have killed me if it would benefit them to do so. I never would do it, so I like to think that they had my same sentiments and values. But I'm not sure, and I wasn't even sure back then.

The thing with this fucking movie, and I always hate movies because they never get it right, but Jack Nicholson kept seeing the ghosts from his past, they kept showing up to taunt him. The only difference with me is when I see them, they are caring and telling me to smile, and that everything is all right. They tell me that they knew I would make it.

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Re: Another Solo Mission

Post by Hugh » Sun Jun 09, 2019 1:29 am

But here's the thing too, those people I was afraid of back then, that I thought would hurt me, or kill me, or whatever, they frightened me and gave me a feeling of dread all the time, they made me think it was a malevolent world. But fast forward to today, and I get almost the same feeling from the managers where I work, and my landlord, and even just other people driving on the road or walking on the sidewalk. Its like I'm afraid they all want to kill me or hurt me in some way. Intellectually, I know it isn't true, but that's just how I react to everybody out there. About the only time I can feel secure and happy is in this apartment and drinking my wine. But even then, I know it can all be taken from me if I don't play by the rules and do everything right. But I can't do anything right, not for very long.

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Re: Another Solo Mission

Post by Hugh » Sun Jun 09, 2019 1:50 am

I've got a short story out there on submission, waiting for an answer. About three poems out there that I'm waiting for an answer on, too. and then there are two more poems out there that are accepted, but not posted yet. Writing this stuff gives me something to do while I'm sitting in here getting drunk. Years ago, someone I regarded as a sage told me, "If you're sitting there at your kitchen table under a lamp drinking alone, you've got a problem." Well, I'm not just sitting there anymore, I scribbling shit out and lately it looks like some people like what I wrote.

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oettinger
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Re: Another Solo Mission

Post by oettinger » Sun Jun 09, 2019 9:06 am

You are really afraid of people?
People just piss me off, can`t stand them.
Is it just me or did the boxed bumwine cork a little bit?
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Re: Another Solo Mission

Post by scream ale » Sun Jun 09, 2019 12:44 pm

The bullshit some people do absolutely mortifies me. But for the most part I just can't stand being around others for extended periods of time.
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Re: Another Solo Mission

Post by Artful Drunktective » Mon Jun 10, 2019 3:30 am

Hugh wrote:
Sun Jun 09, 2019 1:29 am
But here's the thing too, those people I was afraid of back then, that I thought would hurt me, or kill me, or whatever, they frightened me and gave me a feeling of dread all the time, they made me think it was a malevolent world. But fast forward to today, and I get almost the same feeling from the managers where I work, and my landlord, and even just other people driving on the road or walking on the sidewalk. Its like I'm afraid they all want to kill me or hurt me in some way. Intellectually, I know it isn't true, but that's just how I react to everybody out there. About the only time I can feel secure and happy is in this apartment and drinking my wine. But even then, I know it can all be taken from me if I don't play by the rules and do everything right. But I can't do anything right, not for very long.
Don't let people steal your energy. I am the same way. I'm so exhausted from being afraid and angry and anxious about everything. I've been like that forever. The thing is...you're an empath and it's impossible to separate yourself from people's shit. Instead,you just absorb it. I have the same burden. It's hard to be strong sometimes but ultimately we are emotionally stronger than most because we can carry the weight of the world...whether we want to or not. It's all good. You're all good. Keep drinking 'cause it's all good. We got this. Now hand me my minigun...

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How can it be so cold in here? It's like Greenland in here. We've got to get some booze. It's the only solution to this intense cold. Something's got to be done. We can't go on like this. - Withnail

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Re: Another Solo Mission

Post by Artful Drunktective » Mon Jun 10, 2019 3:31 am

I hate people in general. I lived on a deserted island for 15 years for a reason. All the most fked up things in this world is because of human beings. I wish we could put people to sleep.
How can it be so cold in here? It's like Greenland in here. We've got to get some booze. It's the only solution to this intense cold. Something's got to be done. We can't go on like this. - Withnail

Image

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Re: Another Solo Mission

Post by oettinger » Mon Jun 10, 2019 4:54 am

Artful Drunktective wrote:
Mon Jun 10, 2019 3:31 am
I wish we could put people to sleep.
Nighty night world
Is it just me or did the boxed bumwine cork a little bit?
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Hugh
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Re: Another Solo Mission

Post by Hugh » Thu Jun 13, 2019 11:34 pm

It's my new Thursday night tradition. Hamm's on an empty stomach! It's the end of my workweek, my mood is good, and I'm craving solitude and booze. The buzz that comes from drinking on an empty stomach is more vivid that the usual buzz, and it's enhanced by my end-of-workweek good spirits. Tonight I didn't even bother with a shower before I started gulping.

I had three poems post today at Terror House Magazine, have a look: https://terrorhousemag.com/neighborhood/

It's a pretty good online zine, and I'm overjoyed that they accepted all three of my poems. I'm in there with some good writers. The chief editor lives in Hungary, but he prints mostly English pieces, and apparently, mostly American. He has been under attack before from the goddamb social justice warriors, calling him a bigot, racist, misogynist, on and on. He swats them away and keeps going on. I love how he sets it up, he obviously loves what he does. If you go to that link I posted, scroll to the bottom of the page and share it on social media like Facebook, Twitter, or whatever you are signed up for. I shared it on my Facebook, but I'm not on any of the other social media sites. I'd like to see this guy succeed. Also, since he lives in Hungary, I'm concerned that these social justice warriors could make trouble for him since Hungary doesn't have the same free speech laws that USA has. They probably couldn't hurt him that bad, but they truly are despicable people.

Hamm's. Solitude. My poems getting accepted. Live gets no better than this. Drink!

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Re: Another Solo Mission

Post by Hugh » Thu Jun 27, 2019 11:41 pm

One thing I've learned with my new tradition of Thursday night beer on an empty stomach is that drinking beer on an empty stomach gives me diarrhea the next day. Well, too bad. I like beer on an empty stomach too much to stop.

Anticipating drinking on the last day of the work week makes me work faster, so that I get done sooner and get to my booze. Part of the fun is stopping at the liquor store and saying, "No, sorry" to the bums loitering outside when they ask if I have any spare change. We're all just a bunch of people trying to get drunk.

Here's another thing about solo drinking - I put on headphones and watch YouTube music videos after I get drunk and lose self control. I hate music videos, I regard them as a trivial waste of time. but once I'm drunk, I can't resist them, and after much contemplation, I've figured out why. It's a substitute for socializing. With music videos I can fantasize about playing the juke box at the bar, or singing karaoke, or dancing with bar patrons. but I don't have to be around all those people to do it. and I don't have to spend all that money at the bar, either. But every morning after I've spent a drunken night watching stupid music videos, I feel almost as guilty as if I'd actually gone out to the bar and spent $200 acting like a goddamb singing and dancing fool. Why can't I just relax and give myself permission to enjoy stupid music videos? Sometimes I sing along with the music and I wonder if my neighbors can hear me. If so, they haven't complained. Maybe I'm a good singer.

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Re: Another Solo Mission

Post by oettinger » Fri Jun 28, 2019 3:51 pm

Most music videos are garbage. I never sing along, but I listen to heavy metal so that`s a plus
Is it just me or did the boxed bumwine cork a little bit?
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scream ale
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Re: Another Solo Mission

Post by scream ale » Fri Jun 28, 2019 5:55 pm

Judas Priest videos are fun times.
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